Emo Scene Community

I think it started when i was nine years old, my brother died because of an injury he got when he was in prison and everyone at his funeral was crying and saying how much they miss him, I didn't cry or care at all that he was dead, all I could think about was how he had spit in my face and said to fuck off when i was asking him to play with us i was four when that had happened but he moved away shortly after that so I grew up not really knowing who he was. I thought that was the reason why i didn't care, I would always have feelings for anime characters like Naruto, One Piece, ect but when i made my first friend seven months ago I shortly found out that i really didn't care much for her, sometimes i would make a stupid mistake and i would try to apologize for it but all i would end up doing is laughing, when I really thought about it i really didn't care if she was mad or not I just felt like i was obligated to say sorry to her even if i didn't mean it. even though we've only been friends for around seven months I trust her with more than anyone else has ever known about me. We're best friends and i trust her but just today i accidentally hurt her hand and she got mad at me I said sorry but I still had a smile on my face it wasn't just that but when i asked myself if i really cared I didn't feel a pit or pang in my heart like i did when watching an anime or movie, honesty i felt a bit amused. I want to feel some kind emotion for her i'm completely honest which is why she knows that I don't mean it when I say sorry to her I just don't get affected by it, does anyone else feel this way? When I think about it ever since I was in preschool, i had this friend I guess you could call her, we had the same toy phone and i thought i lost mine when i saw she had the same one, so I blamed her the teacher found mine but i don't think i ever apologized to her or even felt sorry and i was three years old!