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Down I fell, deep into your mind off to wonderland, leaving what's real behind. Where's My Wonderland, by Blood On The Dance Floor

Emo Forums » Emo Poetry (Reply)

EmoLoVeR_13
Posts: 11
Beautiful Creature Mar 09 2012, 10:38 PM
Ummm Could you tell me what you think of this...this was one of the first poems i wrote after my first true love broke my heart...Please be honest.. You were my Beautiful Creature Your eyes could open the gates to my soul.. Your laugh could make my heart melt.. Your soul was connected to mine.. But now I see that i was blind.. You are not Beautiful only a dark Creature The eyes that once showed me kindness, Only show bitterness and hatered The voice that once said "I love you" .. Only say ugly and hurtful words Your soul is no longer connected to mine! It is as black as the tomb it was buried in! Goodbye My Beautiful Creature...

Replies

Emo Pictures - xxxEvexxx
xxxEvexxx
Posts: 75
Mar 11 2012, 09:38 AM
i think that is an amazing poem it shows how you feel and how you loved but are now so sad. it really is a very good poem keep it up and btw you dont need someone like that if they are gonna be horrible to you. :)
Emo Pictures - AliVicious
AliVicious
Posts: 12
Mar 15 2012, 07:50 PM
It is a good work, I advise you to work on really lyricizing your emotions for a more gut wrenching feel, and work on connecting with your audience, and the emotion behind this poem. My advise comes from being Vice President of Freefall, a small literary magazine put out to my local community. Power to you!

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