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Emo lyricsYou make me feel like I'm fucking drowning (I need to cut you out, I need to cut you out). You made my world come crashing down around me(I need to cut you out) Emo song lyrics
(Asking Alexandria - The Black)

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Emo Meet - London UK - August 2011

-_-x's Journal

Pages: 1 2 3 Next Last | Total Journal Entries: 56

Jun 09 2017, 06:22 AM

Its good to have an outlet. Where does all of my frustration and depression go when I can't afford to ruin my reputation to brandish it in public? Of course, the internet. But I'm not mean to people, like most trolls will do when their lives are pathetic. Instead, I enjoy my frustrations and channel them into hardcore energy. What I mean about hardcore energy is that I turn this self doubt, depression, and anxiety that I have into productivity.

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Jan 05 2017, 06:06 PM

Again, I am absolutely bothered. Its been a while since I've posted, but I need to vent.
Firstly, if anyone is reading this journal. Just know that I appreciate your existence. Lately, I've been so busy and trying my best to stay sane. Things are tough. My love life is tough, my social life is tough, my job life isn't bad but I don't like it. I'm suppose to enjoy my winter break, but instead I'm sulking and wanting to get away from everyone. Sometimes I just want to be alone.

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Feb 28 2016, 05:40 PM

I'm in an advanced illustration class, and everyones a competition.
Everything I turn in isn't my best, and I know that. Everyone else's work is beautiful except mine. I hate my work. Whenever I do something, I want to rip it to shreds. I feel so behind, and I feel like I'm not going to make it.
Friday, I was a little angry. With the last hour of class I was talking to my peers, asking what ideas they were working on for their next project. A guy showed me his doodle thumbnails of whats gonna happen. And I acknowleged it and showed him what I was working on. When I was talking about how I might go with one of the thumbnails I had, he added, "Well if you're gonna do that one, I would redo that girl because she looks like a teenager."
Are you fucking kidding me? Don't critique my doodles you twat. I am not pointing at your stick figures and saying, "If you're going to do that one, make sure they're more realisting instead of drawing a circle for the head and lines for the limbs." I didn't say anything because I didn't want to feel disorderly in the classroom, but saying that in front of everyone made me feel a little offended. As if I don't know how to fucking draw. My body was heated and I just stopped talking to him. They're thumbnail sketches for a reason. The finalized piece is not going to look like my fast drawn sketches. I swear to god, people act as though they need to critique my work when its not their fucking job.

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Feb 20 2016, 07:23 AM

*Private entry*

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Nov 08 2015, 02:23 AM

*Private entry*

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Mar 30 2014, 03:03 PM

I just wish someone can kill me, put me out of my damn misery because I can't stand this life anymore. My heart has been crushed in different angles, my family and I don't communicate and my friends can't always be here. Sometimes I want to give up, but I care too much about myself, and I would rather die than become a peasant to society. I'm not cute, attractive… My personality sucks, and I can hardly keep friends. Everyone ignores me, as though I'm not worth to talk to. People are mean to me. People love to treat me like shit… I just want to be loved for once. I'm tired of feeling like my life and what I do doesn't matter to anyone. My heart's too pure to have it destroyed by a mean-spirited individual. Every night I cry, because i've lost interest in almost everything, art, music, college. I enjoy sleeping, forgetting and dwelling in a life that I was never have. I will never have a boyfriend, or someone that would at least tell me that I'm worth to talk to. My happiness slowly decays the more I'm treated like shit. I only wish that people could stop. I put a smile on my face and hope someone notices me. Or at least an old friend can tell me that they've missed our high school times together. I just want to disappear and be away from this town, save money, just live on my own. I'll have a dog, and just love it until it dies. I guess I don't need anyone else to share my life with because I try hard to make people like me. I even do favors, smile, listen to their problems, but it seems like everyone want to be selfish. The sad thing is if I was attractive then people would adore me. I would cut off my flesh and rebuild myself to a new me, and move and start life new because I've felt miserable, worried, unwanted, unloved, even by my family. They don't care about my feelings. Nor does anyone else around me. So why should I keep my life when I can't even enjoy myself? Or actually share my interests? Who would stop and talk to me? Why would you if someone's cuter and better than me? You wouldn't even stop by to say hi at all. I'm nothing special.

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Feb 15 2014, 10:30 PM

*Private entry*

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Jul 07 2013, 01:18 PM

Its hard that I still have these feelings for him, and everyone's trying to have him. Even my old best friend. All of my friends are trying to take his heart from me, and I am very scared. I just want him to know that I love him to death and it doesn't matter how long its been. I still think of him, wishing he'd get on. I want to tell him a lot of things that has been on my mind. If it was possible, I wouldn't be in America. If I had it my way, I would be in Sweden, kissing him, holding him tightly and giving all the love I can give him. I hate being replaced, forgotten.

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Jul 06 2013, 04:52 PM

No one recognizes me.
I'm nothing more but a ghost playing out throughout life and dying of a typical old age.
Just a life, nothing special.
My talents, they aren't there. They aren't here, no one appreciates it so why should I believe that I have talents?
I come and go, no one cares. Who cares about my life? Who cares about my talents? I fucking hate that I'm brought up this way.
Everyone cares about looks. Just want to feel normal, just want to feel accepted.

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Jul 01 2013, 02:18 PM

This summer has a lot of free time, a lot of opportunities gone to waste, and a lot of fooling around. A few days ago I decided to drive from Fresno to Merced, to hang out with this guy, and to also get away from my loud, arguing, dysfunctional family. Here, its not so bad. I just wish he was more honest about who he was instead of lying. I showed up in disappointment, and I don't like him as much as I did because he was faking a lot of things about himself. Due to that, we're just friends and he's very much not my type. So I'm here in Merced for a few days until I'm ready to leave. Honestly, I've never been here, but it's not as great as Fresno. It's still 100 degrees, there's a pool so I went swimming. But I kind of miss home. I miss my bed, my ps3, my guitars, my room and privacy. Also, I'm a little hungry. I haven't ate much, and he doesn't have toothpaste. Oral hygiene is a huge deal for me. This is why I can't picture us together. He's much older, he has his own place but I didn't know his lifestyle was a total lie. I don't mind being his friend. He tried pushing me into being his, but to be honest, I told him I'll think about it. We're not a couple, we're just friends. He's already stalking my twitter and my facebook. That's a BAD SIGN.

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Jun 24 2013, 04:49 AM

It's almost five, and I don't think I can fall back asleep. There's too much things going on in my mind: Jobs, a future, friends, family. I wish I had cancer. Then I would know my death is coming, and I have no reason to try for my future. Days have been rough, more tough than usual and I just wish I could talk to someone, I need help, I need someone, anyone. So I can stop being so self destructive.

I wake up in pain, tears in my eyes. Feeling unwanted, despondent and low. I just want to be happy. Since I haven't cut, I had no other way to deal with my sadness. And sometimes I think if I should just end it and feel dead. I feel dead... I'm not even alive. I go out and only see things I wish I had, a boyfriend, my own home, a job or good friends. Everyone's doing good and I'm stuck here, trying and going nowhere. I just need a little help or guidance to get me where I need to be.



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Jun 14 2013, 07:55 PM

There's a big piece of me that's missing. Waking up, nauseated, the attitude of hopelessness and apathy. I'm not sure why I stick around in this world. The last time I felt alive is waking up one morning with my favorite person holding me in his arms. All Summer night of cuddling and snuggling each other was enough to make me feel like a superhero. Like I had a purpose and after that day all I could wonder is being in his arms again. His masculine, sweet smell that's genuine and enough to make me feel a bliss. Then that's when I had to stop my heart from singing, for I knew that would be trouble. I couldn't let my heart break again, the constant agony inside my chest, and the churning in my stomach, the self hatred of being so naive and thick. All I've done was hate myself than hate the last guy who tricked me to getting my heart. I couldn't let this happen to me again. So I took two steps back, not trying, though almost every day I would text him hey but I would usually get no response. Was I even worth it? Should I just full on tell him how I feel and if he feels the same? Should I just fuck off and forget about him?

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Jun 08 2013, 10:51 PM

I have been really upset about my weight. It's annoying because sometimes I can't sleep because I don't feel right. I feel ugly, I feel fat and disgusting. I'm tired of being chubby. :c I hate it. I rather starve than get fatter and fatter. I barely eat anything, and I get fat. It's not fucking fair. FUCK.

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Jun 07 2013, 06:08 AM

Sometimes I think I have turrets. Most of the things I say things that just come to mind and I end up saying things like,

"Fuck my dick," "eat my ******" or fucking shit...
Sometimes I can't control every thought. It's when I think of something embarrassing, then I get these outbursts, crazy outbursts.

I just have all of these things bottled up inside of me, that i can't get them out. I literally want to cry for the mistakes I've made. The memories of people staring at me for staring at me and leaving me to rot in my own embarrassment. No one fucking likes me.

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Jun 06 2013, 10:19 AM

*Private entry*

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Jun 05 2013, 10:16 PM

This morning I worked out until I fatigued. Therefore all day, I have been slothing around and not having much energy. I've tried to have energy, but my body just wasn't letting me. It's over 100 degrees outside, I have nowhere to necessarily go, and I've been making gifs like a mofo.

Later today, I had a lot of tea, because my mom blamed me for drinking all the coffee and when I couldn't find some coffee it pissed me off. She's really pushing my button...

Lonely Summer, no one wants to hang out with me. I will forever be a loser, and people think I'm odd. Whatever. I don't mind being an outcast. I've always been, and if I'm forever alone then so be it.

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May 29 2013, 01:20 PM

This is a disaster, and I pray to get I get this job after this interview tomorrow. I'm tired of job searching, my family putting me down and treating me like a fucking mule. I am so sick and tired of their shit I just want to burn the house down with them in it. I'm very angry, I'm SO angry. I'm VERY VERY infuriated to the point I just don't want to have anything to do with them anymore. Just because I am still here after high school and going to college and trying to find jobs to work doesn't mean I sit on my ass and do nothing. Sometimes I don't have a choice but to sit on my ass. I have no gas in my car, no money to get gas, no good friends to hang out with, because half of them won't bother to waste their gas to pick me up. Everything's shit. THIS WORLD IS SHIT. FUCK MY LIFE.

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Feb 17 2013, 06:06 PM

So far I had a busy year, and I'm looking forward to finding something to encourage me to push forward, no matter what it is. And also, I realized people hate me, and so far there are only three people for sure I know that don't. I've had a wrecked week. My plans changed when I had to owe the school 400 dollars. I cannot afford it, and I'm going to die because I feel so overwhelmed. I need just a day to think and relax. Just a day, because right now I feel like life's moving too fast.

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Jan 28 2013, 08:14 AM

It hurts so muchhhh
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Jan 28 2013, 08:02 AM

*Private entry*

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Pages: 1 2 3 Next Last | Total Journal Entries: 56