Emo Scene Community

This catacylsm of an entry concerns a group of people in this world who’ve been experiencing painful tragedies (yes, a series of them), one after the other. No, I’m not referring to the war-torn Iraqians, or the bushfire victims of victoria, or the tsunami’ed people of some country. I’m referring to the people whose lives have been so catastrophic that no other Earthly organisms ever since the Big Bang occured 10 to 20 billion years ago have suffered as much as they have. “Emo” people. The All Important Quotations There are classical emo lines, and then there are many variations of them. “Oh, my life is soooo tragic! Woe befall the world because of it!” “Oh, I’ve been in pain all my life. Oh, paaaaaaaaaaainnnnnnnnnnn~” “Oh, I have such an overwhelming feeling to lick the sperm-collection vessels of my pretentious idols! Yes, Dashboard-emo Confessional, a band whose intellectual lyrics appeals to impressionable prepubescent teenagers such as I!” “My parents don’t care for me, and they never give me everything I want; I expect 400 bucks a week for my allowance, which is not enough! And they don’t ever listen to me or say anything to me, so I’m going to rebel!” “Oh, nothing is perfect around here except me, but you all force me to change into the less perfect being that I am and have always been but would like to deny of!” “Oh, I’m a collection of spare parts, and you’ll never make up your mind as to what I am because I am sooooo jumbled!” “Oh, I’m so enigmatic and mysterious and contemplative and intellectual and mature that I confuse me!” So, yeah. Pick your poison. Loving Them Emo People I would like to thank a certain multinational media conglomerate by the name of MTV. You have been instrumental in the creation of the emo formula, and in its subsequent marketing and deployment. Thank you for creating a generation of musical philistines who value style over substance. Thank you for nailing ‘international’ standards of fashion into the heads of impressionable teenagers. Standards that become adored and emulated ideals. (Whilst you People Up There hide away in your majestic penthouses, count money and swim in it, and do the exact opposite — i.e. dress yourselves in Italian-made designer executive suits and apparels.) Diving Deep Into Their Souls Here’s an example of classical emo poetry. It’s emotional depth is unlike anything from this world. “I am I; but we, our hearts have sunk into the depravities of darkness, akin to an anchor of a vessel which falls into the depths of the sea, bleak, deep and forbidden, as it is we who are unknown and unadmired for our classical intellectual selves, blah blah blah” Emo people are not facile, not colossally concerned with self-aesthetics and not pretentious. They may be seen attempting to appear intellectual, mature, more adult than real adults, which is funny, because it’s not like we think of you people otherwise. Emo Appearances Emos are the most obvious creatures to spot out in a normal crowd, because they are always the most inconspicuously dressed. Here’s a primer on how to look like one. 1. Emo hairstyles. Emo hairstyles aren’t necessarily black in colour; blondes and brunettes are accepted deviations, but the norm, or much rather, “ideal”, would be black. Such hairs are usually slickly swept back, to the left/right, or parted in the middle. Spikes are occasionally accentuated at certain angles of the hair. This is supposedly to indicate rebelliousness, and ward off evil spirits. The ideal emo hairstyle is oily. But not normal oily. More like the kind where an emo had just dunked his or her head in the lowest levels of a petroleum refinery beforehand. Complete with bitumen off the forehead. The oiliness is essential. It allows emos to carve their hairstyles. Allowing one section of the hair to grow longer than the other so that it covers one eye is cool too. Who cares that the Cyclops fad died out 2 or 3 millennias ago? (Or whatever century it was when Homer’s Odyssey took place.) Because being monocular is 21st century. 2. Emo looks. Emos are trendy. They are trendy because they are (or they want to be) ‘unique’. For example: “Oh, look at this unused Pentium 66MHz machine which I’ve salvaged from the dumps! I’ll remove its hard-drive and attach it to my bag. It’ll look oh-so-cute and mechanical on me. Since no one else does this, I’ll be uniquely emooooo!” Emos like to wear eyeshadows and eyeliners, and super-tight clothes to accentuate their frail figures. The frail look is mandatory for emo people. Extra meat on the body is a sin. You’ve never seen chunky emo girls with submarine asses, have you? No, because only the anorexic look is emo. The appeal of the frail appearance is that you’ve got to put in an effort to acquire it. It’s like body-building. Here’s a trade secret of theirs that I’m going to share with you: Don’t eat more than a spoonful of milk everyday. Best of all about many of these emo people is their preference for branded clothes. Nike, B.U.M, that sort of stuff. In defense, they will exclaim, “Look, I wear clothes from bla-bla-bla (insert designer’s name), it’s trendy and reflects the inner me! This shirt is mass-produced and probably I’m not the only one in this world with its design, but since I’m oblivious to such things and I want to be seen as cool, I will continue to wear this shirt! I am a very unique person.” Preferences Of Emos You can find a lot of emos on the Internet. As a quick example, check out MySpace. It’s the equivalent of a mating season for snakes, for emos. Complete with emos writhing and slithering their way in and out different profiles whilst leaving remnants of their bodily pieces or thoughts where they previously were. Emos have a preference for taking photos using weird camera angles. I assume that the purpose of using such unorthodox camera angles is to show how “deranged” and “confused” their lives are. Emos also like to use euphemisms in captions that are difficult to understand. For example, drawings of bloody eyeballs or a knife put to the wrist will be accompanied by emotive captions such as “If this is what it takes to make you listen.” Oh, I am listening. And not to forget, idol worship. You know. By including Blink-emo 182, Yellow-emo Taxi or Simple-emo Plan in their profiles. All of whom are excellent role models to look up to. What Emos Are Emo people possess deficient chromosomes. In short, they’re mutants. Recent developments have also shown that there exists a social hierarchy within their subculture; genera (’genera’ is the plural form of genus) of the mutant emo family. And the members are: 1. The nerdy emo. Visible trait: The guys who wear big-ass spectacles constructed with thick-ass rims. And bangles. 2. The psycho emo. Visible trait: The ones who scream over every single details that bothers them. Quick to cry. 3. The immature emo. Visible trait: Cringes at everything. Begs for money from parents to get whatever he or she wants. Types at online forums like this: “You.are.all.so.real. Iamnotemo.” 4. Politically-correct emos. Visible trait: Begs to differ over every single fact whether it’s right or wrong, so long as it is contrasts with his or her own opinion. “I beg your pardon, emo people are a valid group of blah-blah-blah.” If I had money I would handsomely pay for a taxidermist to slaughter a couple of emos, for the sake of categorizing emos and grouping them by nomenclature, but I don’t. Thus we’re all left unenlightened. So you tell me about the existing variations of emo subculture. Oh, I’m Misunderstood! When I ask emo people why they are so, the answer will be something along the lines of, “Oh, society doesn’t accept me. I’m an outcast! Oh, nobody understands me! This is why I dress like this. So that I will be noticed. Oh, my life is flooded with absinthe!” I feel sorry that no one understands the plight of emos. It would help if emos were less-ambiguous creatures though. Because emos feel that their lives are so tragic, maybe they should go to Africa, or some other 3rd world country where diseases proliferate. Where droughts ravage the land and people live in famine. Where clean water, or even dirty water infested with cholera, is often unavailable. Where a million other problems, besides political corruption and social inequality, plague society. Emos can compare themselves fairly then. To see who’s worse off by miles. But I’m guessing that emos and their jewel-crusted, spoon-fed mouths are not fit for such places. Well, I hope I haven’t plucked on any emo’s sensitive suicidal strings, if any such character happens to stumble upon this entry.