Emo Scene Community

so my best friend of 10+ years called me the other day to tell me that i'm a horrible human being, that i've been mean to her since we met in 2nd grade, that i dont put enough into the friendship like she does, and compared me to the person that made me wanna kill myself in 9th/10th grade. "How can someone who's so smart and wins so many awards be so mean?" "I thought you would grow out of it. You're 18! You're a grown adult! Grow up!" To think she's telling me to grow up when the "mean things" i said to her was maybe she shouldn't be with her abusive boyfriend, and when she's probably only saying these things to me because she's jealous i got accepted into university when she didn't. "I don't even think we're friends anymore, all it ever feels like is fake smiles and hellos" well she was the one with the fake smiles because i was always more than happy to be with her... "you're not genuine" my ass... so now i've been fucking anxious and depressed since this last tuesday. i'm confident enough in myself to not let what she said get to me too much because i know i'm a good person and that she's just going through something. yes, i put my foot in my mouth a lot because i was raised to use my words and say what's on my mind, but i would never say anything to intentionally/maliciously hurt anyone. anything i've ever said to her was out of the goodness of my heart in trying to protect her and help her to not be so scared and paranoid about the world... but anyways, just it being her of all people to tell me that really hurt. knowing each other for that long, she of all people should know how i am and if she didn't like it she couldve left a long time ago. no one forced her to be my friend. sorry im ranting on here. i feel like ive already ranted to everyone else too much and i'm starting to feel like a burden .-. or more like more of a burden than i already am to people apparently.