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scarlett-wrists
Posts: 4

THE HURT Feb 13 2014, 04:45 AM

she screams in pain. Her heart feeling as tho she doesnt matter. Soft tears tremble down her face, As she brings the blade to her throbbing veing, One slice is all it takes to end her misery once and for all.. She takes the option and with one swift slice she cuts of her life source forever. As the blood runs down her arm, her bitter sweet blodd She says good bye to the world..... ... FOREVER

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Total Forum Posts: 6

fallenangel13
Posts: 1

Feb 13 2014, 03:22 PM

beautiful poem...and also, you are gorgeous(:

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scarlett-wrists
Posts: 4

Feb 13 2014, 05:33 PM

thanks.. i have many more.. just ask and i will post more <3 thanks u r gorgeous two :D

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TheLaughsassin
Posts: 8

Feb 16 2014, 05:08 PM

Ahem. -Keep capitalization consistent. If you start one line with a capital letter, do it again for the next. -It's "though." Could it kill you to fully write out the word "though?" and not "tho?" Wait, don't answer that. -It's "vein." Not "veing." -Ellipses have three periods, not two. -It's "off." Not "of." -Bittersweet is one word ._. -"Blood," not "blodd." -If it's an ellipses, use three periods. In this case, use a dash, since it connects one part of the sentence- -to the next on the next line. -Dude...Cutting your wrist doesn't kill you. It's blood loss that does. And a cut on the wrist wouldn't be enough to actually kill you - and dunking it in a tub filled with water isn't even enough. You'd have to have the whole of your arms torn up, and profusely bleeding in order to even pass out from it. Sheesh. Even a cut to the neck - the jugular vein - wouldn't result in an immediate death. I'd advise looking up a few things? Seriously? ...And why write about a subject as awful as cutting/suicide? Glorifying it? Have you thought for a moment that you may need professional help? That you have a problem? Just my opinion, though.

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scarlett-wrists
Posts: 4

Feb 16 2014, 05:33 PM

ahem.. i was using my phone to write this.. i don't care if my spellings not perfect. i don't exactly have a computer so i use my phone.. yes i have a problem and yes i do have help but writing poems is my outlet it helps my deal with my emotional pain.. i used to be in hospital to get stitches on my cuts because my depression was so bad but now just writing about it has helped me stop my cutting... you seem to have a very large opinion on poetry PLEASE NO NEGATIVE CRITISISM

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TheLaughsassin
Posts: 8

Feb 19 2014, 10:50 AM

It's not a negative opinion on poetry, it's called constructive criticism to help you improve. If there wasn't constructive criticism, then no one would get better at anything. As far as a phone is concerned, if you can type well on it, then power to you. You should still try. Hey, if it's any help, wallowing in the thing that makes you upset and writing about it really doesn't help. It's just me, but I tend to personify what I hate and brutally kill it in writing. Dwelling on it doesn't help.

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scarlett-wrists
Posts: 4

Feb 23 2014, 05:08 AM

i see your point there but it helps me..we all have our own way to deal with our problms mine is writing what i imagine doing to myself.. then read over it in a week or so and think to myself that im glad i didnt do that to myself as my week has been better than others... but thank you for your advise

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Total Forum Posts: 6

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