19 / Female / Minnesota, United States
Pansexual / In a Relationship
Jan 31, 2016
Jan 22, 2021
Current rating: 10.0/10 (1 votes cast)
You have rated Jdkicked
Ummm... I'm a human, how the f am I supposed to describe myself in basic categories to a stranger?! Well, to start with, I like animals, anime, manga, music, drawing, I'm in color guard (The flag spinny girls for all of the non-band geeks out there), I don't hang out with many people, I've been told I'm pretty smart, I identify as gender fluid, and if you want to know more about me, feel free to ask, no guarantees on an answer. I pre-apologise for how bad I am at socializing, I try but often fail due to my extreme lack of experience, dark sense of humor, extreme levels of sarcasm, lack of knowledge about current slang (snazzy, whipper-snapper, punk, and the bomb are more my speed) and overall awkwardness. I'm from a messed up family in a town where everyone hates me and because of this I have turned out pretty messed up. I'm also pretty shy but once you break me out of my shell and earn my trust I promise it will be worth your time to have done so. If you're here just to pretend you care for 9 months and to tell me you love me and we are fine a day before ghosting me, don't even fucking try If we can hold a conversation on here I will gladly give you my discord, kik or Google hangouts. If I really trust you I will give you my Snapchat and/or Skype Please give me a chance because if you give me an honest shot, I will give you my all. For all who have asked: No, Cinder is not my legal name. It would have been if I was born a male but I do prefer it due to the gender neutralness compared to my legal name. Everyone who knows me on a personal level calls me Cinder. And I'm also Pagan and gender fluid so if that offends you, leave now because I'm not going to change. Congrats if you made it this far most people are too lazy to read all of that crap.
Our Common Collapse, Trivium, Slipknot, Black Veil Brides, Fit for Rivals, Motionless in White, Everclear, AC-DC, As It Is, Marilyn Manson and a lot more. I will listen to almost anything outside of country music.
Favourite Films / TV / Books
V for Vendetta, The Matrix, Men in Black, D-gray man, Star Wars, anime, Supernatural, and a ton others
Ummm.... Too many to choose from, but mostly manga and murder mystery.
Education / Occupation
Last year of high school before I go off to college to bury myself in student debt in order to get a PhD
Who I'd Like To Meet
Fun people who understand sarcasm, can take a bit of crap, won't leave me after 2 weeks of talking and will give me an honest shot. Not actively looking for romance but I am fully open to it. Who am I kidding, I don't have enough options to be picky so you will probably be just fine for me.
"You are just exaggerating it"
Depression is having no motivation for anything and not caring any more.
Anxiety is caring too much about everything.
Self harm is a way to control the pain yourself rather than have others hurt you.
Anorexia is everything being too many calories and not eating for days at a time to try and be worth something.
Panic attacks are minutes that feel like hours where everything is trying to attack you and there is nothing you can do to stop it.
All of them are debilitating on their own and in their own ways,
None of them are better or worse than the others,
All of them eat people alive everyday,
And having them all at once is just hell on earth times 10.
I tried so hard to live without them so I wouldn't hurt them more but all I did was hurt them more and let go of the only person who kept me stable most days. All because I don't know how to show I love someone, even though all I ever felt for them was love. I fucked up and don't deserve anyone in my life right now, let alone someone as great as them, no matter how badly I have needed them for the last few months but I really cannot complain about it because as per usual, I was the one that fucked up.
I am falling too fast to be able to stop myself but I already pushed everyone away so they wouldn't know and now I am just hoping that one of they will come back to at least slow down my fall or try and catch me at the bottom.