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Emo Meet - London UK - August 2011

MariahMarie's Journal

Total Journal Entries: 6

Jan 03 2013, 12:45 PM

So Many People React To Others Speaking Of Suicide And Cutting And Being Ugly And Fat When Their Really Pretty. Others Are Getting Attention They Want. They May Not Accept The Fact. But Some People Actully Notice.
So Many People Have No Idea. There's A Lot of People Crying out For Help. But no one notices. Either because these people are crying alone.. Suffering. Or people are too cought up in others. And they just dont give a shit.
Some people cry for help secretly. Some ask for help through messages, but dont say they need the help. They use quotes. They say little things people dont notice.
One of these times something's gonna happen that may effect you and when you look back, you coulda stopped it. You coulda spoke up. Everyone has a voice.
Some People Need To Speak The Hell Up.
Cuz Bad Sit Happens To People You Leaste Expect It ago Happen Too.
Most People Will Ignore this, because im not body. Im just another face on this site.

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Nov 17 2012, 12:03 AM

So Many People Tell Mehh To Just Kill My Self Already... Im Starting To Think Why Not... What Am I Waiting For..

Boyfriend Broke Up With Mehh Yesterday. (11/16/12)
The girl im inlove with probably dont love mehh anymore.

Im not that pretty..
I dont know if i can take this heart break.

Im losing weight like crazy. I dont eat. I think somethings wrong with mehh.

I wanna cry..
When i think of my life...
My tummy turns..
I lose my breath..
I cant breath..

All i think about it killing my self and/or cutting...

Im nothing but a waste of time..

Theres so many problems at home..

No one understands or knows what im going through..

What Am I Waiting For.

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Nov 16 2012, 03:10 PM

When You Know And See Your Depression Get Worse..:(
I hate this break up :(

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Nov 15 2012, 12:45 PM

So Theres This Girl.
Im Totally In Love With Her.
Her names Eve.
Okay So This Is The Story,

I didnt really talk to her. I was on facebook and i seen a status and i liked it. So Eves status was "like if youu wanna be married on here!" So i liked it. Even though there was already more then 10 likes. So imwas pretty sure she wasnt gonna pick mehh. Besides she was really fuckin pretty. Well like a day or so later she messaged mehh asking mehh if i wanted to get married. I had forgot i liked her status hahha! But i ended up remembering ha! I thought she was Really Beautiful nd cute so i started hitting on her, mehh being a dumb ass I didnt know she was stight. She told mehh she was stright and i told her soorry. We continuted talking (As Friends) and yeah well my feeling were getttings worse. I was falling inlove with a girl i knew id never have. I hated the feeling. But i loved talking to her.
She hadd a boyfriend nd since mehh nd her were talking like everyday, he started getting mad cuz she was paying more attention to mehh. I felt special and i felt kinda bad too. She told mehh not to worry about it. So i didnt.
Well one day she said we had to talk. She told mehh she was getting feelings for mehh. My heart Skipped several beats!! Was this my chance, was i finally gonna get the girl of my dreams. Did i seriously just turn a stright person bi. (: i felt pretty damn proud of myself!! :D
Well we started flirting and started calling eachother babe. She was still with her boyfriend so i ended up getting back with my ex. I told my ex about her and he said it was fine. He didnt mind. And well she told her boyfriend as well. He thought it was pretty hot! xD hA! Yeah so after awhile she started to think mehh nd her should just date already, so she asked mehh if i wanted to have a boyfriend and a girlfriend, i said i was gonna think about it.(:
Well we planned a day were we were gonna hang out. Se had her friend come get mehh. She onviously came with ha! So i got to see her! :D i fell 100x harder for her. Ha! She also fell pretty hard i guess lol!
Leaving at the end of the night sucked! :( but it was okay i was gonna see her again soon! But sooner than i thought.
She was getting sent to a group home for 6-9months or 1year to 2years.
So i went to go see her. I skipped school and she was suspended. somit worked out pretty good hahha!! We were walking around town and some ladie had called the cops on us. Not sure why but her bitch ass did. Oh well. But yeah cops accused us of smokeing. We werent -___- she had quit smoking and drinking for mehh. Nd well i w as a few days clean. So we were totally fine. It was bull shit.
But they ended up taking her. They took her to a detention center. One of ma other friends was also there. So he told mehh a little bit about what happen. She hased to write mehh, they wouldnt let her! She was pissed! I was pissed once he told mehh. She wasnt able to talk to anyone besides family. :/ so she wasnt able to talk to mehh. :(
Well about a week or two..maybe three, well i bad been getting drunk nd i was high as hell all the time. I didnt have a sober moment in a few mnths. My depression had gotten worse! I wasnt eatting. When i ryed, id puke. Id catch myself cutting a lot. I carved her name into my wrist. I started getting dizzy after cutting so deeply. So i decided to slow it down, i didnt wann leave earth without telling her i loved her and telling her how much i loved her. :( i couldnt do it. But ive been waiting for her. People tell mehh to quit my shit, theyd tell mehh i dont have a chance and when she'd get back, she wont love mehh. I got depressed about that. I was worryed she wasnt gonna come back and love mehh.. I didnt know what to do.
But ever since she left, ive sent her a message ober facebook even though she cant check facebook.. But when she gets back, it'll be there. <3
Im not sure if anyones life has changed since she left... But mine changed big time. <\3

Im noot giving up. Ive been waiting more than 6Months. <3
I Love This Girl So Much!<3

But im worried she wont love mehh back.. :(

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Nov 08 2012, 05:29 PM

So My Journals May Be Personal And Some What Odd, But zim Just Gonna Write Whats On My Mind Nd How I Feel About A Lotta Things. You Guys May Not Take The Time atonread Anything but thas okay.

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Nov 08 2012, 05:25 PM

Yeah well i think about it all the time. Im not proud of it. But thats not my fault. Well i guess it is. But what ever. So many people say they wanna die. To mehh its like a cry for help. Ive tryed several time. Im suprised im still alive sometimes.
Theres so much going on in my life.. All i think about is Suicide.
I try to help people with their problems so they dont end up like mehh.. But thats not working. :( im still trying to help people.
Suicide is getting worse.
People are killing them selfs because of depression.
Because of bullying.
Because no one cares.

There are so many people who need to stop. They need to respect others. Life is Beautiful.

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Total Journal Entries: 6