Mar 04 2013, 01:13 PM

And you will always be perfect, You will always be beautiful, Our hearts, Will never forget you, You didn't belong here, And its become so clear, Why heaven called your name Tonight Alive - Amelia I fucking love this song, its just beautiful <3

Feb 28 2013, 02:06 PM

Positives: You have the looks, Your funny, Amazing at what you do (drums), Awesome friend, I could chat to you for hours each day, I feel safe around you, You came into my life at the right time Negatives: You have someone already, as do I... You may never know how I really feel about you... 3

Feb 25 2013, 11:12 PM

I dunno what anyone sees in me :'( I'm just a small girl who shouldn't mean anything to anyone. I'm fat, I'm ugly, sound and look like a boy... well I guess that's all true by what people say about me... I'm not pretty, everyone who's says I'm good at singing, their wrong, I'm not as skinny as I'd like to be, no one accepts me for who I am. What if my dream did come true at some point, no one would care, apart from my friends and boyfriend :/ it would be better for some people, suppose I left a letter by my side explaining the reasons... its hard to decide, I just can't get these thoughts out of my head. They go round and round and they don't stop, I know I seem happy and chirpy but really I just know how to hind everything really well, and the thoughts that go round my head just taunt me, making me wanna do it again, but I promised I wouldn't and its the hardest thing I've ever done... :'( I just need help, I want this all to go away but it doesn't. I can't take it anymore... 3

Feb 24 2013, 01:18 PM

I don't know what to do, my mind is so confused now... all this anger and numbness has been replaced by god knows what, the fact I have a crush on someone but I have a boyfriend... I know that's bad but I can't help it, this boy is just so amazing and sometimes he doesn't realize it... he cheers me up instantly and I love talking to him. The only thing is I don't know how much he likes me, plus I have a boyfriend... It honestly drives me crazy that I can't tell him how I feel about him, each day I like him more and more and it gets so hard to ignore it, even though o try so hard to. We could talk for ages, muck around, we have so much in common. I wish I knew what went on in his mind though, what does he think about when he messages me, when he 'likes' my Facebook pictures and statuses, and when we hang out in person. These things bug me inside and I wish I just knew, part of me thinks he doesn't think anything and the part of me doesn't know what to suggest... its so hard and I dunno what to do about it no more...

Feb 24 2013, 09:30 AM

I'm done. I don't care what anyone says I'm just done with everything. You can give me all the hate you want, call me an attention seeker, anything, what I say is true and now I've just had enough!!! Me and my family are just to fucking different and it is so hard to even cooperate with them! Whatever I do, whatever I say, its wrong and they don't like it!! Now my mom is all shity with me, she's practically taking away my life from me, first she says that I'm allowed half an hour to see my boyfriend, then she changes her mind and says I'm grounded from seeing anyone!! That I'll to my nans with my sister all week! Also apparently I won't be allowed out until "she can trust me again" You wanna know why she's saying all this shit? Coz me and my mate cooked chips for lunch and apparently the house wasn't tidy enough, bullshit!! She is such a bitch and I don't care if people say "but she's your mom, you must love her deep down" yea whatever, its got to the point now where m to different from any of my family members, my band are more of a family then them. All this shit I'm going through is torturing me and I don't know can get rid of it all, honestly when the fuck can I move out and live MY life my OWN way? #breakingdown :'(

Feb 23 2013, 12:42 AM

I don't know how I'm still coping... I've just had enough, I wake up everyday feeling nothing, I feel empty, sometimes I don't know what the reason is but I still wake up empty. Numb. All I know is that I can't keep living this way, I need to get out of this loop. I need everyone to back off and let me cope with just my problems and my problems only. The list is getting so long now and its for to a point where that list is to long. I'm guessing that last night my friend cut again, she sent me a text saying 'I think I've cut my vein' I can't believe her. I'm trying to stop so she an make the effort, I've learn from it there's other ways of coping. Distractions, drawing, writing, taking walks, sleeping... anything. Like I said I've made the effort for her and my boyfriends sake, and yes it is killing me not to do it, but if it means I get to keep the people that mean the most to me, I will stop! I want her to do the same. Yes I am getting angrier and angrier as I write this coz she means a lot to me and she needs to learn to make a pro rise she can keep, like I did. I feel like shutting off from the world until it all gets better, but it never will, I know that and if people don't leave me alone I will do something I most probably will regret, or do something people won't like. I've thought about becoming, mute, running away for a day and night and even packing up and running to a foster home/orphanage. That's how much I am dying to get away from this, sometimes even myself... yes myself, I'm at the point where I scare myself with these dreams and thoughts. I hate what I am, fat, ugly, I feel like what everyone says about me is true, it sticks in my mind, overpowers every nice thing people say to me. I hate being trapped in something I'm not. I wanna dress how I want, do what I want, be what I want. But no one likes that, my parents, family, most friends, people at school, society... no one supports me in what I want apart from my band, my parents would be furious if I tell them what I want to become, what I want to do as a career, I just can't win anything, no matter what I do :'(

Feb 21 2013, 11:02 PM

I can't do this anymore... its getting ridiculous now. Everyone is just wanting me and needing me, they all expect me to help. I believe I can do it, I really do. I say to myself I can by reality is that I can't. I have my boyfriend think I like one of our band members, I'm trying to stop my best friend from doing anything stupid and dangerous, attempting to keep her and her boyfriend together, trying to stop myself from breaking the promise that I won't cut again, things going on with family that directly involve me, family stuff that isn't directly to me but still matters, bullying, school just everything. I want it all to go away, because I can't cope, last night was the first time I broke down into tears, I've been strong for so long now but last night took its toll. I seriously thought I would loose the only boy in the world that means so much to me. I woke up earlier and I just let out more tears, I didn't sleep last night, I was to scared to... I want to be happy and if I can't then I don't know what's gonna happen to me, I seriously don't.... :'( 3

Feb 21 2013, 02:17 AM

She stares at herself in the mirror Lost deep in thought She thinks about things That can't be forgot Tears streaming down her face Though they're under her skin How can she run at a steady pace Looked in this trap she can't get out Can't be heard as she screams, screams and shouts Running round you can't see her go insane As she tries so hard she tries Although she never cries She lays looking around her As the memories and dreams lure Watching others careless and free Again she cries out underneath her skin She only wishes everyone could see Looked into this trap she can't get out Can't be heard as she screams, screams and shouts Running around you can't see her go insane As she tries so hard she tries Although she never cries Laying on the bathroom floor Letter in hand Her hair dripped with blood On every strand Words carved Lines carved Emotions carved too Look what you've done This was all you Looked in the trap she can't get out Can't be heard as she screams, screams and shouts Running round you can't see her go insane As she tries so hard she tries Although she never cries

Feb 14 2013, 01:34 PM

Happy Valentine's day everyone!!! I'm so glad I had a good day today, it was about time someone needed to cheer me up, and it worked :) had a great afternoon with my baby boi and two besties, then a great evening at youth club with everyone else :D Let's hope I can keep this happy side of my life up <3

Feb 13 2013, 07:08 AM

I knew my mum would ruin my fucking plans... I now can't even spend this evening with my boyfriend coz she forcing me to go to parents evening with her! Plus I bet she'll have work tomorrow so I won't be able to see him on ACTUAL Valentine's day:'(