Jun 03 2018, 08:11 AM

Dear umm journal, cx ~ ~ I've been pretty emo my whole life, I never called myself emo or scene, but I always knew I was a little different. My actual friends know that I'm full of emotions and hard to explain feelings, and that me being this way doesn't mean I'm less than anyone else or a burden to them. I am not like most of my peers though, I am in between normal and insane. When people notice scars on me, they tend to do one of 2 things: Have a sudden change in feeling such as, get startled, creeped out, saddened, triggered, or disgusted.. Or they totally ignore it. ■When they ignore it, I either think they really didn't notice, or they don't want me to cry or something. I'm not gonna cry over old scars or even get angry. If anybody asks, I'll act like I don't know what they're talking about, say it's from a cat, or just say it was because I was stupid. Most people think I'm crazy or begging for attention, but I don't show people. It's not for sympathy or recognition. What I do to my body is just for myself. Sometimes I push back a ton of feelings and I need a release. Sometimes I don't feel real so I need a reminder.. Sometimes i miss feeling pain that is actually physically real rather than just all in my head. ■This might all sound like a pathetic cry for help, a young teen in denial, or a very edgy point of view, but it's actually me. I've had such an unfortunate life, and even though I constantly think about how it could be way worse-so I should love my life- I still feel like this life is not enough and neither am I. ♡Hopefully joining this sight♡ will help me feel better by exposing myself to other people who might be like me.. if it doesn't I guess I'll just go back to hiding in my shell :c I hope life gets way better from here.