Aug 27 2014, 12:56 AM

the way you see me the way I look now is the way you will see me when I decide to show you the real me everytime I go to look in the mirror I see someone that's not me I see someone who has been struck the pain so many times that she doesn't feel anymore I see someone who she smiles of people who doesn't really feel it I see a person who hates to be alive I see a person who hates everything about themselves there's nothing you can do to change me I know you want to I know you want to help you wanna know something I can never change just for you I have to change myself I don't know how to tell you this but I love you and there's no going back to me now does just one way out and its to live my life normal life.... SO I GUESS THIS IS GOODBYE

Aug 27 2014, 12:55 AM

you tell me that u love me but i kinda know you yhat u dont but here i sit waiting by the phone wanting tht phone to ring for me and wanting you to become mine you always told me that you would beb there for me but as of right now your not in my life and i cry for you every night its sad that im that naive enough to belivev that you and i could ever be close again so i guess what im saying is if you love something let it go goodbye my baby I LOVE YOU

Aug 04 2014, 05:16 PM

Was it worth the wait? I want to know was the pain you put me thru to test me well im done being tested by you and all your evil tricks I just want you to stop you dont seem to understand all this pain you and your acts have actually caused me ive tried to talk to people about this but this pain I dont think it ever goes away unless im numb and im no longer able to be numb if im numb people worry then I start to think again and when I think I neveer goes right so I fucking hate thinkin I know I told everyone just look im fine you know what im not okay youve made me hate you and I do hate you and I try to be civil but you know what im not civil with the person who did that to me please just get out of my life I hate you yes hate is a strong word but yopour always posting how youve gotta keep on jjust believing and you know what I used to until everything im done with you so goodbye im not done im remerber you got me hooked on heavy meatal you used to be my inspraition for wanting to learn gutira and now I cant even watch you play ever I tried I cant it hurts me so much just one of those things that bring sos many memories to be honset I hate remebering anything about you just seeing you bugs the crap out of me everyone tells me I need to confront you well this is my way of confronting you youll proabale never understand this is about you but ill try to make it obivous.. I guess I just want you out of my life okay

Jul 26 2014, 02:08 AM

Chapter 1 The truth have you ever wonder what could lurk right around that corner but go around it anyway just for the thrill of it? We to be honest I have I went around the corner just to find out if there was anything there just so I could get that Adrenalin, some would call me an adrenaline druggie. I was willing to do whatever it took to get that high going down a hill on a bike with no helmet, or going up a mountain side just to go down on a dirt bike and feeling the rush of wind going past my ears and into my face some may call me crazy and you know what I might be but that’s okay. Chapter 2 the reason So now down to what I really started to write this for my real reason. I guess when I was in 6th grade I started cutting I didn’t stop until my tenth grade year people would ask me why I would cut and I couldn’t answer and now I have an answer why. I did that back then and it was I want ed to be in control of what Ii was feeling I felt lost inside my own head I could barley think without the thought of death and dying and I was so lonely and so I would try to find someone but who could love the girl with the cuts on her wrist and thighs and ankles. So when it came down to it I figuered I would be alone. Im gonna let you in on a little secret one night I was alone in my house and my mom and dad and family had gone out to diner and I didnt wanna go I wasnt feeling up to it I tried to overdoes it didnt work I didnt take enough I guess. Well the start of my 7th grade year sucked I got picked on everyday almost beaten up everyday and then I got hurt. I hurt my leg really badly and so I couldnt move for awhile but then that 7th grade ended and I went to joe walker. I made good friends and I am still friends with them in 8th I was still cutting and my friend jamie told me I had to stop and I tried so hard I was almost always wearing a jacket and people kinda got worried but I told them I was fine. They belevied me I couldnt believe it and now look and me scared and wouned but still alive so here I am I wanna tell my story. So its starts where I am just sitting my room its dark I couldnt stand to look where I was cutting all I knew was that I could feel the blood running down my arm and that I couldnt stop I was cutting almost every other night noone really paid attenion to me so I just let go in the tub and I would watch the blood run out of the tub after I was done and I thought im in so much control.