Emo Scene Community

[Addiction] Everything passes. And it looks better in retrospect. Some days at 4am in the morning you lie in bed crying, wondering where it all started and where it all will end. The first time you met, you were shy. You were scared, because you knew no one. “I'm an outsider,” you told yourself, tentatively scripting each word and smile. Fake. Plastic. The friendships were only skin deep, no? Second time, you laughed a little, still cautious not to let your ugly side slip through. Third time, you tried to find the sentences, only to be inundated with senseless words at the back of your mind. Fourth time, fifth. Rinse and repeat. When did the person grow on you like a plague? You don't even realize it, until the end draws near. “How many more times can we have fun like this..?” Sometimes you let yourself be lured into the trap, thinking that it will always be like this forever. Except, time marches on relentlessly. Take things for granted and you shall repent when you're left counting on your fingers. The last time you meet, all is good when you get to exchange gifts and goodbye kisses. Other times you don't get the luxury of bracing yourself for the fall. 'See you soon’ never really happens and you don't even realize until too late. Farewell parties and reunions. The world is so big in that one plane ride can mean no more weekly dinners together, yet so small that one plane ride means that everyone is laughing together over a Christmas party once more. Lost in your own thoughts you lie. Staring at the ceiling. ‘Man, the world has been nice to me.’ ‘The world let me meet you.’ 'You are one of a kind.’ ‘Made my days more meaningful. The stupid things we did today will be the memories of tomorrow.’ ‘And yet… i feel so empty.’ Empty because of your inability to fully immerse yourself in the present, and empty because you fear the end. A vicious cycle. They say that parting is a sweet sorrow, but to me, meeting is a drug. You don't know when, you don't know how, but you get addicted to the high. At the bottom of your supply you get withdrawals. You look for alternatives. Replacements that will only be replacements at first, until you get addicted all over again.

[Deja Vu] I thought all was good when you forgave me and promised forever. It was a fickle lie. Or maybe, people just change. Goodbye.

[Human] I want to watch you and share your happiness. But in the end, it’s just bitterness because I cannot learn to be human.

Sinful I didn’t ask to be born. I didn’t ask to be raised with the elite, always a step behind the others, a bit lower on the totem pole, but trying to be one of them all the same. I didn’t ask for you to spend so much money on me, creating debt in my name. I’m sorry; you spent all your life paving mine - Picture perfect, but I’m a disgrace. I’m not smart like them, I’m just a normal person, though not quite human in my awkwardness and incomprehension. I’m just an ugly alien. Show me the Ivies. Show me the rich and the achieving and the venerable. A bright, fantastical future that holds promise, but not realism. “We don’t mind doing anything for you.” All smiles. “Taking bank loans and cutting back on daily costs.” “Just for you. Every cent for you. For your future, so you can live well.” Dream on. “We’ll find a way to get you into med school. And, once you graduate, you’ll certainly find a job that pays well, so we won’t be worried about you.” “You’ll have respect. You can be anything.” I’m not cut out for success. The teachers know that. “Even they say you can’t apply, we’ll think of something.” “Even if there seems to be no chance, we’ll find a way.” I’m sorry. You don’t have to. I don’t know if I want to anymore. I’m a disgrace. An unappreciative burden. Some days I imagine, what would have happened if I were one of the others? Not the elite, but the ones who nobody expects anything from. A disgrace who can just live as one.

[Farewell] Everything ends. Even the nice things. And when they do, that is when it hurts the most. Maybe that’s why, there is always a lingering fear for reaching out to grasp the object. Knowing that there will be a time when it fades, leaving a faint trace of its image, and another time, further in the distance When I can’t recall your voice at all.

[Fish] You are a fish. You swim in a tank. Is this freedom? They feed you food. Is this security? The children play with you, dragging along their little fingers. Is this happiness? You see the world outside. Do you comprehend it?

[Vengeance] The world made me suffer. The world needs to feel my pain. I will make the world suffer. It’s nice to know that you’re not alone in hell, is it not?

[Monster] I want to observe you from a distance; close enough to see but too far away to feel. I want to feel your pain Your tears Your laughter Your idiocy; which makes you seem slightly human. Maybe it’s because I’m a Monster myself. Are you happy without me?

[Regret Message] Remember when we used to play? The snow would fall in December. The sheets of white would contrast with the velvet night sky. The flowers would blossom in March, and we would frolic beneath the falling petals In July, everyone would dress up, to celebrate the seventh of the seventh, and we would celebrate your birthday. We’d write our childish wishes on colored slips of paper and pray that they come true. Nevermind. When it snows now, the world is just in shades of grey. We can’t play together now, can we? Without you, everything is but a repetitive cycle. If I was granted just one wish, it would be to bring you back to life.

[Messiah] Cold white walls engulf you. Have you finally realized? That no matter how loudly you scream, no one will come to save you…? Your throat aches. Your voice has cracked. No one can hear you. No one even turns your way, unless you hurt them. Tear at what they love the most. Break it. Shatter it! Finally, rejoice under the touch you’ve been yearning for. Even if it’s a relentless punch.

[Antagonist] They say that our life is a story: Every word we speak, every action we perform; creates a new sentence. Each day is a new page, and each turn a new chapter. They way that we are the protagonists of our stories, but for me... I am the antagonist.

[Teacher] You’ve taught me many things. When I was alone and friendless you talked with me. When I didn’t understand the world you explained it to me. But one of the most important lessons, is how to live without you.

[In another life, when we both are cats] In a perfect world, there is a beginning, a hero, a finale and clean-cut ends. Only... Reality is chaotic as we know it. There is contradiction, hypocrisy, and an unending web of lies. New troubles unfold as old ones end. But maybe in another life, when we both are cats…

I think I'm going through that "addiction" part of my life. How to break the cycle remains the question.