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I tried to kill my pain, But only brought more Tourniquet, by Evanescence

Emo Forums » Help And Advice (Reply)

Emo Pictures - xXxChrisJWxXx
xXxChrisJWxXx
Posts: 1545
Going back Mar 04 2009, 08:52 AM
I'm not usualy this open in public, but to be honest I'm kind of scared.
Just before Summer 2008 I was admitted to hospital.

How I ended up there:
My family was going through a realy rough patch with my parents fighting and I was being bullied bad in school, it resulted in me crying alot and when I started having feelings for this girl who rejected me and told all my secrets I started self harming (cutting, birning) and not eating.

I had a fight with my dad and cut realy bad and had PE the next day so I got scared and told a teacher who told social services, who sent me to my GP, who sent me to a psycologist, who sent me to a hospital and I was not allowed to attend school.. Whilest at hospital I got involved with this girl who got me smoking and drinking. I took an overdose when I heared my friend had and she fgot back out, I wanted to end my life again, I vomited it back but still colapsed (no-one knows but me, my friend in hospital who did it and helped me, and the people reading this). When they sent me back to school I got scared and took an overdose, I text my friend who had done it before and was in the hospital I was in and she told a nurse, I ended up in hospital. I stoped smoking and drinking now.

Now:
I got a better relationship with my family now despite other things that happened which I don't know if I am prepared to tell. My dad was reciently diagnosed with cancer and I'm scared for him, my mother is ill with part of her spine being missing and a nerve trapped between the disks (not sure how the bone disintegrated). I started self harming again reciently and I was going to take an overdose but got confused and frightened, the pills are under my bed.....

Please help me choose what to do next and give me advice....Please.....With a cherry on top?
(I tried drawing on my arms, the alastic band flicking, and writing things down, it makes me worse)
Am I hopeless?

Replies

Emo Pictures - JustMe
JustMe
Posts: 177
Mar 05 2009, 11:58 AM

Did you feel a psychologist helped before? If they did maybe see them again?


Talking to a doctor about your parents might make things easier. Or a teacher/ school nurse if you have one? I know how adicting self harming is, i got out of it by stabbing my wall. A bit crazy but it worked, talking to my friend about everything helped aswell. I saw how much it hurt my friends and family when they find out, they trust me as much now. Thats another reason to stop.


Throw the pills away, or hide them.  Its not the best way to get over things. I'm sure how you said your parents were and this moment it would make things harder for them. Try talking to them, but like i said earlier, maybe a doctor or teacher.

Also, taking a break and staying at a friends or relatives house for a day or two once in a while might help? Or joining some sort of club to keep you occupied?

Like i said to someone the other day, get a piece of paper and break things down. Take everything a step at a time, things will get better and i'm pretty sure most people on here will be ok to talk to if you need. Atleast, i am =)


I hope things get better for you soon. x

Emo Pictures - xXxChrisJWxXx
xXxChrisJWxXx
Posts: 1545
Mar 05 2009, 12:37 PM
Thanks "JustMe" I only really saw my psychiatrist a few times and she just seemed to make things worse. I don't get on with my doctor or school nurse. I tried a teacher and that landed me in hospital with them trying to help, I started to cut my foot and thats how they thought I was better, they stopped seeing my cuts, fresh ones. When this all started my friends kinda stopped talking to me, I'm kinda distant now from people I used to be close to, as for staying at a family members were kinda not talking after my anti told everyone I ended up in hospital and everyone else is dead or we haven't bothered with in years ]= The more I organize my thoughts I see what I have become, I know people who think I'm really sweet and stuff but I can't take a compliment, tbh I'm really a loner, I had like one girlfriend and she cheated on me so I don't trust a lot of people now ]= I hurt my feelings and start to break down when I see I've been really stupid and you know when people say "oh thats not an excuse to cut, you're pathetic" well I say that to myself and can't handle it. Thank you for the advice hun, appreciate it tones more than you know. Oh and stabbing a wall is better than hurting yourself xxxx
Emo Pictures - JustMe
JustMe
Posts: 177
Mar 05 2009, 01:20 PM

Bleh, call me laura ;]


And yes, it is a lot better than hurting yourself, unless of course you over stab and the wall fal;s down on you, that would rather hurt.
Have you thought about maybe call lines then? Samartians or childline?

And maybe loosing yourself in music or a good film when you feel tempted.

Try and look at the good things in your life. I know its hard but its the best you can do to get through things like this =/


And no prob, i give advice to everyone =) xoxox

Emo Pictures - xXeMoRaCeRXx
xXeMoRaCeRXx
Posts: 18362
User Online
Mar 05 2009, 05:30 PM
A lot of great advice is given out on these forums.

A few people I have spoken to have said actually going to a  psychiatrist hasn't helped. Why is this? Maybe you don't connect with them that well? 
Emo Pictures - xXxChrisJWxXx
xXxChrisJWxXx
Posts: 1545
Mar 06 2009, 04:11 AM
They seem impersonal and theirs nothing in common, they seem to be patronizing and they see you in places which you feel so uncomfortable really, you don't see them on a regular basis and I didn't really get on with mine like a few of my friends don't like theirs.
Emo Pictures - JustMe
JustMe
Posts: 177
Mar 06 2009, 10:25 AM

XD Yet am planning on coming a psychiatrist lol I'll become a cool connecty fun one =)

I know alot of my mates don't get on with theirs either though

xox

Emo Pictures - xXxChrisJWxXx
xXxChrisJWxXx
Posts: 1545
Mar 06 2009, 10:33 AM
"

XD Yet am planning on coming a psychiatrist lol I'll become a cool connecty fun one =)


I know alot of my mates don't get on with theirs either though


xox"


aww good luck with that hun. I'll look you up when I need one lol. I tried that writeing it all down and filled my file =[ oh well got things a lil straighter in my mind xx

Emo Pictures - JustMe
JustMe
Posts: 177
Mar 07 2009, 05:34 AM

I'll give you discount =)

 

And its good that you've got a few things straighter in your mind =)

 

xoxox

Emo Pictures - xXxChrisJWxXx
xXxChrisJWxXx
Posts: 1545
Mar 07 2009, 07:58 AM
aww thanks hun x

Just need things to get better now n for my dads treatment to start...

thnx for the help xx
Emo Pictures - xXeMoRaCeRXx
xXeMoRaCeRXx
Posts: 18362
User Online
Mar 07 2009, 10:17 AM
Laura I hope you do follow your dreams then and be the best out there :]

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