Emo Scene Community

ok so this is the stupidest thing i've ever did, i drank a 1L thing of vodka -which almost made me puke- then i cut my self... i have cut for a year now but when i was drinking (not drunk just drinking) i cut myself alot worse than i usually do... and more than i usually do means i have an extra like 100 cuts on my arm n i usually only cut like 3 extra every few days or when i'm pissed or very upset.... n i wanna cut more cos when i've had some alcohol cutting seems fun... i know it's stupid but lately i feel like shit cos i really really really miss some one... n as much as the say they miss me i don't think they miss me the same or nearly as much... the only way i've learned to deal with my depression is by cutting/self harming... i not only cut but i burn myself, n eraser burn, n pierce my skin with safty pins, n loads of other shit... i know its really stupid to self harm n there's loads of other ways if i just asked but i dislike asking cos i'm scred people will think i do cos i want attention if i ask for help, even tho i don't do it for attention cos if i did i would have shown every one by now n i haven't shown any one... i've told a like 2 people only cos i thought they'd help but they did shit all. i just don't know what to do any more, n i'm finally asking for some serious help cos cutting is the only thing keeping me alive n i don't wanna live like this anymore. so please if u have any advise that doesn't involve a theropist or anti-depression pills i'd love for u to tell me... cos if i don't get help soon i won't be alive much longer... :/