Sep 22 2019, 08:54 AM

Last night, I wanted to get drunk. I don't know why, but I wanted to get drunk enough to vomit, to forget what was going on. This feeling hit me, just like the thought of our relationship being over. I was eating liquorice when it did, just like we did in Greece. I kept a wrapping, by the way. Now, I should get rid if it, but I just can't. It would be like getting rid of our relationship, and I just can't go on pretending nothing happened. Because you were the first one I went out with. Not the first one I loved, but the first one who ever loved me back. I didn't get drunk, before you ask. I couldn't have. At home, we only have beer ando wine. If I got drunk, I wanted it to be with the herd stuff, just like the other times. But there isn't such things at home.

Sep 20 2019, 09:49 PM

So that's it. We're over. I still don't realise what I means. That I will never hug you the way I hugged you, as if you were the last thing that kept me alive, anymore ? I will never kiss you anymore ? I will never see this smile on your lips, the smiled I was the cause of ? Just because you're not in love with me anymore, and our relationship makes no sense if it hurts me more that anything else. At the moment you told me, it didn't hurt that much. But when I had to tell the girls, tears started to fill me up. It felt like my whole body was an eye from which a tear was trying to get out. I spent the next hour crying. Will kept telling me you don't deserve it, I am still convinced that you do. I still love you. I don't care how you feel, it hasn't changed anything about my feelings. But I won't come to you, begging for a second chance. You made your choice. If you think there is nothing else we could have done, you must be right. I try to remember every moment we spent together. It doesn't hurt as much as I expected. For now. I will send in a few days. I still love you. And you know it.

Sep 19 2019, 09:16 PM

Hi. There is something I really to tell you. Each time I stand in front of you, I just can't say it, so I write it down. You can call me a coward, but it's easier. I am not sure of anything anymore about the two of us. Each time you pass me in the corridors, I feel like if I didn't come to you, you would never come to me. When I talk to you, you barely look at me. The last time, you seemed to take much more pleasure in watching Wonderland than me, when I was talking to you. I feel like going back to black, and I hate this feeling. I really need us to talk about it... I don't understand why I'm having such a hard time in telling you this. Telling you that I feel like you're avoiding me, and that it turns me mad, because I love you and I want and need to spend time with you. That's what I struggled to tell you all day, without ever finding enough courage to do it. I have no idea of what scared me so much. But I need to know how you feel towards this. If I'm just imagining all this, or if you are actually avoiding me...

Sep 10 2019, 08:38 PM

The moon is golden tonight. I have nothing more to say about it. There is no much to say about it. But she's there, watching over us, just like a mother would look at her children, hoping everything is alright with them, but still knowing that she's not the center of their life. She wishes she was. But they have their secrets. I have secrets for my parents. I will certainly not tell them that on Saturday night, with the girls, we're going to get drunk. I will not tell them you asked me to come at your's. I will probably tell them that we're going into the city (I won't tell anything about a marching band either ;) I'm not going to lie. I will just not tell them. I haven't told them we got drunk twice, and I certainly won't. Is it lying when you just don't say anything ? I just checked in the dictionary. Lying means telling something that is not true. It says nothing about not telling something. I'm not gonna lie. Not to them, nor to anyone. I don't even know why I'm writing this. Is may be a way to tell you things that I wish I told you in real life, but that just don't fit in any conversation, or that I haven't found the courage to tell you. But there is something that I've told you before, and that I will go on saying. Something that has never and will never be a lie. I love you. And I mean this.

Aug 31 2019, 12:07 AM

Today marked our fifth month together. And you've missed it. Again. I wouldn't count the months if you didn't have. But you did. This time, you had a nice excuse, if your phone is indeed broken. But I could not help but to hope that you would try and find a way of contacting me anyway. That you would ask someone my email address and use your computer to send me a sign that you were still alive. Wonderland asked me if I wanted to hang out with her and some others, but you weren't on the list, what makes me hope that I am not the only one who has no news from you. Although I try to keep myself busy, there are always moments when I miss you so much much I'm on the verge of crying. And I've discovered something that scares me : I've (unconsciously first, even though I'm totally aware of this now) the thought of you with the thought of Linkin Park, especially the song Shadow of the Day. You told me it was your favourite one. But even before that, the thought of the fact that you've first listened to Numb because I told you to made this song special. I hope you will never do the same with me. You don't deserve to suffer that much. I love you. You are such an important part of my world. I miss you so much. I can't wait to see you again on Monday. Oh, I'm thinking. I told you I was planing to see a friend I didn't see in years, but it only had few chances to concrete. Well, I was right. I haven't seen her, and I probably won't before a long time if I ever do. Love <3

Aug 27 2019, 09:00 PM

"I spent so long in the dark I almost forgot how beautiful the moonlight is !" It's Emily, from Tim Burton's Corpse Bride who says so. But tonight, I feel the same. I haven't felt so lonely for a while. I was so hot in bed I opened the window and the shutter to let cooler air in. Now, I'm staring at my empty street. Every neighbor seems to be gone. Even the sky is empty. Unlike Emily, I can't see the Moon, and the only light comes from a street lamp. I can hear car racing on the large street nearby. They are not supposed to drive that fast. I can hear them even when my window is closed. Sometimes, when I'm lying in bed, I imagine the lives of the people who pass next to me, but not enough to say we've met. There is this woman, who is driving her son to the hospital. He feel and his head hit the stairs. He's bleeding. There is so much blood. The has turned red. So has the carpet in the entrance. It will be so difficult to clean. But that's not want she thinks about. Her son may not survive. He is barely conscious. She should drive faster. But if does, she is sure none of them will survive. There is also this chick. She has just discovered her boyfriend was cheating on her. She is driving as fast as she can, try to get away from this pig. She knows she can't run away forever. She has left all her things in their apartment. She will have to come back. But where is she going next ? Her mother's ? She lives 300km from here. Her best friend's ? She won't stay long. She would never install herself. But it's a way to start. There is also this couple. They are coming back from a restaurant. They are happy. They must be the only ones. This was not their first date, and this won't be the last. Each time he looks at her, a silly smile makes its way on his lips. He just can't help that. Every time she sees this smile on his face, she fells a bit more in love with him. She knows she is the cause of this smile, but she still doesn't understand why. But she tries not to let it show. Their are having the best time of their life, and it's not going to end soon. There is this man. He is finally coming back from work. He's exhausted. The only thing that he wants is to crash on the couch after a beer and an episode of his favourite series. His wife is going to shout at him, he promised he would be back earlier, tonight. It's going to wake up the children. They're going to cry. The dog will wake up too, barking. He's not gong to sleep before two hours. What if he went to an hotel ? No. She would freak out when he'll come back. Because he'll come back. He loves them. Sometimes less than others, but he loves them. I'm thinking, so much people are passing, I must be right at least for one of them.

Aug 26 2019, 02:02 AM

I tried something. If someone ever sees this, tell me how it could be improved ! We're the disposable teens, we're all stars in this dope show. When we're dead, they'll know who we are. Cry little sister as I don't baptise whores. In those sweet dreams, love is tainted. Let's be obscene, we want this new shit. While you say God, we say say 10. We are the beautiful people, would you kill for me ?

Aug 26 2019, 12:41 AM

Hi, I hope you're doing well. I do. Except I came back home, today. Only one week before back to school, I'm both sad and excited. I'm sad because it means stop sleeping until 12am, but I'm excited as I always am about back to school. I miss my friends, even if I'm supposed to see Romeo on Tuesday. I called Wonderland, two weeks ago. I know it's been a while, since, but I didn't think about it the last time. When I finished Game of Thrones, I wanted to talk about it with someone, she was the only person I knew who had seen GOT (not exactly, but she is the only one I really talk to -_-) I read on Instagram that many fans were disappointed with the end, but I seriously don't understand why (even if I think some deaths should have been avoided (Missandei, Jorah and Theon :'( )) We talked about seeing everyone this week, but since you seem to have no more phone, if we do see each other, you won't be. I try to keep myself busy so I don't think about how much I miss you, but it's getting harder every night. Last time, I watched an entire concert of My Chemical Romance. That kind of shut still makes me cry. Always. But I have downloaded new music, recently (why are two of them entitled "Scars" ?! (Papa Roach, and I Prevail) Do I feel concerned ? '^^) And, once again, old Panic! is incredible. I can't stay any longer. I love you <3

Aug 22 2019, 09:51 PM

You know what's ironic ? In the last part of last message, I mean. The part when I tell you that I want to feel your presence next to me. I meant every single word out of it. But wouldn't have written it if I wasn't sure you would never read it. This is one of the reasons I hate myself. I can't tell people what I'm dying to tell them when they are in front of me. But when I'm alone, imagine that you, or anyone else, is standing next to me, listening to me, makes things much easier to tell all of you all of that. Love <3

Aug 22 2019, 09:40 PM

Hi you. We haven't talked for 3 weeks... I guess this time your phone's definitely broken -_- But still, I miss you. I haven't done anything special, so far. Wait ! I'm on holiday with my grandparents and my sister. I've discovered a new band one night I couldn't sleep (just like many others ;)) It's Motionless in White. The music is so great ! And the singer looks like Marilyn Manson! (He's still less hot than you, don't be jealous ;)) I've started to make a calendar for this school year. There is a page for each month, with drawings of what this month is related to. For example, there pumpkins and grave in the October one (Halloween !!!), Xmas bulbs on the December one, heart-shaped ballons for February (I didn't expect myself to draw anything related to St Valentine's before you, but even now I've done it, it still seems too girly and sweet for me XD) I've also done some calligraphy things. I write song and movie quotes in a special handwriting with a frame. I've also started translating songs into French. Let's say I'm just training ;) the problem is that it can be done in once. I have to stop and come back days later to see what can be improved. And you know me, I haven't started with a single song (I've started almost ten '-_- ) Well... I don't know what else I can say, except that I missue you very much, and I just can wait to see you again, to touch you again, to kiss you again. To feel your lips on mine, your arms around me, you between mine. I miss you and I love you <3