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I think I need help I’m drowning in myself Help, by Papa Roach

Emo Forums » Help And Advice (Reply)

BorderlineGuy
Posts: 3
Dysfunctional Family (Guilt, Fear, Pain, Repeating Behavior Patterns) Feb 04 2019, 09:49 PM
I am a guy. I am 16 years old. My family is very dysfunctional. Father is a narcissistic alcoholic and my mother is a codependent. I am in the middle of battlefield my whole life. My father "loved" me only when he needed something. I hid many of my secrets from other people,because I'm afraid they will not understand. I live in my world. I don't know how I feel sometimes and I get very angry at myself when I am thinking about it. I also have big problems with depression,anxiety and dissociation. I was never good with other people and I isolated myself from everyone. My life is an "Exit Plan". But I still hope to find someone who will understand me. I still have feelings, that something bad is happening or someone is going to hurt me. I have panic attacks and terrible fear of abandonment. This is one of the reasons why I isolated myself from everyone. I want to be close with someone, but I'm afraid I will be too close. I know it has a lot to do with my childhood and my family. I can't get rid of those behavior patterns. If you have the same problems (experiences) in your family and with yourself, just ask me and i will try to help. We can exchange experiences and help each other. Sorry for my English.

Replies

Emo Pictures - BitterSweetSerenade
BitterSweetSerenade
Posts: 13
Feb 05 2019, 03:48 PM
Hey, I'm sorry you are going through so much right now. Are you getting a psychiatric/therapy/medication help? I have anxiety and depression, and therapy really helps.
BorderlineGuy
Posts: 3
Feb 05 2019, 04:56 PM
Hey,thanks for reply. I started going to a psychologist and to a counselor 4 months ago. They said, however, that if it doesn't get better I would have to visit a psychiatrist for other therapies and medication. Tomorrow I have another counseling. The problem is, I don't know who I am. I can't make decisions without reassuring from other people. So, usually, all my answers on all my questions are "I don't know".
Emo Pictures - BitterSweetSerenade
BitterSweetSerenade
Posts: 13
Feb 06 2019, 03:21 AM
That's hard. Identity is not always something solid and is often changing. I know it's hard to figure out, especially when you're young. As far as decision making, it depends on what you are trying to decide on. What are you trying to decide?
BorderlineGuy
Posts: 3
Feb 06 2019, 04:40 PM
I think you're right. Identity is not solid. The problem is that the dysfunctional family prevents you from your "healthy" identity. When my father was drunk, he was telling me how he hates me and at the next day he was apologizing and telling that he loves me. I could not understand why he was switching between love and hate. So I loved him and when he got drunk I hated him. I think that's the reason why I have problems with my own identity. Every time I'm making decision, there are only Black (hate) and White (love) options. But I will try to do the best. I am doing therapies on this issue. Thanks for your concern. I really appreciate it.

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