Oct 31 2025, 01:27 AM

I have a stalker now. It was an ex girlfriend of mine that I dated almost a year ago from now all the way back in November of 2024. She has threatened to kill me and confront me. Her deal is the fact I called her out in front of her friends for her evil ways in discord messages. She has completely privated everything on her facebook and instagram. For almost 2 weeks now she has used two burner discord accounts to fuck with me it's wild. I think I need to private some entries on here just for my safety because she is legit losing her mind on me because of some yes questionable trolling but again shes a terrible person and hates humanity.















It just goes on and on. And she has threatened suicide constantly and kept trying to say it was my fault. In case you were wondering what she looks like.



And she has made fun of my brothers death repeatedly since he passed away from H. 

I will update my entries on her but this is wild. I never experienced this before. Can anyone relate? If so please share your experiences because this is crazy. Also I dated her after we had a conversation as to why its wrong to be a Nazi. She said I made good points and that she has thought about becoming a Catholic. I was in the process of getting her out of that disgusting mindset but she ghosted me and decided to hang out with people that do drugs after I shared my story about my brother. This is how disgusting she is. Someone gave me her whole dox and I was the bigger person not to drop addresses or private information but she still even after I told her about someone wanting me to dox her, continued to be a piece of shit.  

Oct 14 2025, 03:16 AM

I just wrote a big entry just for an ad to somehow pop up full screen when I went to hit post and my paragraphs just gone once I click the backward tab button. Fuck me. 

Oct 12 2025, 03:47 AM

It has been 4 days ever since the last one. I'm okay just dealing with a lot. I'm tired at the time of composing this. I will just mainly talk about Cuddling in this one since I wish I could be held. On a night such as this one it's cold and windy and I imagine being under a nice thick blanket with my soulmate or soulmates since I'm convinced there is more than one. Being cuddled by girls would be a dream come true. It would be better than sex. The feeling of closeness, warmness and innocent cute tugs at each other's hearts. Would it have to be with certain girls like the crazy ones? Most likely but if it was an emo girl or a unique girl that isn't crazy then I would still want to cuddle with her. I hate being in my bed all alone. I want to be held and have the feeling of safety as well as security. Even if it's in pitch darkness. well as again I'm falling as sleep. I will try to keep up with these, I have just been very busy and will probably continue to be. 

Oct 07 2025, 03:41 AM

Today was fine. Tonight is perfection. I'm not the suitable person for this site. But for the ability to express myself away from the music is refreshing. But for now I'm tired. Just wanted to write these words so I can maintain the routine. 

Oct 06 2025, 02:39 AM

It's so hard just to even type this out. I really don't have it in me tonight. My mother and her ways. If you read my last entry she said I had a secret life. I brought that up to her today and she denied even saying it. People really find ways to ruin other people's joy. I have to get up early tomorrow to drive nearly two hours because someone's family member won't help them. Tomorrow was my day off and I planned on pressure washing. You know. Get shit done. My mother will never let go of this delusion that my dad is having an affair. This is my life now, hopefully just for now. She is even convinced this girl is pregnant by my dad this is how fucking delusional she is. She wanted to go out for dinner. I declined. She can't respect me so why should I go to dinner with her. I brought her something to eat today since she guilt tripped me yesterday, she at first didn't want to eat the food but now that I declined to go have dinner with her, she decided to eat it. I hate having to be in this house but where else is there for me to go? Everything was fine 3 months ago. I dealt with enough and now I have to deal with much more. I hate to be negative about this site because it has brought me optimism but the internet is so fucked that human connection is nearly gone. It's really not the sites fault things are the way they are. It's how society has become. Overworked, if not overworked, overly lazy. Porn addicted, obese, tired, depressed, anxious, family problems, relationship problems, political violence, tech fucking up, shit becoming so synthetic. I mean it just goes and goes. Everywhere you go work it's so fucking negative. Like today I just witnesses my co-worker get what they deserved because the other day they were being disrespectful toward me. Today, their wallet fell out of their pocket and some crackhead took the cash out of it. So after he left, me and another co-worker clowned on him because again, he's disrespectful. But on this day where I'm supposed to relax, my night has to be somewhat short because I have to wake up early because of other people. Still no accountability from the ex girlfriend of mine by the way. She privated her feed after she posted that shit about me. I guess she knew she only embarrassed herself so she just made it to where only a handful of people can see it. I'm just going to leave it at that because I need to talk to my future girlfriend.

Hey you. It's 10 - 5 - 25. I'm so destroyed. Your hugs, your warmth, I need it so bad. I know you are out there. I know you are trying to find me. I will be here.

Oct 04 2025, 10:35 PM

Until my parents divorce. From now until then will be her dwellings of negativity that I have to experience. Again, she does nothing. As soon as she gets up, she's smoking & listening to music. No movement and if anything to do the very littlest of things. She doom scrolls Tiktok & Facebook when she is home. Day Offs & when she comes home from work. Thursday Night, Me & My Father prepped some food. Him, he made her a salad and with me I left her two slices of pizza in the refrigerator so that way whenever she isn't sitting on her fat ass she will walk over into the kitchen to have something to eat before bed. None of which was touched mind you. Friday passes. Same shit with her. Today after I did somethings around the house, me and my father go out for lunch. We come back. She says "you couldn't bring me anything?", "I never did that to you". Attempting to derail my mood by making me feel bad. While I was washing the dishes she never does I said " I will pray for you". Ending that little snark remark shit she was saying. You don't eat the food we make so why do you now expect us to bring you home stuff to eat? Make it make sense. I have to go out sometimes after work to grab like $10.00 of stuff so I have something to eat for the night. When she did the food order, she spent $229 NOT $300 like she claimed for shit she could have bought way cheaper at another store. With the stuff she bought and where I go to get my groceries she can shave off a good $50 no problem. But because she wants to be stingy with giving me me and my father money she orders the shit through one of these bullshit food delivery services where they charge you out the ass for transportation. People, I'm not fucking lazy. That is one thing I'm not. If I need to eat and I have the money, I'm going to the damn store to get the damn food so I can come home and cook it. In her mind after an argument she things wasting money and lying about how much she spent in the first place is going to make us come to an understanding. It's bad enough that she quit cooking all together. But now it has to be a pissing match just to get food into the house? My mother is such a fucking Narcissist dude it's fucking wild to me. I've gotten used to her shit but every week it's a new fucking menu of bullshit. When I was always on vacation. I was so at peace with myself man and I come home to just fucking hell. The first night. "Oh you're back already"? Like why? Fuck you. These people lack any awareness of any fucking wrong doing. No accountability is taken at all. Every fucking time something happens it's always somebody else. If I'm recalling correctly, these people are the least to go see therapists because any criticism even from a professional who is paid to help them is an insult and they get all pissed off in their head because the person is probably going to tell them to work with others in order to achieve a certain goal or flow of thriving with family as well as friends. To them they automatically register it as them being told to do harder shit when it's really fucking not that. All is what's being said is FUCKING HELP OUT & FUCKING STOP BLAMING EVERY FUCKING ONE EVERY FUCKING TIME!!! That's what the fuck help is and you need fucking help because you can't help your goddamn self because you're so fucking egotistical. And sadly our society is just full of these people and it's real shame that my mother has just decided to get to this level. You know, you try to seek peace and you have a mother that tries to absolutely fucking derail any of it. This is why a weight is off of my shoulders when I'm away from her. You feel freerer than free and you couldn't ask for me. No fucking rude comments, no laziness and blaming. None of this childish bullshit that is coming from a 50 something year old women. This is why she has friends at all besides one but that's it. She pushed away so many friends. Yes some of them were trash but some of them were kind and nice. Like the women I mentioned yesterday. She even gave me some money toward my car. Man I pray that my life just gets progressively better. I get my soulmate, a small house that's enough and the ability to be the fuck away from my mother because this shit needs to stop. My dead brother 100% knows what I'm going through because I do feel his presence when I get so sad. Like the night we fought about her not getting us food, I felt like he was listening to me and he tried to interfere. Everything is that drivers license. "Oh I can't wait to drive, soon, soon" Like yeah, so you can just fuck off and be an asshole to other people probably. Why, just why when you feel like life is finally getting easy you just get slammed with more bullshit? Like fucking why dude. I've been through so much and the beginning of the year it wasn't all that bad but now the rest of 2025 is going to be a fucking mother that is angry in her head and just finds bullshit ways to take it out my and my dad. I'm telling you, if I ever get a girlfriend and she treats me so right. Fuck my mother dude, fuck her. I already have certain beliefs about females and try my best to hold them down but now with the way my mother is, fuck I just want to say some shit but I know this website has rules so I won't break them. But I will probably get around to more shit that my ex gfs did without getting in trouble. But fuck I just want this to stop so bad. Make it all go away. I want to have peace and not just for moments but for days. 

Oct 04 2025, 04:54 AM

My mother guilt trips me about not wanting to do anything with her. She is so full of herself. I'm so tired because today was rough. The other reason. She does nothing around the house. Maybe one batch of dishes and one batch of clothes. She doesn't walk the dog. No vacuuming. All she does is sit on her fat ass, doom scroll tiktok and smoke cigarettes. This is what she has become. Ever since she caused a scene at my dad's job and then caused a scene at the house causing the cops to separate my parents. All she does is do what I just mentioned. When she turned around to look at me before she mentioned going to the movies, you just see emptiness in her eyes. She so wired up on nicotine and doom scrolling, it's as if when she sees me the buzz goes away and she wants to become negative. Why? Because my father treats me better? It really bothered her that me and my dad watch shit together? Every time we watch something, she always has something stupid to say about the movie or just gets up, walks away and lays her fat ass down in their bedroom doom scrolling, smoking cigarettes. That's why when I go in a room to calm down, to relax or go to a quiet place like an isolated mountain, I leave the baggage behind. Just let everything go, just let go until I have to go back to grab the bags. Because when I do, nothing bothers me, even when I grab the bags I feel nothing. My mother is just a shell of herself for most of the time now. It's a real shame. My father has done beyond my own work ethic to ensure we comfortable living, my mother just gave up on him and me. Stopped cooking, stopped doing most of anything all together. It's as if she's a war general. Her one goal is her license and that's it. She claims, when she gets her license to drive that "we" meaning me and my mother will grow together but how are we going to grow together when you treated me and my father this poorly? She lies, manipulates and lies about what she's doing with money. Just like the 700. Now she's lying or blowing 150 dollars just for delivery of food causing the total of groceries to cost 300. None of us are trying to keep her from doing anything but she just pushes people away. Just like a good friend of hers. Yes, she wasn't perfect this friend of hers. But she had a heart of gold. Deals with a terrible husband that gets drunk, leaves the house, never eat out together. Her son is trash, doesn't do anything around the house. Her daughter is trash getting with strange men after she already had 2 daughters. Her whole family is trash but she still remains of great character. Being a school teacher and working in poor health. Wanna know what she did for my mom to push her away? When my mother told her she was working, all the women asked was how she was going to be able to get there. My mother took great offense to this and took as her dissing the fact she can't legally drive. After almost a whole year of my mom not talking to this women, she just does this. This women would try her hardest to have get together with my mom because of her husband not allowing her to be with her friends. And for my mother to fucking do this because she answered a simple question? Like, this is how much of a fucking ego my mother has. She automatically assumes it's an insult. All she asked was a fucking question. Narcissism is so fucking toxic. It's also so obnoxious and repulsive when the Narcissism is vulnerable because when you expose the obvious red flags, they fucking explode and have a huge meltdown. Because it's exactly what my mother does. She fucking explodes. I know for a fact that if she went to go see a professional they would at least diagnose her with some problem if it's not Narcissism. But from how she has acted ever since I began to remember, she's prideful, self-centered, egotistical, when logic is thrown her way she is very dismissive which leads to blaming and discounting. She can't remember what she did in the past and if she does remember, she down plays it as it being something else when it's not. And when she feels good, she starts pipe dreaming and say shit like "we" are going to grow together but the minute that high wears off she's back to her ways of treating others poorly. She also uses people. For instance one of my dad's coworkers told her where the girl she screamed at was and once she received an answer, she started talking shit about the women that told her. When you try to be nice sometimes, she disrespects you and puts you down as if you are being deceptive because you're doing something nice. When you don't do anything nice, you are not being considerate of her but when you do something nice, okay you get my point. If dishes are left in the sink even though I fucking do the dishes now, one time the sink is full she starts getting angry and talks shit about me and my father. This is what I we have to deal with. Divorce has never felt so nice. Because my dad never treats me the way she does. It'll be hard for me to want to be with her. She pushed my brother that's now dead away. She pushed the other one away. She's pushing me away. I really don't want her around my kids if I ever do have any. And I know with the type of soul mate I want, my girl friend will not like my mom 100%. 

To the person I removed, it's because I just now saw your age. Sorry but I can't accept FR's from minors. The last time I was in a discord server, I was called a pedophile even though I showed screenshots of the dms between me and this random 17 year old that kept talking about having sex with me. 




Showed everyone this in the discord server but she was not banned. So I left. She even went out of her way to call me a pedophile even though I told her to fuck off. So that's why I have *18+* in my profile. 

Oct 03 2025, 10:34 PM

This one is mostly improvised since I feel there is such a weight on my soul at this given time. Wish away and the genie will command it. My house on my grass, small but just enough. A place of silence and peace. May there be friendly ghost only that walk into the door without noise. Can they sing me songs through the wind? This time is one where suffrage prolongs. Showers come, but not in greetings. No amount of gold can buy away this testament of my soul. When shelter is forfeited and the air becomes unbearable, there is not haven. There is no calm. The next page is chaotic and troublesome. Your test come in many new forms & you are left with exhaustion. It is time for you to meet deadlines. Pay dues, then fall asleep to escape this reality until you are forced to execute the same procedure. As Marvin Gaye once said "this isn't living". But the clouds will depart and one will rise above. Sunsets become more touching and oceans bring upon a more intimate rhythm of it's tides. The moon smiles and the celestial invisible, hug the flesh of the mortal. Lost to time I disagree, present it's the gifts and pleasure to this temple where the quarts must be retouched. 

And when the day I assume throne of this fine establishment where I wish to nurture with infinite resources. My senate will be of mortals whom understand the culture, ethics, and nature of this community. May the stones not be washed for the intent to get rid of but rather may the current stones be washed with the soap of purity and refinement. I assume King. A close friend assume Queen. May another fine friend assume Minister, and may the senate be held for elections. Our time will come. I will push onward in the time of the 2020s, for this new may be not of change but for the pioneering of the engines. With power and communion we will be of the thousands. I rest my case for now, but I will pray the grant to where I can retire the current ruler of this site and be the successor where I will show him that his invention will be reborn so that it grows and prosper. May the Gods save us all... 

Oct 03 2025, 03:02 AM

I just finished writing an ex girlfriend of mine a spicy message. I found out she deleted all of her messages in discord from a year ago and now she's talking shit about me somewhere on the internet. Doesn't make me feel better about myself though. I have said some mean things in the past while in relationships but I have cried like a baby when I did because I felt so fucking terrible. One time me and one my ex-girlfriends were in a heated argument and I called her a whore and later that night I was crying when she started talking in voice chat. She couldn't even make a sentence and I just started breaking down. I cried so much for this girl and a few others. She ghosted me though and then when we finally talked she said I scared her away. But I know that's not the reason, it was because it just wasn't working out. Then was cheated on two times from two different girls. One was showing her tits to some random guy behind my back like fucking why? The other got back with her ex-boyfriend behind my back. And now through the grapevine of someone they showed me a huge post that was referencing me without explicitly saying who I was. Her claims of me not understanding what is what like to have a drunk parent in their life fucking mind blows me. The claims of emotional abuse and not giving her enough attention is the old fucking playbook they all pull when they want to be Narcissists about break ups but the one where she claims I don't know what it's like to have to deal with a drunk parent through childhood made me see red. I showed her videos of me and my mother almost getting physical. I showed her the wall my dad had to repair because one of my brothers pushed her into it because she pushed him to snap. I showed her so much shit about what I had to go through when I was a child and she has the fucking nerve to discount my understanding on this bullshit post about me. What a fucking bum dude. And she still gets drunk when we made a deal where if I continue to work on my weight, she will work on her drinking. Dudes, I'm trying to stay calm while typing this out but I just want to explode but I need somewhere to vent or I'll lose my mind so I'm trying my absolute hardest. Anyways, on a Friday after I just got done doing a 6 hour hike, I come home to her telling me she got wasted at a work party. Okay, first, we made a deal to work on ourselves, she fucked that up. Second, she has admitted to me that she would wake up with some random guy in the past in bed after she broke up with her last boyfriend who she claims hit her but I don't know. I really had a hard time believing that because she was awfully emotionally abusive toward me the whole year we dated. And she told me her boss was a weirdo and that a lot of men were at this party. Red flags left and right. I drilled her, ASKING HER, if she did anything with anybody. She couldn't give me a straight answer. I asked her the next day, she said "if she did, she would tell me" But countless times she told me she would black out when she gets fucked up and she's at a work party with dudes probably wanting to blow off some steam and she's getting drunk. I went through a whole week of debating rather or not I should break up with her after a year of dating. When she would want to sext on discord video calls, I had a hard time getting hard so I couldn't masturbate with her. I have already been cheated on twice with two girls.She even asked me during the call if I have been interested in other women. Like. omg. So I hiked like four times contemplating and the next week I dumped her because I couldn't take not knowing if she had sex with a guy at this party or not. It was so much torture for me. I deleted her account off of my shit, I didn't take scree ncaps, I didn't want revenge. I just wanted healing and isolation. So me finding out about the messages being deleted, then reading her bullshit post about me just pissed me off. I genuinely wanted her to get better. I got my fat ass up early in the morning like I was about to go to work and went to hike as soon as the park opened. I cheered her on at this new job and everything. We talked about credit scores, finances, we were talking about her getting out of the shithole shes in and getting a house, something small but enough. I even gave her a list of lawyers in her state she could talk to about working on getting a license so she could drive again. I did so much for this girl, so fucking much. I never asked for nudes, I never asked her to do anything she didn't want to do. Fucking hell. And sadly I'm getting fatter because I have been just, dealing with so much. She was my motivation because it was an opportunity to heal with someone rather than do it all alone. Then having to watch porn just to kill the loneliness at least for the night. I'm just being honest. I watch some porn and I'm not proud of it. These girls fucked me up so bad dude. Then I had another girl I met on this site three years ago who I was on and off with. They have deleted their account and never comes here again but she broke my heart because I wanted some affection. First she tells me she's prepared, then she says shes not, the she tells me we should try, then she ghosts me. So yeah tonight I'm really in my feelings... sorry to be a bummer but any joy I had today just went away. 

Oct 02 2025, 03:08 AM

❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄

Last night I wrote a huge entry that was for some reason deleted by me trying to edit the picture in which was going to be included. Knowing the condition and age of this outdated site I conceded to bed as I just had spent an hour writing it. Though tonight for me is a typical Wednesday where I have to work the next two days there may be some words I'd like to say with vibrancy of which is to my mysterious soul mate whom I still haven't sensed through the flowers. ♥

When it's dark in winter, with no streetlights to be found, I'm in thus dark, but your inner being that provides the light from your soul even in the pitch of black within the cold cabin we hide within; warms me so closely. Our bodies no longer are perceived as when the dark is around our vision is illuminated in our minds with every touch and whisper. It's so quiet, when the snow falls you can hear the very quiet taps when the flakes touch the cold glass as the frost slowly engulfs the corners. Life as we know it has ended for our souls do not align with this current state in the physical due to our intimacy being so within as if we are creatures at the very bottom of the ocean and the surface of water continues to be forgotten since the world we bond is the only one that ever mattered. ♥

You rest your head on my chest to understand my well being and once you do, you open your chest for my ear as if I'm about to dive into your world. So soft and warm. The slow beating of your heart makes me fall into your deepness. Once I do, It's hard to get out for I never sought to even get out in the first place. I moan softly not because of pleasure but because you heal me and surround me. My peace and my inner core is calm like a beaches water that were always of waves but now are of glass for the waters are still and of non-movement. ♥

And you with your soft voice. 

𝘧𝘰𝘳𝘦𝘷𝘦𝘳 𝘧𝘰𝘳𝘦𝘷𝘦𝘳 ...𝘧𝘰𝘳𝘦𝘷𝘦𝘳