Jul 15 2014, 12:04 AM

I am a very different person from your normal guy. For one when I'm happy my hands and body will be really warm and if I'm to happy my hands will sweat and so will I, yes I know it's weird but fuck I'm no way near perfect , I've never had a easy sleep,Just lay thing thinking... You've know idea how fucked in the head I am and how mush I just wish for once that I was happy again like I was as with Jess I can't get Jess back she is with dhs in b dale going to nagle school... People say move on, like its so easy and smooth.... Well it's not for me because I have depression and classed suicide type b I've never had a clear think patten. It's alway twisted! wonder why I flip out and just shut people out and be a dick if you must know I've tried to kill my 38 times. EVERY SINGLE DAY I THINK OFF KILLING MY SELF, thats the reason I look at knifes and shit because I just can't take it and want out and just for it to end And when people say I'm just trying to get people to look at me and talk to me and shit!! I don't I just wish someone cared and was willing to stay and keep me safe!! But I've never had a person to stay ever!!! I was the happiest guy around nothing could pull me down but yet again my happiness gets pulled away from me and I'm a wreck... I cant do anything right now days, just when i was almost happy again shit turns and I'm back to the sleep less nights and crying most of the night.For 9 years of my life I have been in full pain every day and because of that I am now a very sad, angry and upset guy..I have an anger problem that is really bad and hard to control..I try to make my way though everyday and not to kill myself because of things I have done that I am not proud of and from a few people that have made my life a shit lot harder then is already is.....you know what, fuck it. its been my step dad that has made all this fucked up life for me, almost every day he's yelling he's face off at me, or hitting me in someway, my mother does not help or try and stop it because she things i'm the "out of control teen". so she just sits back and watches it happen and or makes it worse by yelling at me for fighting back when i get hurt..from all of that,i know how to box and i bit of judo as well.. I only want someone to try and make my life a bit easier for me and that will make me happier when I am feeling down. I want a person to pick me up from the dark life I have been in for so long and take me out of this place.. i'm looking for someone to comfit me by just talking to me and asking how was my day? my school life has not treaded me to well, my grade 5 to 7 was nothing, i did not get anything done because of some of the kids there bullied the shit out of me and i was a child That the teachers call " needs help 24\7" my teachers never helped me get better or even tried to get my schooling better.Don't even start to try and say ill be okay, I'm not okay I'm fucked up and probably will be for a very long time. JUST WISH I COULD DIE, then the haters would be like oh he was really fucked up and really did need help.