Jun 07 2013, 08:17 PM

so yeah I just need to vent a little bit today.. Its been a really hard couple of days.. ive been having flashbacks and people are being so rude and its like I cant take anything I just get so fed up and want to break down over the dumbest things. Ive had my father on my mind so much.. and I know yall don't know but he died in 2006 so its hard. My friends tell me that he is in a better place and all.. and I know that. My friends moms dad fell the other day at the party and all I heard was mrs. lisa scream "jim help", I ran out of the bedroom and when I saw so many people standing around him all of the flashback so my father laying on the floor lifeless just came back to me. Like I wanted to puke. I just feel so guilty that I couldn't do anything to help that day he had a heart attack because I was so little and helpless. its just not fair. And people.. like I cant stand them. Stop touching my stuff and taking my things and taking crap about me. I didn't do anything to you so please stop >.< it gets me so angry! and I know that I should control my anger but like ive been broken down, told I wasn't good enough and that I was a bitch, failure, whore, slut, for so long i just snapped recently. It is just so annoying when so many people think they have the right to make me feel bad. I took it out on my brother and I didn't mean to. Also there is this girl and she lies about so much >.< I cant trust her and everything she tells me is like she is trying to make me jealous. She is constantly talking about her life and how amazing it is.. but in reality its just a big lie. She told me that she met Andy this one day and I was like wow awesome, then like when I got home from school I saw that andy had posted a picture from the night before and he was in Pennsylvania and I was like wow. Then she tells me that she is dating this hot emo boy and I was like cool good for you.. but he looked to attractive and posed so I looked up emo boys to find out that he is really Cameron ugh. like don't lie about that it doesn't make you look cute. She thinks she is so hot and it makes me angry because she just makes others feel bad about themselves. I just don't think people care about anyone anymore. And all of this gets balled up in my mind and I crack. I literally sit in my room all day and don't leave. I don't eat. I don't talk to anyone. I sit here. Sleep. Listen to music. Cry. Cut. Sleep. Cry. Sleep. Listen to music. and cut again. Then it starts over the next day.. Ugh this world is just making me go insane!!! but yeah that was my vent.. :/