Emo Scene Community

What was I suppose to do? I had no other option! It seemed like the easy thing to do! Yeah all right so im a “freak” a “weirdo” but to me its all normal. Its who I am. When I do it im not thinking straight, but after I have to hide it and I feel ashamed of it. Just think if you were in my position then would you do the same.? But then saying that you may be able to stop yourself as for me its a habit or a....a....a addiction if you will. Its hard to stop once you've started. Its like a train your trying to find an emergency stop button before you crash but most of the time you can never find it. For some people its hard to get help because once you try you feel people will bully you and make fun of you, or for some people you just feel you have to do it on your own. But what’s worse is the way people judge you for the way you look (your appearance if you will) by your favourite type of music or by the genre of books your interested in. all these things make a impact on your decision to do it in the first place. Different people do it for different reasons. But what really gets to me is those sick people that do it for attention. But any way some people do it because they cant handle the stress or they have secrets dumped on them that really throws them of balance if you no what I mean. But then there are just people out there that do it because they enjoy the pain and the blood, there is nothing wrong with that what so ever. How many times must I do it before I learn to stop cutting myself. But the idea of drawing blood (or the red stuff as I like to call it) seems like such a good idea. It seems I can relax after doing it. If I've not done it makes me feel as if I have to do it or it plays on my mind until I've done it. Doesn't help when you've got a voice in the back of your head telling you to do it. Jinks I call him. And for a while we would sit and argue about weather I should do it or not. Half the time I lose and im sat there in a poodle of my own blood while he is sat there in my head admiring the good days work he has done. Other times I win and lock him in a box where I cant here him screaming and shouting. Until the next time that is. As I progressed through theses changes I realised I was talking to myself every so often telling myself every so often that it would be fine or to cut deeper and deeper and deeper until the red stuff was creating a puddle on the floor. Sometimes I would be able to put it out of my mind and resist it. But it never happened that often. It would always end up worse that imagined. “Do it” Jinks shouted from the top of his nose cringing voice. “No I promised Claire I wouldn't do anything stupid while she wasn't around to stop me” I retaliated in what I tried to make sound like a confident voice but ended up sounding as if I was in pain. “yes but its not stupid is it Echo” “I don’t no what to think my mind is a mess just leave me alone Jinks” “oh dear Echo what’s that I here lets listen shall we” Jinks signalled up in the air to where those voices were coming from. “do it..do it..do it..do it..do it..do it..do it..do it” the voices said overlapping each other in a fast and heavy tone. “LEAVE ME ALONE” I shouted in a angry but painful and needy tone. The voices were swirling round and round in my head. What was I suppose to do it was the only way to stop them. I was laying there in my bed in a pool of my very own red stuff I was slowly drifting to sleep slowly ever so slowly my vision was getting blurry the room was getting small and dark.. Every item in my room was slowly disappearing into darkness. I was disappearing into darkness. Into a place where all my worries just disappeared into nothing. I was going to a place where I could and be free. any relate to this?