Emo Scene Community

I'm 17 now, and I started getting suicidal thoughts... well, it was so long ago now, I'm not really sure when. I think I was 11, but don't hold me to that. I didn't really think about self-harm until I started to attempt suicide (don't ask me why, I started drinking air freshener, thinking it would kill me, though I had no idea if it would or not, but luckily, it was absolutely disgusting and it kinda knocked some sense into me), and that was when I started wanting to self-harm. Then, my friend Lauren (who, at the time, self-harmed) made me promise never to do it, so I stuck to that promise... until I was 14. I did it just once, not a very big cut either, easy enough to pass for something more innocent, and it was so good, but I promised myself I wouldn't do it again. I broke that promise. Less than a year later, I did it again. And again. And many more times. I'd probably have never stopped... but I fell in love. I know that sounds so cheesy, but it's genuine. He made me feel wanted, and I felt like I had a reason to stop. So, in May 2009, I totally quit. Even after we split, I kept it up. And didn't restart until October 2010. A year and a half I managed... I'm still pretty shocked by that. I've been going since then... though I HAVE been 26 days without now. It's still really hard though, and I don't regret starting again. It's kinda a way of controlling my suicidal thoughts for me (amongst other things), and they were getting really out of control, to the point where it was taking a lot of effort not to throw myself out in front of a passing car. So tbh, if I hadn't restarted... I probably would be dead. I'm getting things sorted now though, so hopefully, once I can get all my demons sorted out, I'll be able to properly quit :)

^ I started self harming and trying to kill myself at 11 after ym grandad passed away. I'd rather self harm than kill myself even though life is really hityy atm lifes to short to end it and if self hamr helps people stay alove then they should do it. Not promoting it or anything but betwwne killing yourself and self harming every now and again i know what i'd want anyone to do.

( to Kasumisaur) yeah I know that it sucks :s my boyfriend let me down...I was so sad and angry... but I can't show it or give voice to my feelings... I didn't see another solution. when there're nights during wich I can't stop to cry, & it appeased me

@Matt: sorry just now saw that, haven't been on in a while. Thank you :3

It's true! Oh and "Not promoting it or anything but betwwne killing yourself and self harming every now and again i know what i'd want anyone to do." - I certainly agree with that as well. Not heard it put that way before.

Haha i put things in weird wasy but i guess if people understand it and get it, its okay ^^ But hey no one should feel low enough to self harm but i knwo why people do it.

FAIL

>.< nooo riri is that u? O_o x

Yepp my right arm >.<

Awwww noes Riri!!! :( *hugs* This is probably an inappropriate time to mention that I'm 2 days away from being 2 months cut-free...

^ Thats amazing im actually so proud of you honestly ! I wish i was that strong, after everything i should be stronger than ever, but im just, not =/ im pretty much a wreck.

Thankies :$ I have no idea how I've managed it tbh... but you'll be strong enough one day, you're probably strong enough now you just don't realise it :)

Because your strong and know your better than it. Ahhh im not strong enough yet too many things are going wrong, i didnt think life could get any worse but it seems to be doing a pretty good job atm =/

Ahh, life does a good job of that :/ But, I try to pick out the good bits and concentrate on them as much as I can, and there are ALWAYS good bits, it's just when you're in the wrong state of mind, you can't see them.

I rally honestly dont think there is anything good honest nothing makes me smile. Cant eat, cant sleep, failing school, home life is shit, no dad, self harm like really not great then i resort to all that ribbish of cuting again after nearly like 3 months clean!

I promise you, there's SOMETHING good, you just can't see it yet :) Though none of that's particularly great :/ But 3 months is awesome! *hugs* Don't worry that you slipped up, try again when you feel ready :)

Hmm i guesss but still its pretty bad i only used to do a few cuts =/

Well I was like that the first time I cut after quitting... I couldn't stop...

It sucks =/ didnt want to but i did ? if that makes sense ?

Yeahh I understand that, but sometimes you just can't help it :/