I'm staring at a broken door
There's nothing left here anymore
My room is cold
It's making me insane
I've been waiting here so long
Another the moment seems to've come,
I see the dark clouds coming up again.
Running through the monsoon
Be Monsoon, by Tokio Hotel
Jojo CupcakeKillerr XD
28 / Female / Austin, United States
Bisexual / In a Relationship
Member since:
Dec 19, 2010
Last online:
Dec 03, 2014
Current rating: 4.0/10 (2 votes cast)
You have rated JojoCupcakeKillerrxD
About Me
The BIGGEST thing I would like for you to know about me, myself, and I is that I am a singer/songwriter in a band called Casting Caroline down here in the big state of Texas, USA :) We have videos on Youtube under the name kingmuttband (had a recent name change) :) We are also on SoundCloud and ReverbNation under our new name, Casting Caroline, and you can listen to and/or download some of our songs for free on either website !
Favourite Music
3Oh!3, The Academy Is..., Adele, Against Me!, All-American Rejects, All Time Low, Amanda Palmer, Audioslave, Autumn Blue, Avenged Sevenfold, Bad Religion, Beck, Benjamin Gibbard, Black Crowes, Blind Melon, Blink 182, Breaking Benjamin, Brody Dalle, The Burden Brothers, The Butthole Surfers, Cake, Cage the Elephant, Chevelle, Citizen Cope, Colorfinger, ColorFire, The Cranberries, A Day to Remember, The Dresden Dolls, The Dropkick Murphys, Escape the Fate, Everclear, Everlast, The Exploited, Fleetwood Mac, Flogging Molly, Florence + the Machine, Forever the Sickest Kids, The Fray, Fuel, Godsmack, The Goo Goo Dolls, Green Day, Jimi Hendrix, Johnny Cash, K's Choice, The Killers, Kings of Leon, The Kominas, Linkin Park, Luke Wade, Mayday Parade, Modest Mouse, Mother Love Bone, Murder by Death, Never Shout Never, Nine Inch Nails, Nirvana, No Such Thing, The Offspring, Operation Ivy, Panic at the Disco, Pearl Jam, Pierce the Veil, The Pixies, The Presidents of the United States of America, Puscifer, Rancid, The Real McKenzies, The Red Hot Chili Peppers, Regina Spektor, The Reverend Horton Heat, Scary Kids Scaring Kids, Screaming Trees, Slipknot, Smashing Pumpkins, Social Distortion, Soundgarden, Staind, Streetlight Manifesto, Sublime, Suicidal Tendencies, Sum 41, Switchfoot, System of a Down, Temple of the Dog, Tim Armstrong, The Toadies, Underoath, Weezer
Favourite Films / TV / Books
MOVIES: Fight Club Snatch 28 Days Later Shawn of the Dead The Illusionist Requiem For A Dream Trainspotting SLC (Salt Lake City) Punk Alice in Wonderland Nightmare Before Christmas La Vie En Rose Kurt Cobain About a Son
Green Angel The Heroin Diaries: A Year in the Life of a Shattered Rock Star (The soundtrack by Sixx: A.M. is excellent, as well) Things Left Unsaid by Stephanie Hemphill (a novel written in poems) The Shiver Series by Maggie Stiefvater Thirteen Reasons Why by Jay Asher
My ex attempted suicide four nights ago. Tried to OD on something; not sure what. It didn't work, thank God.
I've never cried so hard.
Songs of the day:
Because of the Shame - Against Me!
Not An Addict - K's Choice
Adam's Song - Blink 182
Spring break started today.
Didn't sleep too good last night. I guess I was sleeping restlessly because of my dream. All I remember is in the beginning I was being laughed at by the preps at school, then I was hiding in a bathroom somewhere crying; then I was hanging out with some friends, one of which was the guy I've liked for some time now. We were in a room with a bunch of computers for some reason (idk why, just don't ask) and I got up to leave the table we were sitting at and he followed me. He tugged at my sleeve and sat at a computer, and so I sat next to him. He brought something up on the computer, some typed document, which I read. It was an explanation of how he was really annoyed with his gf, he was sorry for all that had happened, and he wanted to date me. So I started crying in relief and throw my arms around his neck and just cried because I was so happy. Then in the dream I thought, "What if it was all just a dream?" (ironic, huh) and wouldn't rest until I proved to myself it was true. In the dream, I figured out it wasn't a dream.
Then I woke up -.-
Songs of the day:
Heart-shaped Box - Nirvana
No Rain - Blind Melon
Just Breathe - Pearl Jam
Update on my medical issues!
Most of the tests for my lungs came back today, and with excellence! So far, so good. Waiting on a few more tests, but the worst possibilities have been canceled out! :)
Pretty frustrated in the world of relationships right now. All the guys here are shitty or in a relationship -.- and half the ones in a relationship are also shitty anyway so its whatev :/ Not really interested in online dating anymore; its too fake and kinda lame, what's a relationship if you can't even touch the person and only know what they look like by a picture? You can't even tell what kind of mannerisms they have or what they're voice really sounds like :/ I had my fun with that, I'm done.
Supper's ready! Gotta go :)
Soo... This is my first entry?
Don't really know where to start.
I haven't exactly been on here much lately, and I apologize for that, but truth is, I haven't had time for much. I've been to two hospitals in the last two weeks getting all sorts of tests done :( started out for my back, next thing I knew it was for my lungs. Scary shizzle, but I think everything's going to be okay. The whole reason I went to the doctor was because of this mysterious pain in my ribs and back that kept showing up and getting worse and worse. Seems like if I'm not sitting in a good chair then I'm always in a little pain now.
Really tired all the time it seems. I've been trying hard to fight away my depression and I kind of feel stupid 'cause I know running away and pushing depressing thoughts to the back of my mind now will only build up and cause everything to get worse later. But when I'm scared I'll crack if I don't run from it, then how else am I supposed to go about this?
And I should probably update my pictures. Going through a bit of a style change, just because I was sick of feeling... idk. Half of my clothes gave me bad self esteem and I've been in need of a lift. Don't get me wrong; I still wear skinny jeans, eyeliner, and combat boots, but I've been going for a cleaner look. People say I look more "classy." Heck, I even bought a dress yesterday. It was the first time I'd ever gone out and bought a dress just for the hell of it. There was no special occasion: I just did it.
I feel like I'm babbling, but that's what this is for right? So I can babble? Lovin' this journal thing.
I'm kind of wondering if anyone will actually read this. I'd kinda like to know, I think.
To end my first entry I want to add what a good friend told me today:
"I picked a flower from our pear tree today, just 'cause. Then I looked closer at it and realized that I did it because it reminds me of you. It's small but healthy looking and pretty. It's leaves are white as a ghost and unbelievably soft. It's definitely not perfect, but it's prettier than the rest."
Made me cry.
Maybe I'm just a sap?
