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Oh where can I go to and what can I do? Nothing can please me only thoughts are of you You just laughed when I begged you to stay I've not stopped crying since you went away Solitude, by Black Sabbath

Emo Forums » Emo Poetry (Reply)

Emo Pictures - HalfAnEmo
HalfAnEmo
Posts: 2
A nightmare Nov 29 2009, 04:46 AM
You're a mare A really bad nightmare I don't want you here anymore I want you to walk out the store I can't just let you go But here my mind says no Listen to my heart And we'll make it from the start Now this story's 4-ever ended And tomorrow the world will be blended

Replies

Emo Pictures - Thomis
Thomis
Posts: 453
Dec 01 2009, 04:26 AM
ok so i'm nowhere near a poet. but i would like to offer crit as a laymen. to me it sounds like you wrote some of the lines, just for the sake of the rhymes. correct me if i'm wrong
Emo Pictures - kath_mcr
kath_mcr
Posts: 47
Dec 21 2009, 02:24 PM
True.

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