Emo Scene Community

earlyer i was on the floor , i wasn't perticlarly counfy i was just kinda there i knew i had to get up and finish cleaning but when i tryed to move my arm or leg nothing happened and i didn't have the will power to make something happen. i was lieing there not moveing symiply cuz i saw no piont in it, i didn't get up for quite a while i'd forgoten why i even had to get up. evrything seems so piontless. i was refecting and realised i've lost 4 best friends in 2 years . my friend carolyn who i was inseprible from since 4th grade feel out of touch 2 years ago then i made a friend named makayla we did everything together for about 6 month she was my best friend then she allmost got me arested and that was over. i then meet a friend i still call Pinky in my head because of his pink shorts i made the mistake of falling in love with him. i introducd him to one of my girl friend and they are getting married soon and they arn't talking to me. then keegan i met him 6 months ago and i've thought of him as my best friend but we both kinda liked eachother so we hung out and shit whent down a few days later after talking about how fun it was he just stoped talking to me. i been trying to reconect with my so called bestfriend for 2 months so yesterday i asked if we could hang out his anwser was "i have a girl friend" all i could think to say was "oh ok" then "dose you having a girl friend make us not friends some how" no responce after 3 days . its good to know the one person i trusted my only true friend was a lie aprently i never ment anything to him. my abillity to trust has been broken. when i think of him my heart hurt the physical organ hurts its a dull ach then my heart beats and its a stabing pain and all the time i feels like its trying to pump a to thick milk shake throught a to small straw. i haven't cryed tho. not yet. infact i feel noting at all no emothions till i sit in my dark room and think of how a razer feels on my wrist i was going on 6 months with out cutting i think im about to laps back. there used to be a reason i didn't cut but i've forgten it.