Jojo CupcakeKillerr XD
26 / Female / Austin, United States
Bisexual / In a Relationship
Dec 19, 2010
Dec 03, 2014
Current rating: 7.0/10 (1 votes cast)
You have rated JojoCupcakeKillerrxD
The BIGGEST thing I would like for you to know about me, myself, and I is that I am a singer/songwriter in a band called Casting Caroline down here in the big state of Texas, USA :) We have videos on Youtube under the name kingmuttband (had a recent name change) :) We are also on SoundCloud and ReverbNation under our new name, Casting Caroline, and you can listen to and/or download some of our songs for free on either website !
3Oh!3, The Academy Is..., Adele, Against Me!, All-American Rejects, All Time Low, Amanda Palmer, Audioslave, Autumn Blue, Avenged Sevenfold, Bad Religion, Beck, Benjamin Gibbard, Black Crowes, Blind Melon, Blink 182, Breaking Benjamin, Brody Dalle, The Burden Brothers, The Butthole Surfers, Cake, Cage the Elephant, Chevelle, Citizen Cope, Colorfinger, ColorFire, The Cranberries, A Day to Remember, The Dresden Dolls, The Dropkick Murphys, Escape the Fate, Everclear, Everlast, The Exploited, Fleetwood Mac, Flogging Molly, Florence + the Machine, Forever the Sickest Kids, The Fray, Fuel, Godsmack, The Goo Goo Dolls, Green Day, Jimi Hendrix, Johnny Cash, K's Choice, The Killers, Kings of Leon, The Kominas, Linkin Park, Luke Wade, Mayday Parade, Modest Mouse, Mother Love Bone, Murder by Death, Never Shout Never, Nine Inch Nails, Nirvana, No Such Thing, The Offspring, Operation Ivy, Panic at the Disco, Pearl Jam, Pierce the Veil, The Pixies, The Presidents of the United States of America, Puscifer, Rancid, The Real McKenzies, The Red Hot Chili Peppers, Regina Spektor, The Reverend Horton Heat, Scary Kids Scaring Kids, Screaming Trees, Slipknot, Smashing Pumpkins, Social Distortion, Soundgarden, Staind, Streetlight Manifesto, Sublime, Suicidal Tendencies, Sum 41, Switchfoot, System of a Down, Temple of the Dog, Tim Armstrong, The Toadies, Underoath, Weezer
Favourite Films / TV / Books
MOVIES: Fight Club Snatch 28 Days Later Shawn of the Dead The Illusionist Requiem For A Dream Trainspotting SLC (Salt Lake City) Punk Alice in Wonderland Nightmare Before Christmas La Vie En Rose Kurt Cobain About a Son
Green Angel The Heroin Diaries: A Year in the Life of a Shattered Rock Star (The soundtrack by Sixx: A.M. is excellent, as well) Things Left Unsaid by Stephanie Hemphill (a novel written in poems) The Shiver Series by Maggie Stiefvater Thirteen Reasons Why by Jay Asher
A wistful glance
To the couch
Where once you restlessly slept.
If I could take away
All my bitterness.
I had been so bold
I could have
Snuck out in the night
To find you there.
Tempted I was.
Bitterly hurt, as well.
I left without a word
And descended my way
Time for a poem that ISN'T dark and sad :)
You kissed the phone in my absence
As I waited for your voice to return
I held back another "I love you"
As the click said the phone call was done
I sat with it pressed to my ear
Held my breath, closed my eyes, bit my lip
Knowing full well you weren't there
But hanging on to what made my heart flip
The range of your voice soft and sweet
The rises and falls of your sighs
I could almost feel you breathing
Almost hear your chest rise
Yearning's not a large enough word
To describe the intensity of the feeling
Within every small corner of my heart
Love is beautifully beating
Soft moans escape my lips
Because my love cannot be contained
Goosebumps form on my arms
At the very thought of your name
When I hear your voice, I reach out
Reach out to touch the air, thin
I press my palms to my legs
Just aching to touch your skin
My mind's still whispering I love you's
My memory's rewinding to your voice
I'll never forget how this happened
All from one simple choice
Did you miss me?
Probably didn't notice I was gone.
I know, I know. I shouldn't think those thoughts. I'll get depressed again. Shove away the thoughts and I'll feel better.
Can I say mental breakdown? Full-out, went crazy, complete mental breakdown. Poor people, I scared them to death. They didn't know what to do except pick me up from the pavement after I collapsed. And that wasn't a metaphor.
I'm going to get professional help soon, but this time in between is awful. I'm trying so hard not to self-medicate. Not to get addicted to anything. Again.
I know, quit making depressive posts. But you know what, I have to vent it out somewhere, so suck it up. You don't have to read it. This is what keeping a journal is for.
But on the upside, I was told I'm needed last night. To know someone who is that important to me, someone I feel I've hurt so much, someone I can't live without can't live without me either is satisfactory enough. I'd rather be just a friend and give him "inner peace" than be his girlfriend like I wanted to be and not do so. For both to happen would be heaven, ideal, but I won't ask for that.
Ahh... good, nice, healthy venting<3
I think my brain substituted my mental pain for physical pain...
My ribs are hurting again, the same kind of pain I went to the doctor for which led to the big scare over my lungs. Oddly enough, I never really got an answer for why I'm having rib pains?
I realized that every time my ribs get painful, it's right after I stop being depressive (or just plain angry, as far as lately goes). There's no reason that I stop, it's like I just wake up and I'm not depressed anymore; instead I have these sharp pains in the left side of my ribs.
I'm pretty sure this is possible...
If anybody has any sort of advice... comment please?
"Am I allowed to go too?"
"I don't know."
and he shuts the door
in my face.
It's dark here
as I walk quietly away
from the small,
My footsteps echo.
So does the rain.
I've gotten used to
Moments? More like
half an hour of waiting
It doesn't bother me
The silence is silenced
by my thoughts.
Companions? I don't need.
Their voices softly
escape through the cracks
between the door and its way.
I can't hear what they say.
I sink into my chair
beneath its legs
into the floor
into the ground.
It's getting darker.
They call this God's house?
"I'm a Realist"
Painted my nails black again
I'm not who I was
The last time.
Yes, you caused my eyes to open
But I can't be
You want for me.
I'm a realist.
Extremes are too
Unreal for me.
Now take me as I am
Nearly all sides of me.
I look in the mirror
I could be better
But I can't stand fake.
I could be worse
But that causes hate.
I'm a realist.
So look at
The good in
So stressed today I got sick. Went home from school with a fever and I'm feeling better but now I have a headache.
As soon as I got home I freaked out, locked myself in the bathroom, started crying, and next thing I knew I was on the floor, banging my the back of my head against the wall until I sunk even lower and couldn't make myself get up. I sent a text to my friend (who I always go to for these things because usually he has something to say that gets me back on my feet for the time being) and gave him the implication that I was feeling suicidal again; I asked "How can suicide be selfish if everyone else seems so selfish?" His reply was "because you're not thinking of them, you're thinking of you."
Even though I knew he was right, I was still feeling angry and hurt by everyone and kind of flipped out.
For a while I didn't get any messages back. So I got myself off the floor and went into my bedroom and crashed onto my bed, immediately falling asleep. I drifted in and out of sleep for the next hour or so and finally he said something: that he was going to call my parents. When I woke up and read the message I realized just how serious I'd been and that he was really going to do it. So I told him I'd be okay and he said "I'm not going to let you do it."
I sent text after text after text insisting that I'd be okay. I started getting paranoid every time the house phone went off. He didn't call my parents because he believed me; thank God.
Now I'm just exhausted. Life has been so crazy lately. It's not that I'm like this all the time, but some days I just snap. It was so bad today. I've been bad for the past week or two. Even the Butterfly Project (which I know some of you are familiar with) wasn't helping my self harm issues. Idk what's up with me; I thought I was okay. Everyone thought I was okay...
Songs of the Day:
Butterflies Instead - K's Choice
Pale Green Stars - Everclear
Man of the Hour - Pearl Jam