Emo Scene Community Forums - Im just so lost........ 1

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l3reeana
Posts: 10

Im just so lost........ Dec 21 2010, 02:46 PM

AI've never been one to do drugs or drink. I'm 18 yrs old now and a freshman in college and up to this point I have had a straight head on my shoulders and that's just always been me...I don't look down on others who may do things I personaly wouldn't and I don't think of myself as bedtter then them...I have friends that may do some things like pot or drink and just cause they dobthat dosent mean I won't be there to catch them when they fall. As far as nev er taking part in any of those things its something I carried great pride in eternally I don't flaunt it its a personal achievment...some day I want to be a police officer when I grow up (lol yeah I know I'm 18 that technicaly is grownup sadly :( ) Anyway latley I have been abusing my sleep medication I take not just at nite to sleep but in the day....I've been strugling with depression for quite sometime now like yrs I'm on medication for that. And recently I find it so easy to just take a dose of my sleep medicine and let the day just past cause its so much easier to escape to my dreams then face reality.....noone is aware of the fact that I'm using it in this way and I know I should let it be known to my mom but then id lose my escape......I don't know what to do or why I let it get this far I'm spending most of my days asleep I'm not a cutter id never take my own life cause I just couldn't do that to my family ...so instead I lose myslef in my dreams ......I can't seem to find that spark to get back on track I'm just lost

Replies

Total Forum Posts: 12

RiRi-Rawwwrr
Posts: 2152

Dec 21 2010, 03:18 PM

I cant say i know how your feeling coz i dont. ive however experienced points you've gone through yehh im younger but dont dismiss what i say because of that. You need to find something thats gonna pick you back up again thats gonna make you smile and laugh and not take the tablets so much. ideally i would say just stop but its never that easy and simple you should set yourself little goals like cut down then just take them every other day time then just stop. Its hard i suffer with depression too i however refused to take medication for it. you just need to find the something that makes you happy that will bring your spark back. may not seem like it now but life will get better its a very precious thing. i learnt that the hard way through experiences that ruined me and others but you gotta keep fighting it will all be worth it in the end. chin up chick ! ( if you need anything just dro me a line)xoxox

l3reeana
Posts: 10

Dec 21 2010, 07:06 PM

I know it is its not like I wanna die...I've just given up my mom tried for a long time to try everything but put me on medication it was a v ery big deal for her...she didn't want me to live taking pills everyday I went from never beinjg on any type of medication to having to take 3 pills a day and in the begining they helped then u burn out and they no longer have a effect so u switch.....I used to sit and wonder y someone who wants to overcome this sooo bad can't seem to y I can't find some type of motivation....I've looked I can't find anything nothing at all to push me I love my family so much and it drives me crazy and I get so angry that I can't seem to find that push to get my shit together if not for me then for them but it won't happen.....I've just come to a point where I don't understand y and I'm tired and I don't understand y wanting it isn't enough to provide that motivation

kill-me_kiss-me
Posts: 6

Dec 21 2010, 08:11 PM

I don't wanna seem arrogant or anything by saying "I know exactly how you feel." But I've been in a similar situation. I was/am a cutter. I've felt the feeling of wanting to tell the people who are so close to you, but not wanting to lose the escape. I've also felt like, y'know, you don't want to disappoint them or anything. I dunno if you feel that or not. I was a cutter in middle school, 3 ears into it now. It seems like you're just starting. That's a really good time to let it be known, and decide what path you're going to take. Realistically, you could do nothing, and let it develop into a dependency, where you will be fighting to control it, and it could get out of hand. You could get hurt. If I were you, and what I personally would be best for you (sorry if that sounded uppity or anything, you're just the same age as me) is to stop now, while you're ahead. Tell a friend or something, tell your mom, and find an alternative escape. Truthfully, you could continue and it would never be a big thing. But it's a big risk. I hope it all works out for you. PM me if you need or want to talk more about it.

xXeMoRaCeRXx
Posts: 18362

Dec 22 2010, 06:17 AM

l3reeana
Posts: 10

Dec 22 2010, 12:00 PM

xXeMoRaCeRXx
Posts: 18362

Dec 22 2010, 03:14 PM

kill-me_kiss-me
Posts: 6

Dec 22 2010, 09:28 PM

l3reeana
Posts: 10

Dec 23 2010, 07:27 AM

Well yesterday I told myself that today I wouldn't take the medicine unless it was when I was suppose to which is right before bed not anytime during the day....its 8:15am and I already broke it I took it "to get some extra sleep cause I woke up really tired" I used the " because I don't even know if that's really the reasson maybe I'm just lying to myself. When I did it I didn't feel guilty or anything. Have I begun to cross the line into adiction if I don't want to stop and know I need to then just not really commiting to it ? If I'm "addicted" will I ever want to stop and if not then what? The medicine is kicking in I'm getting sleepy... But before I forget I want to than those who have replied....so much for a first impression this being it ur view of me probably isn't the best or complete of the person I really m...but anyway thankyou for taking the time to reply and share ur honest thoughts I really do apreciate it.....I've always been the one ppl turn to when they have problems and I believe in being the kind of friend I myself would want therefore I'm always there for ppl and at times I put them ahead of myslef but for the most part I feel as though whenever I'm dealing with my issues I'm always alone and no one ever takes the time out to try and listen like I do....so thankyou very much

xXeMoRaCeRXx
Posts: 18362

Dec 23 2010, 01:51 PM

xSUICIDEBLOODx
Posts: 7255

Dec 25 2010, 12:37 AM

I can relate to u in some ways :-( I myself thought it was much better while asleep on sleeping pills to just dream and dont be awake :-o well this summer I had severe sleeping problems I couldnt sleep even if I wanted to :-o so I was forced to take sleeping pills for a while but the effect after taking that kind of pills is nasty :-( felt even more tired and like I was walking around like a zombie x3 but fortunally for me I didnt get addicted to them and now Am I having normal sleeping patterns since almost 2 months now :-D so be strong and if u wanna talk about it just add me on here and message me :] xx <3

l3reeana
Posts: 10

Dec 30 2010, 01:48 AM

xXeMoRaCeRXx
Posts: 18362

Dec 30 2010, 10:27 AM

Total Forum Posts: 12

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