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Emo lyricsDestiny, will you cure me? Trust, will you age with me? Hear me scream, Destiny, will you cure me? Hear me scream as I face tomorrowEmo song lyrics
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Emo Meet - London UK - August 2011

DizzyDotRocks's Journal

Total Journal Entries: 4

Aug 02 2012, 02:20 PM

I honestly don't know how the fuck I'm supposed to carry on like this. I've made too many mistakes now and it's too late to turn back. I used to be adamant I knew what I was doing with my life, and back then, my 14 year old self knew exactly what I should do. But my 18 year old self has not taken any advice from her, and has taken exactly the kind of decisions my 14 year old self would never take. And where has it left me? Here. Desperate to get out, but too frightened to. As they say, I've made my bed, now I must sleep in it. I don't want to. But I'll die either way.

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Jul 12 2012, 02:51 PM

I guess I should've known everything was too good to be true. I felt everything was going smoothly for once; I'd found myself a good job with good money, I believed I'd done fairly well in my exams (though admittedly, I still don't know my results), and my moods were starting to ease up. But so many things just keep going wrong, I feel under so much pressure, and my moods are coming back with a vengeance. Yesterday, I actually started crying at work (not in front of customers, I felt it coming on so went to the loos for privacy). I understand that depression never truly goes away, but I thought it was at least getting better.

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Jul 02 2012, 03:23 PM

So I feel really guilty atm... today, I started my new job, and my best friend lost hers. She was still on her probationary period and apparently she wasn't meeting her targets, but I don't believe that. I don't know if it's the same in other parts of the country, but unfortunately, round here, too many businesses have been "using" their employees - either employing them on a "permanent" basis then sacking them at the end of their probationary period (which happens to coincide with the end of their busy period...), finding ridiculous excuses to sack them because the business is running into trouble and it will save making them redundant, or just being complete dicks. Of course, my best friend may honestly have not been good enough for the job, but when she's spoken to me about it she says she's been doing well, and I don't believe it considering how commonplace these practices are round here. On a more selfish note, it also makes me worry about my job - I have a 6 month probationary period. Will they sack me just before the 6 months is up too?

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Jun 01 2012, 02:46 PM

Well this is strange... today was my last day of 6th form (besides 2 more exams and a couple of lessons my French teacher has asked me to come in for)... but it doesn't feel like the last day :/ Very excited though to start my first full-time job on 2nd July :) Although I'm only planning on staying there a few years before setting up my own theatre company :) But, uhh, I kinda need the money to do so first xD

But yeahh... going to a local restaurant 3 times in the next few weeks with each of my subject classes :) And then there's leaver's ball which is gonna be awesomeeee!!! And getting involved with my sixth form's theatre company's production again this year, which will also be awesome! So things are looking pretty good atm :)

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Total Journal Entries: 4