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I am Jekyll when I'm Hyde, I'm a demon locked inside, I am restless when I sleep, I'm the beauty and the beast Je Ne Regrette Rien, by Cinema Bizarre

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soEmo.co.uk - Emo Kids - Ghost_of_Silence

Ghost_of_Silence

Ashton
27 / Nonbinary / Massachusetts, United States
Gay/Lesbian / Single
Member since: Mar 06, 2020
Last online: Feb 05, 2024

Current rating: 9.0/10 (25 votes cast)

About Me

Not much of a talker irl unless I'm around people I've known for a while. Introverted and can easily get lost in my own inner world. I like to draw, paint, and write. I have a passion for dreams, anything paranormal, and am a huge fan of creepypasta. when I'm not working or drawing or sleeping, I'm usually gaming or wandering aimlessly through the woods, maybe taking a stroll and relaxing in a cemetery when weather permits.

Favourite Music

Disturbed,  Avenged Sevenfold,  Breaking Benjamin,  Evanescence,  Seether,  Lacuna Coil,  Escape the Fate,  Falling in Reverse,  MCR,  Three Days Grace,  Awaken the Giant,  Bullet for my Valentine,  All That Remains,  FFDP,  Otherwise,  Within Temptation,  Nox Arcana,  Nightwish,  NateWantsToBattle,  Little V Mills,  Lucas King,  BvB,  Jay Ray,  Static X,  Torndown,  Theory of a Deadman,  My Darkest Days,  12 Stones,  Stone Sour,  Puddle of Mudd,  Evans Blue,  Linkin Park,  Dream State,  Downplay,  Starset,  Montagerock,  Asmodai,  Max Ablitzer,  Killswitch Engage,  Trivium,  Two Steps from Hell,  Poets of the Fall,  Gothic Storm,  Deligma,  Shinedown,  Sins of a Divine Mother,  Myuuji,  Celldweller,  Insomnium,  Ascendia,  Skillet,  Red,  New Years Day,  Art of Dying,  Like a Storm,  Ashes Remain,  The Wreckage,  Godsmack,  Sick Puppies,  Drowning Pool,  Crossfade,  Megaherz,  EarlyRise,  Coldrain,  Coheed and Cambria,  Blue Stahli,  Korn,  Cryoshell,  Emphatic,  No Resolve,  Thousand Foot Krutch,  Shockwave Sound,  Nine Lashes,  Angel Vivaldi,  Paramore,  Pierce the Veil,  Bring me the Horizon,  Beyond Unbroken,  The Raven Age,  Panic at the Disco,  Halestorm,  Divitius,  Motionless in White,  Cyrenic,  Unsun,  The National,  Fivefold,  TesseracT,  Dead by April,  The Enigma TNG,  Icon for Hire,  Green Day,  Widek,  From Ashes to New,  Citizen Soldier,  Vamps,  Mercenary,  Cevilian,  There for Tomorrow,  Staind,  Silent Theory,  Saltatio Mortis, Sleeping with Sirens, Digital Daggers, Captives (Caskets), Neverwake, Breathing Theory...just to name a few

Favourite Films / TV / Books

Movies:

Avatar,  Blood Diamond,  The Incredible Hulk (2008),  Odd Thomas,  Tucker and Dale vs Evil,  Shadow People,  Grave Encounters (1 and 2),  Silent Hill,  Silent Hill Revelations,  Ready Player One,  Underworld (saga),  Van Helsing,  Hellboy (2004),  The Punisher,  Oblivion,  Edge of Tomorrow,  Brick Mansions,  Upgrade,  Lord of the Rings (trilogy),  9,  Nightmare Before Christmas,  The Great Gatsby,  I-Robot,  Victor Frankenstein,  Sleepy Hollow,  Corpse Bride,  Xombie: Dead on arrival,  Carved: the slit-mouthed woman,  Hansel and Grettle: Witch hunters,  The Crow, Sweeny Todd
  
Anime:

Requiem for the Phantom,  Ghost Hunt,  Elfen Lied,  Claymore,  Kaze no Stigma,  Black Butler,  FMA (original and brotherhood),  Shuffle,  Gargantia,  Planet of the Beast King,  Demon King Diameo,  Full Metal Panic,  This Ugly yet Beautiful World,  Spice and Wolf,  Sacred Blacksmith,  High School of the Dead,  Ghost Stories (eng dub for obvious reasons),  Bleach,  Goblin Slayer,  Is this a Zombie?,  Shiki,  Blood-C,  Black Blood Brothers,  Attack on Titan,  Kill La Kill,  Parasyte,  Witchblade,  Corpse Party,  InuYasha,  Hellsing Ultimate,  Cashern Sins,  Darker than Black

TV shows:

Code Lyoko,  Arrow,  Once Upon a Time,  Teen Titans,  Supernatural,  The Witcher.

Education / Occupation

working

Who I'd Like To Meet

Michael J Tatum, David Draimen, Nathan Sharp, Elijah Wood

Comments (Add Comment)

Emo Pictures - Khaosreigns
Khaosreigns
Jun 02 2023, 04:22 AM

cheers mate

Emo Pictures - Khaosreigns
Khaosreigns
Nov 15 2022, 01:19 PM

cheers mate 

Emo Pictures - DeformedDreams
DeformedDreams
May 13 2022, 01:29 AM

Bruh ur pfp gives off hella breaking benjamin vibes! rad!

Emo Pictures - DeformedDreams
DeformedDreams
May 13 2022, 01:29 AM

Bruh ur pfp gives off hella breaking benjamin vibes! rad!

Emo Pictures - JellyBellyBean1
JellyBellyBean1
Mar 13 2020, 02:27 AM
wot? o-o
Emo Pictures - Khaosreigns
Khaosreigns
Mar 09 2020, 08:45 PM
Cheers my dude
Emo Pictures - xXeMoRaCeRXx
xXeMoRaCeRXx
Mar 06 2020, 08:52 PM
Thanks for the add :]
Emo Pictures - xXeMoRaCeRXx
xXeMoRaCeRXx
Mar 06 2020, 08:20 PM
Heya Ghost_of_Silence welcome to soEmo.co.uk Please fill out your profile and add some pics when you get the chance. Even create a journal if you like... Find other members using the Browse feature. View 1000s of emo scene girls and guys pics in the Emo Pictures and Site Models sections. Check out the popular Emo Forums and Emo Chat. Learn all about emo scene music, fashion and lifestyle in the What is Emo section. The site is still in development so if you have any suggestions or problems please email info@soemo.co.uk or check out the help section. -Matt
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Pictures

May 05 2023, 07:18 PM

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May 05 2023, 07:15 PM

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May 05 2023, 07:14 PM

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Dec 31 2022, 09:21 AM

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Dec 13 2022, 09:56 PM

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Dec 13 2022, 09:55 PM

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- dh'essi noctorum da vahli, Scathen

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-

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- kha'la du-vek nira mal, O'Dahu

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- esselia vheil la noctru'um, Un'Dou

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Journal

Oct 11 2023, 06:01 PM

something feels off. I met up with my blood family again last night. many of whom I hadn't met in person in years, but even the ones who I did meet regularly were behaving strangely. its like they were caught in the past, trying to constantly remember a version of me that isn't real. its like they want the old me back, the person I dont recognize in old photographs anymore.

they weren't hostile yet, but it was very off-putting.

Sep 25 2023, 07:22 AM
Private entry
Aug 21 2023, 10:01 PM

Growing up, I heard constantly from every adult, every peer, that once you grow past a certain point, your perception of time will distort and you life will flash past you in the blink of an eye. to an extent I found this sentiment to be true. For over a decade I... well I wouldn't necessarily say I lived... I existed? even that description is a stretch at best. I was, for lack of a better term, lost in the ways between. not dead yet, but not anywhere near living either. Just waiting in solitude, counting the days before I finally decide I'd had enough. 10 years where I did nothing, took no chances, made minimal if any lasting memories; and because of that, those 10 years felt months apart.

two years ago, I regained a lost sense of purpose and hope, people who genuinely care, people I can trust to be myself around. this last year I took the initiative to be as active in their lives as well as my own. It was chaotic and exhausting, certainly, but it was more than worth it. Then I looked back the other day at my photo albums, just reflecting on the past, and it hit me. it was only two years and yet it felt like a decade had passed. My perception of time slowed down so significantly because I took back control of my life and lived; even if I didn't have all the answers, or much less, know what the hell I was doing. I broke that cycle my peers got themselves caught in, and the way I did so was so simple. The trick is there is no trick, no arcane secrets to unlock. I was the only one holding myself back.

And now I finally understand what I want from life. just keep in contact with my friends, keep taking that active role, do whatever I can to facilitate that life until I drop dead. Your life will pass you by in a flash if you let it, so take the initiative and live, in that, you'll find you have a lot more time than you realize. It is quite possibly one of the most valuable lessons I have learned.

Jun 02 2023, 06:51 PM

Its such a strange feeling looking at my blood family from the other side of the glass. they see in me an image I forged over the years I was with them, separated by long bouts of silence. through years of shattered trust I grew detached, but that was long ago, now I'm so far past the point of no return I dont  even remember what it looked like when I passed it. I hardly know them... they know me even less.

while I did eventually find a family I can call my own, I look back at where I came from with wistful yearning both to reconnect and detach further. Best I can do nowadays is appear for a short period of time and  cause some amount of chaos and fun that everyone can remember and look forward to, without revealing anything of my life beyond the mundane, only to leave without a word and return to my real family. its not a perfect system, nor anything close to ideal, but its better than what I used to do, its better than holding these old embers waiting to throw them at my enemies. If anyone reads this, take away from it this: dont hold grudges forever, it'll hurt you more than anyone else.

                                                               --  Entry Concludes --

Nov 02 2022, 08:50 PM

so this is what its like to have a family, to be surrounded by people you can trust enough to be yourself without walking on eggshells or being on edge waiting for a fight or a chance to escape, to not have to constantly worry about your own safety in their presence. It feels so foreign to me, yet it also feels like I can breathe again. Maybe life isn't so bad after all

                                                     -- Entry Concludes --

Sep 05 2022, 03:59 AM

after 5 long years and a considerable amount of therapy, I'm finally able to let it all go; all the guilt, the secrets, the pain. My nightmares have gradually slowed to a halt. For the last few months now I haven't felt the need to mourn anymore. And for the first time in years I have some semblance of peace of mind. I think I'm ready now to leave the past behind me and move on with my life.

                                                    -- Entry Concludes --

Apr 11 2022, 07:03 AM

Against my fears I found my answer, I had a feeling things would turn out this way and I suppose I should have expected it sooner... much sooner. I wont even pretend it doesn't sting, of course it hurts... but this is what I asked for in silence after all... I shouldn't be complaining. At the end of it, I'm just happy we're all still alive.

  -- Entry Concludes --

Mar 02 2022, 04:50 AM

coming back to it again was a strange experience. Ali needed help with her anxiety so I calmed her down the only way I knew how, by telling her the things I wanted to be told many years ago in the dark. it worked just like it did before with the others. However, this time, through it all, I felt a ghost lingering on my shoulder and my heart grew sore. No matter how many years pass, I guess some things never truly go away...

-- Entry Concludes --

Feb 10 2022, 05:08 AM

every time... every time now. I feel like I'm wearing a metal harness around my chest, holding a silver stake poised to pierce my heart, the cruelty of this cursed trap is that the closer I get to the ones I love, the deeper it drives the nail straight through. I thought after all this time, after all the work I've put in to lay the past to rest, that I'd finally be free of this damned cage... but I was wrong. maybe this is just how its meant to be...

-- Entry Concludes --

May 14 2020, 10:50 AM
May 14, 2020 Entry 6_ Looking back I can see clearly that nothing has fundamentally changed. I've spent the last seven years running from the ghost in the mirror to no avail. Even now, I sometimes catch myself trying to run away despite knowing I can't escape myself forever... But whenever I turn to face it, I find myself all alone. -- Entry Concludes --

Oct 11 2023, 06:01 PM

something feels off. I met up with my blood family again last night. many of whom I hadn't met in person in years, but even the ones who I did meet regularly were behaving strangely. its like they were caught in the past, trying to constantly remember a version of me that isn't real. its like they want the old me back, the person I dont recognize in old photographs anymore.

they weren't hostile yet, but it was very off-putting.

Comments (Add Comment)

Sep 25 2023, 07:22 AM

well... its done. After 5 long years of keeping that noose around, I finally felt ready to let it go. I don't need it anymore. I dont want it anymore. I dont ever want to go back to that place.

I set it over a pyre, along with my old note and pills that by now were already long past expired. I watched it all burn and I stayed to watch until there was nothing left of it. there is a part of me that wishes I would have done this sooner, but as is the running theme of my life, "better late than never".

some of my friends asked me why I went through the trouble of burning it rather than just throwing it away. tbh it was more cathartic for me. I made the active choice to create it, and it was my choice to destroy it, to give myself closure.

all my life I've been coasting through, just waiting for an excuse to leave. I let my life control me. I let my past control me. now I feel ready to take back control of my life.

-- Entry Concludes --

Comments (Add Comment)

Aug 21 2023, 10:01 PM

Growing up, I heard constantly from every adult, every peer, that once you grow past a certain point, your perception of time will distort and you life will flash past you in the blink of an eye. to an extent I found this sentiment to be true. For over a decade I... well I wouldn't necessarily say I lived... I existed? even that description is a stretch at best. I was, for lack of a better term, lost in the ways between. not dead yet, but not anywhere near living either. Just waiting in solitude, counting the days before I finally decide I'd had enough. 10 years where I did nothing, took no chances, made minimal if any lasting memories; and because of that, those 10 years felt months apart.

two years ago, I regained a lost sense of purpose and hope, people who genuinely care, people I can trust to be myself around. this last year I took the initiative to be as active in their lives as well as my own. It was chaotic and exhausting, certainly, but it was more than worth it. Then I looked back the other day at my photo albums, just reflecting on the past, and it hit me. it was only two years and yet it felt like a decade had passed. My perception of time slowed down so significantly because I took back control of my life and lived; even if I didn't have all the answers, or much less, know what the hell I was doing. I broke that cycle my peers got themselves caught in, and the way I did so was so simple. The trick is there is no trick, no arcane secrets to unlock. I was the only one holding myself back.

And now I finally understand what I want from life. just keep in contact with my friends, keep taking that active role, do whatever I can to facilitate that life until I drop dead. Your life will pass you by in a flash if you let it, so take the initiative and live, in that, you'll find you have a lot more time than you realize. It is quite possibly one of the most valuable lessons I have learned.

Comments (Add Comment)

Jun 02 2023, 06:51 PM

Its such a strange feeling looking at my blood family from the other side of the glass. they see in me an image I forged over the years I was with them, separated by long bouts of silence. through years of shattered trust I grew detached, but that was long ago, now I'm so far past the point of no return I dont  even remember what it looked like when I passed it. I hardly know them... they know me even less.

while I did eventually find a family I can call my own, I look back at where I came from with wistful yearning both to reconnect and detach further. Best I can do nowadays is appear for a short period of time and  cause some amount of chaos and fun that everyone can remember and look forward to, without revealing anything of my life beyond the mundane, only to leave without a word and return to my real family. its not a perfect system, nor anything close to ideal, but its better than what I used to do, its better than holding these old embers waiting to throw them at my enemies. If anyone reads this, take away from it this: dont hold grudges forever, it'll hurt you more than anyone else.

                                                               --  Entry Concludes --

Comments (Add Comment)

Nov 02 2022, 08:50 PM

so this is what its like to have a family, to be surrounded by people you can trust enough to be yourself without walking on eggshells or being on edge waiting for a fight or a chance to escape, to not have to constantly worry about your own safety in their presence. It feels so foreign to me, yet it also feels like I can breathe again. Maybe life isn't so bad after all

                                                     -- Entry Concludes --

Comments (Add Comment)

Sep 05 2022, 03:59 AM

after 5 long years and a considerable amount of therapy, I'm finally able to let it all go; all the guilt, the secrets, the pain. My nightmares have gradually slowed to a halt. For the last few months now I haven't felt the need to mourn anymore. And for the first time in years I have some semblance of peace of mind. I think I'm ready now to leave the past behind me and move on with my life.

                                                    -- Entry Concludes --

Comments (Add Comment)

Apr 11 2022, 07:03 AM

Against my fears I found my answer, I had a feeling things would turn out this way and I suppose I should have expected it sooner... much sooner. I wont even pretend it doesn't sting, of course it hurts... but this is what I asked for in silence after all... I shouldn't be complaining. At the end of it, I'm just happy we're all still alive.

  -- Entry Concludes --

Comments (Add Comment)

Mar 02 2022, 04:50 AM

coming back to it again was a strange experience. Ali needed help with her anxiety so I calmed her down the only way I knew how, by telling her the things I wanted to be told many years ago in the dark. it worked just like it did before with the others. However, this time, through it all, I felt a ghost lingering on my shoulder and my heart grew sore. No matter how many years pass, I guess some things never truly go away...

-- Entry Concludes --

Comments (Add Comment)

Feb 10 2022, 05:08 AM

every time... every time now. I feel like I'm wearing a metal harness around my chest, holding a silver stake poised to pierce my heart, the cruelty of this cursed trap is that the closer I get to the ones I love, the deeper it drives the nail straight through. I thought after all this time, after all the work I've put in to lay the past to rest, that I'd finally be free of this damned cage... but I was wrong. maybe this is just how its meant to be...

-- Entry Concludes --

Comments (Add Comment)

May 14 2020, 10:50 AM

May 14, 2020 Entry 6_ Looking back I can see clearly that nothing has fundamentally changed. I've spent the last seven years running from the ghost in the mirror to no avail. Even now, I sometimes catch myself trying to run away despite knowing I can't escape myself forever... But whenever I turn to face it, I find myself all alone. -- Entry Concludes --

Comments (Add Comment)