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katastrophe415's Journal

Total Journal Entries: 3

Dec 12 2012, 06:08 PM

I feel like I'm drowning

Suffercated by my own doing

I lose sight of what's right

My minds lack of air

I can't run

I can't hide

Not from these problems

That I call mine

They run deeper

The solution gets further

I can't pretend I was never there

I can't undo what's been done

My eyes may cry

My heart may break tonight

But I must make the wrong

I've done right

For tonight may be the last

To do my time

I can't run

I can't hide

Not from these problems

That I call mine

Its time to face it all tonight

I have to make it right

Its the last night

All of it is eating me alive

And I can't run

Nor can I hide

From these problems

That I'm forced to make right

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Dec 12 2012, 06:03 PM


it was so easy to trust,
To forgive,
And to forget.
Of how simple it was to be happy,
To smile,
To laugh,
And to love.
I remember my mother telling me
That I was so strong,
So smart,
And so beautiful.
She had said I could be anything,
My dreams of being everything
Ran wild with my imagination
Of that time
But they were only dreamt up
So that they could be broken,
Shattered before my eye
Smiles had been stolen,
Happiness was now forged,
And the love was now lost.
Remind me why I wanted to grow up so fast again?
Forced to witness the lies
And unforgiving tendencies of the human population
Oh how I miss the simplicity
Of those childhood memories
As of now,
Trust is broken,
Forgiveness is unfathomable
Happiness turns to endless sorrow
And love,
Love seems forever lost
Broken down by society
And I blend in with the distorted crowd
Goodbye to that optimistic child
That was so strong,
So smart,
And to beautiful......

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Dec 12 2012, 06:00 PM

Dream-Like Reality

She feels the hostility in the atmosphere immediately as she walks through the door, out of the rain, into her ‘home’.

“Oh God, I’d rather be anywhere but here,” Alice thinks to herself. “Anywhere.”

It’s the same usual welcome she receives everyday when she gets home, there was never a “hello dear” or “how was your day, honey?” Just that same familiar glare from her mother. She brushes it off and proceeds to her room, just as always. Her room was her place of solitude, her own personal sanctuary, a place of peace but this only lasts for a short while.

Mother now beginning to yell, busts into Alice’s and starts yelling at her, as though she had done something wrong although she never had. Alice was a 4.0 student, making honor role and never getting in trouble. But Alice was never enough and could never please mom. Nothing she did was right.

By now though she knew to hold her tongue, not once has Alice ever talked back to Mom, but by now she was able to block out most of her mothers rants. She learned that if she just replied with a ‘yes ma’am” or “It won’t happen again” or even the occasional nod of her head that the argument would die down and her mom would stop yelling. Usually the arguments would be about how Alice forgot to put the lid back on the toothpaste or not putting the dishes away even though they used paper plates and plastic solo cups, but her mom would find any reason to yell at her. Alice never got mad at her mother for this nor did she hate her mother for the insulting words she spats at her, nothing seemed to faze Alice anymore. To her it was just another day to get though just like every other day; it would pass and be gone as soon as it came.

Now that mother has left, Alice sits in her room alone. Usually she’d stare at the walls and try to decipher the pictures in the dry wall, remembering how she used to do this with her dad, who had left sometime ago; mother of course blaming it on her. But instead of her staring at walls, she now starts thinking and imagining a place that’s far far away from her god forsaken home town. A place where the nights as bright as the day and a party could last for days not just hours, where knew her name and she was famous; she would be the life of any and every party. The people of this imaginary city would love her and she would be just like royalty.

The idea of this someday imaginary town is what kept alice going, that someday shed get out and someday shed be just like royalty. Alice promised to herself that she would become more than anyone could have ever imagined. As the days passed, someday came closer and closer. The dream fades and she gets ready for another sleepless night.

Waking in the morning was somewhat pleasant, she had actually slept well. But wait! Something isn’t right. This isn’t her bed, nor her familiar warn sheets. Frightened Alice jumps out of the bed, quickly trying to figure out where she’s at. Looking around she sees she’s in an extravagantly enormous set up of the room. The sheets are made of silk along with her PJs she has on. There’s a chandler hanging in the center, high above the ground, in this room.

How did she get here? Where did these clothes come from? Where was she? All of a sudden a servant looking-like; suit and tie, person walks in, Alice, who is still extremely bewildered, just stares at him. He wasn’t a bad looking man, maybe in his late 20s, light blue eyes with his hair neatly tied back into a small pony tail.

He asks, “Is there anything I can do or get for you Miss Alice?”

Alice, confusion clearly across her face, she replies slowly, “Where am I? Who are you? How do you know my name?!”

With a slight chuckle he answers, “I’m Jacob, one of your many servants; one of your favorites or so I thought.” He chuckles again slightly, “You, Alice, are in your mansion on the edge of the city of Aquestria, we carried you up here last night after you fell at your own party, knocking yourself out. I’ll call the doctor at once it seems a though you’ve got some sort of amnesia.” Jacob starts heading for the door.

Alice is slightly in shock she says harshly, “No! You’re not calling anyone! How do I know your not lying to me?! Or that you didn’t drug me to fulfill your own sick twisted fantasy??! I don’t know any of this or you!!”

Jacob now stopping at the door, his hand on the knob, says “Fallow me we have all the proof you’ll ever need, you never liked to forget a good party and to you they were all good parties. We have footage to your own personal notes.”

Alice, questioning the authenticity of Jacob’s offer, fallows him carefully outside of the room. She figured that since there were no restraints on her nor some sort of tape around her mouth, that she could make a run for it if she needed to. They went down a series of halls, one after another. After a while though she gave up on the idea that she could make a run for it, this place was a maze of twisting and turning halls, it seemed nearly endless. It felt pointless to try and run, where would she go? She’d most likely get lost in the maze of hallways and rooms, only to be later found by one of her so called ‘servants’. Eventually Jacob had led her to a smaller room at the end of one of the many hallways. So caught up in how she could make an escape she wasn’t even paying attention to where or how they got there.

When Alice when inside the room she noticed it was a study, the room was still huge; not nearly as big as the room she woke up in though. It was filled with shelves of notebooks and CDs, which she assumed were the recorded ‘parties’.

At this moment Jacob says, “search to your hears content, I promise you’ll fine all you need, Miss Alice. I shall be back in a while to see how you’re doing, like I had said before I’m going to go call the doctor to double check your all right and make sure your brain isn’t bleeding or something like that.” He then excuses himself and leaves Alice alone to look among the vas amounts of journals and tapes.

Alice searched for about two hours or so, reading most of the journals; that were in her hand writing, and watching several dozen of the videos. This had to be real, there was all the proof in the world and according to it Alice as a complete party animal, socially awkward Alice was the center of the social party scene here. How could she not have any memory of this? She had no idea how she could have gotten here or how she could have possibly had a house like this. She was only 18, but who knows, in this world she could very well be 110 years old and have the appearance of a young lady. Anything was possible here, so it seemed.

Jacob now returning to the study where Alice resides, he peaked his head inside the room to see the mess Alice had created while doing her ‘research’. Alice looks up to see him standing the door open with a stranger by his side.

“This is Dr. Reynolds, I called him to check up on you,” says Jacob.

Dr. Reynolds approaches Alice as she sits in one of the many chairs in the study. He says, “Hello my dear how are you doing this Afternoon?”

Taking a quick look at the clock Alice notices its already about 3o’clock, it must’ve been more then two hours that she has been sitting here, but she replies “Fine I suppose, I don’t remember anything though, other than maybe my name.”

The doctor asks Alice a series of questions like “What’s your name?” or “When’s your birthday?”, and “who are your parents?”. Eventually Dr. Reynolds comes to the conclusion that she has a mild form of short term memory loss, but other than that her body and her brain are in fine working order.

As a last thing before he leaves he says “You should be in fine working order by the time your party starts tonight.” Smiling as he left.

Alice quickly looking towards Jacob, “I have a party?! Tonight?!”

“Yes, Alice, you do. Let me lead you to your stylists, since you clearly wont remember where they are.” Jacob chuckles slightly.

Alice replies sarcastically, “Haha, yah go ahead make a joke of this.”

Jacob only smirks and leads Alice down all the halls to her so called stylists.

“My gosh! I look gorgeous” Alice thinks after the stylists are done with hair and make-up. Wardrobe is next they put a elegant but still sexy looking dress on her; black with a white belt around the waist, strapless but still fitting the curvature of her body. It was an absolutely stunning dress. The stylists tried making her ware heels but she couldn’t walk in them if her life depended on them. So they put her in flats.

Alice is then escorted downstairs by Jacob to an enormous party/ballroom. There were so many people, this had to be all of Aquestria! Countless amounts of people were introduced to her, endless drinks were handed to her; which she never drank, there were dances and the music was fantastic. Alice had never had so much fun in her entire life. Before she knew it the night was over, although she didn’t want it to end, but she figured tomorrow was another day in this new mysterious life.

Jacob leads her to one of the many rooms which are in her enormous home, she hugs Jacob good night, closes the door and prepares for bed. Climbing underneath the soft silk sheets she instantly feels comfort. She closes her heavy eye lids and wispers to the empty room, “goodnight” and falls in to a deep sleep.

Alice wakes up to find herself in her old home. She sits up in her old bed puzzled. Could it have been just a dream? But that’s impossible…it had to be real, it had not felt like just a dream at all. It had to be real….right?

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Total Journal Entries: 3