Sep 17 2015, 08:07 AM

I don't have many friends, never really cared for them. But I have a lot of people asking if they're my best friend and claiming I'm theirs. Truth be told my only friend is my dog. I'm emotionally drained from so many things in my life, I have terrible self esteem, and I'm tired of staying up for several days at a time convincing people not to commit suicide or hurt themselves when they show absolutely no sign of caring for me. I'm anxious all the time from everything around me. Everyone trying to choose what path my life should take for me without taking into account it's my life and how I feel about it. But the constant in my life? I have no support from anyone in my family. At all. They don't have a kind word for me because I'm the black sheep of the family. Literally, the one that dresses in mostly black and doesn't believe in god or go to church. When my family calls to talk to me every few months mostly they tell me what im doing wrong and I'm a failure and blah blah blah. I can not stress this enough they need to leave me alone. I shouldn't have to cry on my birthday. Every year is more miserable than the last and I'm not allowed to say anything to anyone without being told I was brain washed or its teenage emotions. Like no it can't be teenage hormones when I knew in third grade I didn't want to live to see fifty so stop telling me what I feel and think. I wish I could say this stuff out loud but it's my fate not to. Not only that I rarely ask for help from my family but when it involves school or work you'd think your family would lend a hand but no I'm the bad luck charm the mistake the one they want to pretend doesn't exist. They helped my sister buy two cars, paid for her prom stuff, they have only kind words about her or funny stories about her from when she was younger. I really don't exist. One day when I'm rich, I'm going to change my name and get plastic surgery to alter my appearance so they will never recognize me. If I died today they probably would find a hundred excuses not to go to my funeral not that I'd want them there anyway