Addiction hurts families. Some people have a hard time mending relationships with the people who matter most after hurting them while under the influence of drugs or alcohol. Nobody ever said it would be easy, but there is hope for the future of these relationships. Addicts that get the help they need and make the right positive changes are often able to get back to the place of love and respect that they so desire.
I recently spoke with a number of recovering addicts, and many shared stories about how they’ve been able to reconnect with family members.
John graduated from the
Treehouse in Texas in early December, and moved back in with his wife and kids in May. I asked him what it meant to be able to return home.
“It’s a process. Like anything in life or recovery, it’s a process,” he told me. “I was still around taking care of my kids and being involved with them. Then my wife started to trust me to come home for two nights a week, so I started coming home on weekends. But then there were times when I still couldn’t be there on the weekends. I’d have a dabble of being back in family life, and then it would be taken away. It sucked — but at the same time, it allowed me some space to keep working on me. I was able to read more and to journal more. There were some benefits too.
“Overall, it was embarrassing,” he added. “I didn’t feel like a good father, like I was letting my kids down, like I was letting my wife down, like I was letting my parents down. But when you get out of treatment, that’s when the real work begins. You have the right skills to help you work through that. I learned skills at the Treehouse that help me face hard times without having to turn to a substance to cope.”
Sally, another recovering addict, had some different issues with her family when she got out of rehab, but like with John, things took a turn for the positive after a rocky start.
“When I got home, my father was still using,” Sally told me. “When I was in rehab, I worked with my psychiatrist and almost processed it like my father had died, because I didn’t know if he was going to choose sobriety when I got out. I knew if I let it affect me it would affect my sobriety. I talked to him about it when I came home. And after some time, he did choose sobriety.
“He told me that he was waiting for me to get back to make his choice,” she continued. “I’ll never forget him saying that. It’s very inspiring because it’s a trickle-down effect: I left and got myself healthy and put myself back together, and I was able to help him put himself back together.
“When I was in rehab, my mother also decided she would benefit from some therapy. We talk all the time about how wonderful it is to have everyone back and healthy. I hope we don’t just talk about it because it’s been a year — I hope we talk about it forever. This was our path, and this is where it led. It could have turned out much differently, but we made the choice to get healthy, and that’s a big thing.”
John’s story is at once both heartbreaking and inspiring. He was patient and gave his family time to fully let him back into their lives, and it paid off. Sally’s story is inspiring in a whole different way. Not only did she reconnect with her family, but she was able to help them make better choices and live more positive lives.
If you take one thing away from all of this, it’s that things can indeed get better no matter how hopeless them may seem. Stay strong in your sobriety, and use what you’ve learned in rehab.
