Emo Scene Community

This may turn out to be quite the read but as long as one person reads it I'm ok. I've used this site for many years through like 5 accounts, I really like the people on this site and hope that you can help me. This is how I generally feel. I'm not a unhappy person, i'm content with my life and usually always smiling. Heh, yeah right. I'm content with my life, but I don't have the ability to always be smiling. I don't have a personality. If you were to talk to me face to face, to my base personality, it would consist of me blankly staring at you and talking in a monotone voice. I'm a very good actor though, I don't have any feelings, I act them all up. For example, if a situation arose which required me to be happy to meet norms of society, Then I would be super happy and talk lots because it's all so fun! :D. But that's a lie. The only feeling I seem to have is anxiety, and it really does a number on me. I have anxiety issues to the point that I only go to school for 2 hours a day tops. If I stay any longer I start panicking and feeling extremely scared. That's just how I am I guess but it's scary. I avoid making friends because I don't want to get involved in any drama. I don't want to feel bad. Does that make me weird? I can't go to school, I can't feel anything, everything I do is pretend. Does this even count as living? Don't get me wrong. I'm not sad, or unhappy. I'm just curious. I have no intention of killing myself or anything, not even close. I'd just like to know what others think of me. Thanks for reading.