Emo Scene Community

1000's of emo guys & girls!

Search soEmo

Top Emo Bands View All

8.5

Emo Lyrics View All

There are some who don't even need to try, born with a warm heart, a twinkle in their eye. Glitter in their words, perfume in their breath, souls of sunshine and lilac pastel skies. You will find no such shimmering in here. Social Dance, by Dodie Clark

Emo Forums » Emo Lifestyle (Reply)

MonkeyButt
Posts: 219
I'm so lost (Long Read) Jul 24 2011, 05:31 AM
Okay, so let's start from the beginning: All my life I was a grumpy kid I was never happy, I was only happy when I was with my older sister Jo. My sister Sam had left us when I was really young, or before I was born, I can't remember. Then I started at Primary school & it was awful. I got bullied by this popular girl, Jodie & this other girl Phoebe. All my friends liked Jodie & left me for her. The only friend I had that hated Jodie was Matthew. He was French & was so in love with me he chased me around the playground ;pp So then when I was 6, I moved to Bulgaria. My parents put me in a private school for naughty kids....Leonardo DiVinchi. The kids there were spoilt & bullied me badly. Then they moved me to a village school were I went mad, I became really rude & stupid. But then I was diagnosed with scoliosis. We flew back to UK for me to have a proper doctor to tell me what to do because the there was only one doctor specialized in scoliosis treatment & they wanted to operate which was really risky. But something happened in the UK, my depression started. How or why I will never know. I think it was knowing that I had to go back Bulgaria, I loved the UK, I always have. It's the only place I feel like I belong. But sadly, we came back to Bulgaria. My depression got worse. I started cutting, I was only 9. My friend Jade, was suffering from the same but then I found out too late, she wasn't my friend at all, she was just using me. But she still remained my friend even tho I knew I wasn't hers. Then her parent's got so fed up with her bunking school to meet with her boyfriend that she moved back to the UK. She blamed all the bunking off school & everything on me. But I was so afraid to be alone, friendless that I only bunked off school to be with her. Tho she left me to go have sex with her boyfriend. That was when I was nearly raped...Ever since we came to Bulgaria, old men have tried to...>_< I hate it. So my friend left Bulgaria & my boyfriend & I broke up. He started hating me so everyone else did. I became alone, the only friend I had was my blade & collection of sharp objects. My mum pulled me out of depression when I was 10 after that I had my days but not depressed all the time. Then my sister Jo called because my sister Harri who lives with us, Dad died. I'll explain; Eldest Sister is Sam now 27. Second eldest is Jo now 22, 23 in August. Then there's Harri, now 18 & the only one who hasn't left excluding me. They are all daughters of my Mum's ex-ex, Richard. Then there's me, Youngest & only one from my mum's ex, Roger. Now I have a step-dad, Ian. The one who criticizes me & mentally abuses me. Anyway, back to when Jo called. Harri & her just fought over the phone will I stood in the doorway, my heart breaking & drowning in my tears. Finally when she got off the phone, I ran to my room, crying. I stood behind my bedroom door listening to what Harri was saying to Mum. Then I heard it: "She didn't want to talk to George." The words kept running through my head. My sister who I loved & adored with all my heart, doesn't want to talk to me. I was heartbroken. I kept crying non-stop for 4 days. But then I comforted myself & after a couple of days I was alright. I still love & miss Jo, I sleep with her picture under my pillow. But then life got worse, my step-dad became mentally-abusive. After that I've just been falling into depression on & off until' now I've started cutting myself again. Not bleeding just lines that become red if I stretch the skin. But I need a sharpener for my eyeliner & I'm worried I might start with the blade...I just feel so lost & going slowly mad. I just want a happy, healthy normal life. Too much to ask? D;

Replies

OnyxAngel
Posts: 834
Jul 24 2011, 11:09 AM
I hope things get better for you. Hopefully, typing it all out on here made you feel a little bit better? Maybe now that you got the entire story out, a weight has been lifted? I honestly don't know what to say, other than that we're all here for you if you need people to talk to :)
MonkeyButt
Posts: 219
Jul 24 2011, 11:25 AM
Thanks ;3 It did actually, just knowing that someone out there has read my story, understanding fully what I've been through & what I'm still going through. I feel, relieved :D awesome!:D Thanks so much<33 so you mean, if i feel down & need to talk, I can message you? [:
OnyxAngel
Posts: 834
Jul 24 2011, 11:32 AM
Mhm :) If it'll make you feel better to have someone hear you out then you can talk to me :D I'm glad you feel better. Hopefully some good things will come along to make up for all of the bad.
MonkeyButt
Posts: 219
Jul 24 2011, 12:20 PM
I've always wanted to talk to you for some reason I just felt that you were a very kind, gentle, amazing person who gave of really good vibes;33 I feel like I have to get this out: In the UK when we leave for high-school. The last day we go around signing T-Shirts. But my class have already done that & I've always longed to expirience it. I remember finding my sister Harri's white school shirt with all these colorful pen marks wishing her good luck & how they're gonna miss her. From then on, I always wanted that. But I missed it, the moment I wanted, passed. There's no way I can live that moment now...D;
OnyxAngel
Posts: 834
Jul 24 2011, 12:32 PM
I know what you mean! We had these books that we created on our own, that we could have everyone sign on the last day of school. But I missed it cuz I got sick and had to go to the hospital :/ I've felt SO incomplete since then :O And thank you! That's really good to hear :) I never knew that I gave off good vibes xD
MonkeyButt
Posts: 219
Jul 24 2011, 12:36 PM
OhEmGee, Iknow, it's like when somebody smiles & says Sure, they pick up that marker to sign you feel so wonderful & loved that it's incredible. I envy those that have got signed D; Lmao, I didn't mean for it to sound like...pervy;3 It's just your really awesome & I admire you so much![:
OnyxAngel
Posts: 834
Jul 24 2011, 12:40 PM
You should go to the mall one day and take a plain T-shirt and all types of markers, and let random strangers sign it. See how many people actually go for it, even though they don't know you. Then, you can go home and count all of the signatures and think to yourself "Look at all of these nice people who signed my shirt even though I could be a crazy stalker." xD I want to try that. It would make my day SO much better :) And nah. I'm nothing to admire :x
MonkeyButt
Posts: 219
Jul 24 2011, 01:06 PM
OhMyGawwsh! your so right! I'm going to do that! :D Your like, full of good ideas! Plus most peeps lately are random & would love to do something like that!:D OhEmGee, THANKS!:D Are you kidding me? ._. what isn't there to admire about you?! Your beautiful, intelligent, creative, sweet, amazing, awesome, lovely, kind, supportive & so many other things!:D Your practically my role model ♥

Add Reply

  • Please note: Comments soEmo.co.uk considers to be totally unrelated spam will be removed.

Featured Users View More