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hushabye baby your almost dead you dont have a pulse and your pillow is red. your family hates you your friends let you bleed sleep tight with a knife cuz its all you need. cutters lullabye, by unknown

Emo Forums » Other (Reply)

742617000027
Posts: 9
Anyone else feeling generally uninspired? Mar 30 2021, 11:06 AM
As someone who has always relied on music, it's disheartening whenever my depression worsens to the point where I lose drive to even practice. Thanks to some circumstances beyond my control, I've lost some direction. I'm at an all time low, could go on about the unhealthy things I'm doing to myself (bad habits), but I won't do that. Instead, I'm going to whine about something that I don't know if anybody else is having a problem with or if it's just me. I have ALWAYS wanted to be a musician. I've never really questioned that, if given the chance, that's what I'd do. My depression and anxiety have gotten to the point recently, though, where I can't even bear to practice. I can pick up my instruments, play some scales, practice some mind numbing and hellish etudes, and replay the same old concerti, songs, and pieces over and over and over again... but I'm just not feeling it. I have nobody to play with or for. I guess all I'm really interested in knowing is if anyone else is struggling with this right now like me or if anyone has managed to get through this- because it's killing me

Replies

Emo Pictures - pernico
pernico
Posts: 45
Mar 30 2021, 11:44 PM
I don't play but I feel you. Here's a virtual hug and maybe kiss on the cheeks. I love you! Maybe eat some chocolate or have a cocoa drink or something. They bring out your happy hormones XD
742617000027
Posts: 9
Mar 31 2021, 01:38 AM
Thanks man. I'll try it, just don't know how much it'll help. Maybe the problem is that I just haven't found the right thing to play. Hugs!!
wurdalak
Posts: 81
Apr 02 2021, 07:02 AM
I get beat-block and writer's block all the time when I try to produce something new. It happens to everybody and it's something you'll learn to combat the more you progress through your art. Sometimes what I do is listen to all the stuff I've already made or written for inspiration. Other times I just try something completely new to reignite the flame. I'll also listen to stuff I normally wouldn't. If all else fails, walk away from it for a day or 2 and come back to it when you're well energized :) Hope you get through this creative slump. I'm always free to listen or help in any way, cheers!
742617000027
Posts: 9
Apr 02 2021, 10:09 AM
Oh, this is nothing new. I've been making music for over half my life now... it's nothing I'm not used to. Unfortunately when it comes to an instrument it's not very good to step away for even a day- especially when it comes to the violin. It's not just the mentality, it's also about developing and maintaining dexterity and flexibility. Thanks though
DarkDreamz
Posts: 26
Apr 02 2021, 03:35 PM
A touchy subject I don't like talking about much. As the very thought of it can worsen my depression and sometimes even anger me. But come back to things you enjoy doing when the time is right! If the lack of interest in things you enjoy lasts ages start seeking out natural or pharmaceutical ways,of helping it. Natural ways: Regular exercise Being out in sunlight,nature, fresh air. Socialising with positive people Distractions CBD oil (if it's legal where you are?) Music Art/drawing The latter would be antidepressants,anti anxiety meds,CBT,therapy. If the natural means don't work at all/if it's severe and incapacitating.
742617000027
Posts: 9
Apr 04 2021, 06:49 AM
That'd be helpful if I'd not tried almost everything. It does mean a lot to get the suggestion, though. It's been this way for as long as I can remember. The part that really ticks me off and upsets me is the fact that I can't even remember the last time I was okay. Otherwise I'd be able to live with the fact that I'm miserable but existing. I've taken most antianxiety meds and antidepressants. Not much into CBD or weed (I hate how it smells), and it's way too hot for me to be outside without overheating in a few minutes (I live in a desert). Treatment resistant depression is a bitch.
DarkDreamz
Posts: 26
Apr 04 2021, 07:18 PM
CBD oil usually doesn't smell like weed. You can get it in where it tastes of nothing, in capsules etc. You probably not tried all anti anxiety meds and antidepressants though. You tried Pregabalin(Lyrica) before? I much prefer that prescribed for GAD than antidepressants. It has also lifted my mood.
wurdalak
Posts: 81
Apr 05 2021, 06:35 AM
Talking it out is a good natural way to help out. I went to therapy years back and the best thing they told me I could do was to vent to someone. Of course this is different for everybody, but it's helped me get through some rough years when meds did nothing. Just blurt out anything and everything you need to let out and see if it does any good :) A good, trusted person will make things go smoother.
Bones
Posts: 1724
Apr 08 2021, 08:54 PM
I know you have probably heard it a thousand times this year but everyone is struggling with inspiration and drive. A lot has happened and there is a lot of pressure from social media etc to succeed. If your anything like me this might stump you rather than push you forward. I have learnt there is no time frame or list of expectations we must follow in life. We can sometimes set ourselves way to many target/goals- mainly long term goals. I like to break down big targets into month, week and day goals. That way I can feel like I’m achieving but plod along at my own pace. Also you may have a bit more of creative block? Happens to us all.
742617000027
Posts: 9
Apr 10 2021, 07:24 AM
Honestly, it's not even a creative block. It's a "this feels wrong"/"there's no point" kind of thing. I know progress is always slow. Music knocks that concept into you pretty quickly, and I don't expect change over night. I wish I could say it's an unrealistic expectation I've set for myself. It truly is just me having absolutely no interest in anything anymore, including the only thing that I didn't ever really want to be stripped from me. The only thing that feels even mildly exciting is the idea of diving into another instrument, but that's not helpful for anyone considering the amount I'm learning already.
742617000027
Posts: 9
Apr 10 2021, 07:29 AM
It smelled terrible when I had to drag the display inside the pharmacy area for the night when I worked at a retail pharmacy. To be fair we had a lot of the soaps and fragrances with it, but I have no interest. And I have tried Lyrica. I could go on and on about the nonsense it's put me through. It was absolutely terrible for me, and I'm still struggling with some of it five years after I've come off of it.
DarkDreamz
Posts: 26
Apr 10 2021, 11:53 AM
Definitely try CBD oil, some are water based carriers so don't smell of anything. But who cares if it helps. Hugs 🖤
Nyxie
Posts: 6
Apr 10 2021, 02:10 PM
honestly same tho.
Bones
Posts: 1724
Apr 13 2021, 08:42 PM
Maybe is you stop thinking for a bit. Have a mental holiday. No social media no goal setting etc...just go for walks and pamper yourself. X

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