from the best film ever... evolution
Ira Kane: Ira Kane, head of the science department, Glen Canyon Community College.
Harry Block: Harry Block, United States Geological Survey.
Wayne Grey: Wayne Grey. I took some chemistry in high school.
[an alien bug is crawling inside Block's leg]
Dr. Allison Reed: What are you gonna do?
Dr. Paulson: We might have to amputate.
Harry Block: Whoa, Doc! Don't take the leg! Ira, don't let them take my leg.
Ira Kane: Isn't there anything else you can do? He thinks he's an athlete.
Nurse Tate: Doctor, look!
Dr. Paulson: It's headed for his testicles.
Harry Block: Take it! Take it! Take the leg!
Wayne Grey: [as they arm themselves in the sporting goods store] You ever use one of these things before?
Harry Block: Just 'cause I'm a schoolteacher, that don't make me a pussy.
Ira Kane: Ladies, ladies, there's a terrifying alien bird menacing the mall. Can we focus?
Wayne Grey: [trying to get the alien's attention with an open mike] Ka Ka! Tukki Tukki!
Harry Block: Wayne, I think we've established that "Ka Ka" and "Tukki Tukki" don't work.
Wayne Grey: Right. Sorry.
[He starts singing into the mike]
Wayne Grey: You are so beautiful, to me...
Ira Kane: Step back, Harry, I'm gonna shoot him.
Harry Block: Uh-uh, stand down! I'm taking this one out myself.
Wayne Grey: Can't you see...
Harry Block: Wayne, would you please stop, because you are embarrasing me.
[Wayne starts singing louder and directly to Harry]
Nadine: I really need these credits to get into nursing school.
Harry Block: Nursing school? Don't you think you'd be happier in a different profession, one where people's lives were NOT dependent on you?
[Harry has just had an alien removed rectally]
Dr. Allison Reed: It's over, it's over. You did great! Do you need anything? Can we get you anything?
Harry Block: Ice cream... I'd like an ice cream please.
Dr. Allison Reed: Okay, what flavor?
Harry Block: It doesn't matter. It's for my ass.
Ira Kane: Snag it!
Harry Block: Snag it?
Ira Kane: Yeah. Come on, snag it and put it in the bucket.
Harry Block: I've seen this movie, the black dude dies first. YOU snag it!
Harry Block: Keep your chin up. You know she wanted to give you some, don't you?
Ira Kane: Were you even in that courtroom?
Harry Block: Getting barbecued like baby back ribs? It's all foreplay, baby.
[they return to their lab, to find the door broken in, and all their work stolen]
Ira Kane: Oh, we've been hit!
Harry Block: Forget the foreplay. We just got screwed!
[Kane and Block disguise themselves as a colonel and a private to sneak into the military base]
Harry Block: I still don't understand why you get to be colonel and I'm just a private.
Ira Kane: I WAS a colonel.
Harry Block: Yeah, and you obviously served your country with distinction.
Ira Kane: You should be thankful, the penalty for impersonating an officer is five years in prison.
Harry Block: Maybe for you, white boy. Me, they hang.
