Emo Scene Community

Okay so this should probably be in help and advice but here goes.. Back in February 2011 I met up with a friend of a friend an we fell in love, two months later she moved in, a few weeks later I got her into the top college in the area as I was a member of staff there. One year seven months down the line after I buy her lots of gifts, teach her all about intimacy, give her education, food, shelter and support she walks out an sends her sister to collect her stuff without a word to me. I just seen her facebook an she's wearing short dresses and out drinking all the time, I've tried my best but I'm shutting down. I stopped eating when I could again and my BMI is dangerously low, I drink when I'm alone and can afford to until I fall asleep, I've started cutting again and this facebook thing is pushing me further. Ive been looking at the medication in the cubord from when my dad had cancer and a heart condition and I feel like downing all of the left over medication. Before her I was in a relationship with a girl 183 miles away. I went to see her, gave her a ton of gifts, set us up at a B n B and spoilt her rotten. She got pregnant with my child and lost it after I had to return home to study as she "wanted to test me" so this relationship was my chance of recovery. I feel I cant trust anyone but it's killing me not to be in a relationship, to give the world to someone. In the first relationship I mentioned we were married by common law according to the government as I had to claim JSA for a short time and I was planning to propose on her birthday (about 7 days after she literally walked out) and with the second we were engaged, everything was planned and we obviously had a child on the way. I want someone to give everything I can to, by now I planned to at least be married (yes I know I'm young but we all want different things out of life). I don't know what to say or do or even if I should try and carry on. I'm a shy guy and each relationship we heavily suggested we liked each other.. Okay I'm crying thinking about it.. I can't flirt and I can't start relationships easily so I feel I'm going to be alone for life. Is it wrong I want to devote my life to someone and give them everything? My ex left as I got my apprenticeship so I never told her how we were going to travel the world together so am I wrong for wanting that too? And a wedding to dream of with a family? I've spent thousands on two girls I thought I could give the world to and just get love if nothing else back. In total I bought a camera, a few bits of clothing and a laptop for myself out of my entire life savings and earnings. I have no drivers license as I ran out of money learning so I could give the second girl I took away the holiday of her dreams. I lost friends as I wanted to be with my partner every waking moment. I have no confidence left. I just need advice and someone to love.... At least advice :) ..... I can still joke and put a smile on my face as my body is numb and I'm empty inside