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Picture, picture, smile for the picture Pose with your brother won't you be a good sister? Dollhouse, by Melanie Martinez

Emo Forums » Other (Reply)

selfhater
Posts: 678
song lyrics Nov 21 2008, 05:53 PM
iv'e just written this song, my first one. please give some feedback you time is standing still nothing is happening myself i wish to kill is this an ending i saw you walking again you face so sweet do i follow you down the street chorus i never knew that life could go so fast i never knew that we could last your the only ray in my darkest day chorus i see you everywhere walking without a care why would you be interested in me unexpecting i turn to see you facing me you ask for my hand a smile crosses my face chorus i never knew that life could go so fast i never knew that we could last your the only ray in my darkest day chorus ten months its been now im so glad sparing me my life and it was only you who cared will you be my wife chorus i never knew that life could go so fast i never knew that we could last your the only ray in my darkest day chorus be as harsh as you like

Replies

Emo Pictures - Black-Rose-Warlord
Black-Rose-Warlord
Posts: 30
Nov 28 2008, 08:58 PM
its ok it could use a little work
selfhater
Posts: 678
Nov 28 2008, 09:24 PM
like????????
Emo Pictures - shallow_believer
shallow_believer
Posts: 105
Nov 30 2008, 07:35 AM
that's pretty good Im so curious who is your inspiration while your writing that song?
selfhater
Posts: 678
Nov 30 2008, 08:36 AM
lol it was 4 my gf. useless now as she dumped me last week
Jeff_MCRnutter
Posts: 332
Dec 01 2008, 11:24 AM
awww sucks dude i do like the song tho.. i think its quite short, n if its a song n not a poem u have to think about the rhythm n the beat.. make sure its the same throughout (obv can change for chorus!) but all in all its good XD

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