It's always a nightmare,
It's never a dream
A promise we made to kill the days between
They live in the heartbeat and sleep till the light is gone
It's been so long Pins And Needles, by The Birthday Massacre
Kayla
26 / Female / South Carolina, United States
Bisexual / It's Complicated
Member since:
Aug 15, 2014
Last online:
Sep 03, 2014
Current rating: No rating yet/10 (0 votes cast)
You have rated Kayla_The_Koala
About Me
Umm...im not really good at these, so bare with me. I am rather shy in real life, but am able to be very social online. I am weird and, very awkward, you'll see soon enough. I am "scene" I guess and I have been clean for 5 months but edging a breaking point so I kinda decided to see if a chat room will prolong that from happening. By the way I cant upload photos right now, but check me out on instagram. I am lil_koala_ or look up scenerevolution you will find me x3.
Favourite Music
Rock
All kinds of Dubstep
trap
alternative
kpop
Favourite Films / TV / Books
Imma just do subjects of movies and tv. MOVIES & TV: Romance Chick Flicks(rarely) Horror Paranormal Comdies Anime Old Movies(kiddie movies and funny movies)
More than I can count.
Education / Occupation
Freshman
Who I'd Like To Meet
People who are fun to talk to, would consider being a skype friend and maybe kik friend. :3
I am walking down the road and typing this on my phone...well I couldnt do it. I am shocked cuz no matter how hard I tried, I didnt have the guts, maybe next time I will.
I...I just wanna be beautiful, I made a mistake coming here. Everyone is so breath taking and amazingly hot. I know ill never be like them because I am not skinny enough, I am going to tske pills so I can be cuz nothing else works. My boobs arnt big enough...I guess ill just wear tight shirts when im skinny I guess...and my butts too small...wonderful. legs too fat? Yep. They are. I am the ugly duckling that doesnt turn beautiful. I cry every time I think of how fucking ugly I am! Hell I am right now...I just want to be beautiful...I want guys to notice me...I want them to just love me...that's all I want. But it never happens. I have tried everything...not eating, dieting, eating different foods, constant excersice,everything except pills. I tried once and threw up everything I ate, soooo looks like thats what imma try. Well sorry for anyone reading this. This is my therapist. My journal cant judge me right?...right...
Just fucking kill me. Im done. So done. I am just completely alone and am about to loose it. Im probably gonna take my profile down in the next few months and dosomething stupid like always.
Ok, hi again. I am sorry that I jump around on topics, it just depends on how I am feeling. Today...I feel like shit. Utter shit. I feel like absolutely no one cares or worries about me. And sadly, its true. Painstakingly true. It makes me want to curl up in the deepest, darkest hole and lay there for eternity. I smile so people dont see it, I laugh so they dont hear it and I do things to make me forget that I am alone. What scares me most is that I have a spot in the woods by my house, I have the belt imma use, and I have a limb I can reach and use....like I said...attention whore...sorry.
Mehhh...today sucks. I have had to wrap my entire arm up due to a random bug bite. Like i don
't know what it was that bit me but it's swelling...a lot. It hurts and is like really warm to the touch, and itches sooo bad. I hope it goes down soon cuz imma bout to go ape shit on something. The arm that got bit is already sensitive due to nerve damage in it from a dog attack earlier in the year. Like come on...a small break. That's all I ask for here. ;-; Hopefully tomorrow ill be in a better mood. See ya homies (yes had to do it. Too tempting. XD) (\(>.<)/) oh and sorry wanted to mess around with the bold and stuff. uhh baiii.
Hey again, it looks like Im starting to like the journal idea. I am just going to jump into my journal entry. I don't want to cut, already have enough scars. But when I have another person in my mind...its kinda hard. Makes me almost go crazy half the time. I just wanna scream for help but I cant. I'd be called crazy or locked away in a psych ward. Ok, kinda got that out. I guess ill fill ya in. i have another personality in my mind. Her name is Jamie. Shes a bitch. Telling me im a no good piece of shit. How Im ugly, worthless, and then I get yelled at by other people because I am not happy. Sorry. RAMBLING! U
Uh, back to the fill in. She also does other jizz, but I don't want to talk about it. I have have an issue though. Its like my anger I side has spiked because of her ruining a close friendship I hand. I smile if I -mentally- make her hurt. I am snappy and angry constantly. It scares me. A lot. I need to shut my mouth. Ugh. Sorry for being weird. I bet I look like an attention whore. /).(\ Sorry.
I guess this will be my first journal entry. I don't know why I came to this site, I usually stay away from them because I just...I know im not pretty enough and something bad will happen. I hate feeling like I am suddenly breaking the "emo" code. I know it sounds weird but I feel like that, cuz yeah I love the style and I enjoy it. But I like all kinds of music and end up feeling bad for it. Like im breaking a law...weird right? Heh. By the way, anyone who is crazy enough to read these, I have something to say "First, it wont be perfect grammar, second stuff gets dark and shit later on so dont suddenly hate me. Also if I say something that you font like, please don't hate me.
