Nov 21 2013, 08:25 AM

Just venting a bit about my past... Not going to school has it's positives and negatives. Positive that I don't have to get bullied for being ugly, worthless, etc. Also not having to stress over all the work. Doing grade 9 classes while in grade 10 has been quite the challenge while I was actually going to school... they expect you to know everything and be able to do it right away. If I can't do it the first time what makes you think I'm going to do it the second time?.. honestly. It's complicated and I've just given up over the past years. In elementary it was pretty simple and smooth, still bullied but I just shrugged it off cause I was like... 10. Nothing serious. But then going into 7 all hell broke down. Seriously bullied for the stupidest things ever. Being ugly, not able to do the work, being a loner, etc. I've even considered killing myself then because I just couldn't take it. But then sitting down with my parents I spoke to them about the situation. They listened and understood what I was going through, so we went to the principal and they didn't care. Thought it was just simple bullying. Oh well, my parents let me stay home for grade 7 and 8 because it's been just that bad. In grade 9 I didn't register to go to that school, I went to another school and it was like a dream school I suppose... until I started getting bullied AGAIN. Terrified to go to school, I still went cause that year it was important for credits and whatnot. I got bullied severe again and thought of killing myself... wouldn't it be better if I was just dead?.. no, it wouldn't of. I sat down with the principal along with my parents and we discussed it over. They bullies got in trouble and didn't bother me for about 3 weeks, so I was fine and had a smile on my face. Then all of a sudden they started up again, so I just didn't go to school from then on. Didn't go on field trips, outings, didn't even go to class. This was just earlier this year... I turned 15 in June and I was depressed. I wouldn't leave my room, it was everything to me. I had my bed, tv, laptop, iPod, food&water. What else did I really need?.. I was fine just like that, but my parents got worried and tried making me go to school. Being the shy stubborn teen I was, I refused. I even had to stay outside in the freezing cold, snow, and hot summer days with nothing to do but go around town and pretty much explore. The only thing that brought a smile to my face was going to Subway (the food joint) that was basically it. Again in June there was some exams, I only went to... 3. French, failed. Math, ahahahahah I most definitely failed I was never good at it. I didn't understand it, but hey that's another story. Then there was English, 2 parts only went to 1. I got bullied and asked why wasn't I going to school and so on, I just ignored finishing up the exam and getting the hell out. About the math... the teacher ignored me and didn't care. We both knew I was going to fail, so I went to the principal explaining the situation and he talked to the teacher. He helped me out for a few days then ignored me again. He sat with the popular kids and I just gave up. Anywho, my summer wasn't that much different. I stayed up late and woke up late having 11 hours of sleep or so having plenty of enough energy. I've met many people off of omegle and they filled the day and made me happier. I wasn't depressed and I even went to bible camp for 6 days. It was the best 6 days EVER. I'm not much of a hug person since I was pretty shy and jumped every time I got touched... but. I got hugs and opened up to people making friends. In September, I went to school. It was HUGE. I went to all my different classes and walked around. It was hard and complicated, I didn't understand I just couldn't do it. I don't have any disorders, I'm pretty smart but school just wasn't right for me. I started skipping certain classes, but then my favorite class got too hard and I got too pressured to the point where I didn't even bother going to school anymore... Again I got put outside of my house till the end of the day when I was suppose to come home. My sister and I went to the guidance counselor and he understood I guess... I said I wanted to drop out. Wouldn't that be the easiest? Then I would have no more worries, be carefree. He said couldn't drop out till 18 because then you're considered an adult in Canada... but I looked up you can drop out at the age of 16. So, wait till the school year ends then don't register for 11 or 10 cos I failed most definitely. I'm suppose to go to get help at this place closer to my house, but I don't think it's going to help at all. I will try, but I'm not too sure... so even if I have to talk to someone higher up I'm going to drop out. I'm certain of it. Am I stubborn? Oh hell yes. I've thought about my future with not much education, but I'm willing to suffer from the consequences. I have some talents... I'm great at singing, I'm a great artist and have a soft, soothing, powerful voice. so... Thanks for reading or whatever. :) bai. cx