24 / Female / sanrafael, california, United States
Straight / Single
Feb 23, 2016
Jan 11, 2021
Current rating: 10.0/10 (1 votes cast)
You have rated queenofdarksouls
i am shy at first, but friendly and goofy when you get to know me. i am 5 ft 4(i know,i'm so short>.<),brown eyes and hair,skinny, I am very sensitive to what people say and how they say things, i have a gift with the super natural meaning i can get warnings of bad things that have yet to happen through dreams the spirits give me. i love to sing and draw as well as write poems and stories,i like to cook too. feel free to message me if you have any more questions and my internet. I like to cuddle and lay around, i am very affectionate and kind of random,i'm also very loyal and I get very protective of my friends/family/lover. don't get me angry otherwise you'll regret it, i have trust issues.i have a you tube channel and a google+ page,so if you would like to be a follower/subscriber of mine,that would be great, just click on my links(for google+,just go to the home square,click on it,then go to the my profile,click on it and it will bring you to my profile page). also I love snakes!but I hate fakes and players meaning people who just play with my feelings, as well as bullies. used to be in taekwondo, was one belt away from black belt, so if you get me mad, you better watch out. I'm quiet and I'm semi-antisocial, I don't like being around a lot of people,if I am,i'll just be somewhere quiet, most of the poetry I write is dark,i love emo,screamo music but I cannot stand country for the life of me,rap is ok,but if it's not gut wrenching, soul searing and emotionally touching, then I won't listen to it. nobody really sees me at home because I'm in my room, listening to music and writing stories, and when you do,it's rare because I hardly ever come out of my room. I don't tell people anything about what's bothering me if some thing is bothering me because 1) I don't want their pity, 2) what I tell them,i can see that I'm hurting them unintentionally and I feel guilty for hurting them when I don't mean to. don't be shy to talk to me,i don't bite...most of the time XD but seriously, i'm a good person once you get to know me that you'll want by your side as a friend or whatever you need me to be, whether it's a shoulder to cry on, a helping hand, a listener, an advice person,or just someone to talk to.
here are my favorite bands/artists:avril lavigne, thousand foot krutch,simple plan, breaking Benjamin, red, my darkest days, avenged sevenfold, black veil brides(they saved my life and stopped me from self harm), falling in reverse, sleeping with sirens, three days grace, get scared,scary kids scaring kids, tokio hotel(old),my chemical romance, evanescence, smile empty soul, dead by april,ashes remain,secondhand serenade,p.o.d.
Favourite Films / TV / Books
van helsing, the last samurai, tom and jerry, courage the cowardly dog, too cute, my babysitter's a vampire movie+series, harry potter movies(Daniel Radcliffe/harry potter and I have the same birthday day and month but different years-wicked!), teen titans go!, suicide room, teen titans series, man vs.wild, say yes to the dress,my cat from hell,tattoo girls.
bitter end, harry potter series, rose under fire, invisibility, shadow mancer, the fault in our stars, birdwing, warrior cat series, manga books, drama and romance books, mystery books
Education / Occupation
i do youtube videos
Who I'd Like To Meet
that someone special who will accept me flaws and all my imperfections and support me with my choices as well as being there when I need them the most and treat me right. anyone, people who are like me, friendly people. feel free to message me if you want.
right now,i feel like I'm just not meant to be loved or have a bf because it always ends up badly...with me getting hurt....just don't have the will to do anything anymore.... just let me end my suffering....please....
i've tried so hard to resist the temptation of cutting,i want the pain to go away,but cutting is the only way i know how.i've tried being strong,but i can't do it anymore. i don't want to keep being strong.i just want to break down,but i can't.... i can't do it anymore....i'm tired of being strong all the time....
love is stupid. why? because it only gets you hurt. i just found out that my friend/crush had a daughter that i didn't know about with someone else,i shouldn't have opened up to him again. i hate having feelings and getting hurt.face it,nobody is ever going to love me. all the guys are going to have kids with someone else and then try to make me fall for them without me knowing they had a kid already. i hate love,it hurts so fucking bad.
I really feel like shit,i don't want to keep fighting,i'm done fighting.nobody wants me here anyway. they'd rather see me dead. don't feel like i'm worth living or rather worth anything at all. really want to end it all,but I know that I can't.
thinking about getting lip piercings,the kind would be lip rings.but i don't know if my parents will let me do that,and if it will look good on me or not. my friends say it would suit me but i don't know.
I don't know how much longer I can go on dealing with all this agony inside of me, my parents and sibling don't know that I began to self harm again. I'm just tired of not being noticed and treated like I'm not worth anything. i'm trying to fight, but is it worth fighting for life when nobody wants me here? they don't care about what happens to me. sure they say that they care about me when they could really care less. I already have my suicide letter written, all I need now is to get hydrocodone pills to overdose on. nobody would notice if I was gone, people want me gone and dead so why not grant them their wish? I wish someone truly truly cared about me. but there is no one. song listening to while writing this: dear diary by mikelWJ.
here's another poem I wrote the other day. i haven't titled it anything yet, but here it is: looking at myself in the mirror and all I can see is the flaws and the ugliness. I ask myself "why was I born this way?" all I know is that nobody would want to date someone as ugly and imperfect as me. every time I look in the mirror, i cringe at what I see, so I grab a blanket to cover it but when I look again, the mirror cracks and I throw the blanket on. everywhere I go, i see all these naturally beautiful women that are perfect and as I pass by, in my mind, I'm wishing that I was like them, and I'm reminded that no boy would ever look my way or fall in love with me. my heart is screaming out in agony as it rips apart into million tiny bleeding pieces that stain the ground crimson. my tears run down my cheeks like a waterfall that's never ending.
this is one of the many poems I have written, it was written on 11/14/15 after an ex friend of mine and I got into a fight, sorry that it's so long.i might put others up if people like it. here is "tears of suicide": I lay on my bed, with a knife hand, the metal gleaming in the light. tears stream down my cheeks as I close my eyes and slit my throat before my hand falls to my side as red seeps out and stains everything near me. you wanted me dead so, i granted you your wish. you got what you wanted as I lay in my own blood, you'll never have to see me again. shrill screams pierce the air as it turns to sobbing. there, peacefully lying in an 18 gauge steel black knight casket with a gray velvet interior is a teenage girl of 18 years old with wavy brown hair, seemingly sleeping. a crowd of people in black surrounds her still form as their tears fall silently onto the casket as they close the top, hiding her from the world and lower her 6 feet into the ground and fill in the grave before placing a carved tiger with polished stripes climbing a black heart headstone with writing on it. everyone leaves except for the family of the dead girl, still crying and not moving as they stare at the headstone with her information on it before leaving with red, puffy eyes filled with grief and tear stained cheeks. they come home and go to her room where she took her life and see her phone with a message from one of her friends the says "I fucking hope u die u crazy ass bitch" with her last reply that says "maybe I will and it'll be all your fault!". they burst into tears again as they read the messages of anger. wails of grief pierce the night of this tragedy. up above, the girl watches her family with teary eyes as she listens to their wails of pain as she utters two words "I'm sorry". while the family sleeps, she visits them and says goodbye to them for the last time before returning to heaven with one last glance at her family and joining her deceased relatives. be careful with what you wish for on people, because you might just get your wish granted, whether you meant it or not.