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simpledeadx's Journal

Total Journal Entries: 14

Sep 06 2017, 12:47 PM

Hello. I've been out of here for a month. So, yeah. I'm not okay at all and I'll be hospitalized because I'm suicidal. Yay

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Jul 06 2017, 04:39 PM

Hey! I need meds, I need more meds :)

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May 26 2017, 09:17 PM

Hello. I need to talk about this with someone, but the only person I could talk is gone for now, so...
I don't fucking know how to make friends, to be honest. I need them to be alone and receptive, if they're not I can't approach them. It's so fucking frustrating, even if I like them so much. Even that, I try so hard, fighting with myself to talk to them and stuff. Knowing that:
I saw someone that maybe we could've stuff in common while I was walking my dog. We met everyday with more people to walk our dogs, but without talk. Thing that I'd loved to do. I draw a portrait of Tate because I saw them with a shirt of AHS, and I gifted it to them to start a conversation and maybe a friendship. Well, the day after I couldn't talk to them again... So they left. And I cried. So much.
How I really wanted them I wrote my feelings for them to give it today to them. But today they were with two more people and even I talked to them, they weren't watching me at all. They don't want me. I get it. So I left with the card I wrote and saying that they aren't for me.
I've tried. And I've failed. I don't fucking want to have any hope again. But I'm keep thinking of them. But I don't fucking want to.
They're so cool without a boy who doesn't even has the guts to say them to hang out.


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May 06 2017, 02:39 PM

Hi. I had a promise with one person to don't kill ourselves. But they tried to twice, so I've broken it up. How one person can promise something and then not respect it. Don't promise anything if you're not going to go throught it all. Sigh. I've been cutting these days like a pro. This weekend I'm alone at home, so I've brought alcohol to drink it this night to don't feel at all. I haven't seen my two... ¿Friends? In months. If they're okay with that I am too. Right now I'm living for my dog actually. Gerard(MCR) and Rubius(YT) are helping me a lot too. I've tried to make two new friends but they have ignored me. Cool, I guess. I still thinking to kill myself everyday. In two weeks I've therapy in the hospital, I'll tell them what's on my mind. I hope they help me, or something. I don't know. I mean, everybody that knows me knows who I am and what I'm feeling. For a long long time. But they couldn't care less. Well, the person that promised me that and one friend care about me. That's cool. But, you know, they aren't here. I don't know, it's so fucking complicated. I want to cry so bad. They're so many years of feeling this way that you don't know what to do anymore. You only want the pain to stop

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Apr 27 2017, 01:53 AM

All this is fucked up

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Apr 09 2017, 02:05 PM

Hello.
Yesterday I tried to kill myself by overdose, but I finally vomit in the bathroom. Two times I can't die. Now I'm cutting myself so bad. This is the hardest one. And it will be harder the next time. Because I can't take it anymore. I cut my leg, because if I cut my wrist is to die directly.
At least the most of the time I'm alone at home. This week I'm with my dog, Tobi. He really helps me giving cuddles and attention. I love him so much. He's sleeping by my side right now, such a cutie

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Mar 27 2017, 12:59 PM

I'm getting tired of this site

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Mar 01 2017, 10:56 PM

Hey, pals. My life isn't that bad these days, to be honest. I've been talking with someone especial to me and that makes me feel great. Because my emotions are getting back together. Slowly, but if we still talk at least every week, I'll be better. This morning I cook pancakes and tomorrow I want to cook a handmade pizza by me, I hope it tastes acceptable, at least. This page is helping me a bit, by the way. Here there is people who I can talk with and express myself. I don't know what time is getting to cook the pizza, so I'm going to wake up early to do it. I don't like to talk with humans but the good persons I can find they can help me to get myself alive. You know, bad relations may drive you crazy. I love to isolate myself, I'm very used to since I can remember. Oh, and deceptions too. I don't know, like everyone else I suposse

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Feb 27 2017, 02:21 PM

Listen to me, fellas. Socialize is a shit. I hate this. I'm not a social person at all, but when I try and I talk to someone and I feel I like the person, we mean to be together (not in a romantic way or whatever). I'm a very sensitive person, emotional and possessive. But then they leave like nothing happen, or they doubt about me every second. Do I don't do enough? Fuck humans. Maybe I'm not expressive with my feelings or stuff, but damn it, I've them. Fuck my life. They do anything they want to me. I don't trust internet people anymore, not like before. I don't want to feel this bad again. I know I feel it anyways but, I don't fucking know. The truth is that I've known people like this that they disappear or hurt me, I still hope that one person I'll meet someday they will be always there. I fail so much, but when I meet someone like that I feel great. I don't know. This is shit. I'm a very romantic person, anyways... I hate my feelings. They are so strong. Bye, people

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Feb 26 2017, 10:39 PM

Hello. Today I've been with my school friend (I don't go to school, I finished it the last year, with that I mean that I know her for a long time). I've spent the day with her telling her new stuff about me. Stuff like I've drunk alcohol and that I've smoked drugs. I haven't told her that I cut myself, I was going to tell her but we were playing Overwatch and I think it wasn't that important, so. She has problems too, she doesn't deserve feeling bad about me. I want to meet her every week, because we have a good time when we're together. When we were in school after classes we were every day in her home, what a times. We only had each other, so. I've been talking with my crush, I think I'll see him again. I don't know when, but he has told that "maybe", so. I'm okay with that. *Sigh* I don't really like the time zones. I want to talk with one person from here, but we can't. Why life

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Feb 24 2017, 07:09 PM

Hello, fellas. It's not still the end of the day, but I'm a bit bored in class, so. Mh, yesterday I cook some baked potatoes. They were so good, to be honest. My father ate one and he liked it, so. I'm proud of my cooking skills. Tomorrow I'm going to cook pisto. It's a spanish food (a mix of vegetables). I hope it will be good too. I'll eat it anyways, because it's my food. I made it, so I've to eat it. I don't eat anything, and either drink anything else than water, after lunch. Because I don't want to gain weight but loss, so. I've a lot of shit in my mind. That's why I cut myself that much. It's the first time I cut myself like this. Well, life's getting harder throught the years, I suposse. Or just because I like the blood and the scars on my skin. Oh, damn, I want to see me near the death. I don't mind the cars when I'm on the street, I just walk without look... Oh, this is so sad

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Feb 23 2017, 12:05 AM

Well, today has been like a normal day, I don't know. I woke up, taked a walk with my dog, then I ate some food, I was on the internet, I went to class in the afternoon, I returned home in the evening, I cut myself while I was watching TV and on the internet, and then I'm here now typing these words. Oh, I've talked with my old sister too. Just another normal day

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Feb 20 2017, 08:54 PM

This day hasn't been too bad. I've seen my dad in the morning, made the lunch (so yummy) and been with my dog. In the afternoon I've to go three hours to class. It's so boring, to be honest. And, I've talked with my friend, we're okay so there is no need to be worried about our friendship. OMFG, my crush JUST followed me on IG. OMG, what a surprise. Yeah. Life goals. Seriously, wow. This is so cool

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Feb 19 2017, 09:23 PM

Today just sucked. Yeah, I've spent a night and the next day with my friend but, I've realised that maybe I don't want to be his friend anymore. Because, he has new friends and he hasn't wanted a ring that I gifted him. He has told me one thing that I've done to ask myself if our friendship will be for ever. And maybe not. He doesn't know stuff about me. That's the reason. And that I prefer him with his new friends than with me, honestly. That's sad but the true. I don't know, maybe our friendship is stronger than my self-esteem. Who knows

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Total Journal Entries: 14