Mar 18 2026, 08:29 PM

tw for any friends reading my journal

the police closed the fucking case abt my ex bf sexually abusing me today???????????? Why? Bc apparently I sent some text messages which 'proved I consented' even tho I didnt even write those text messages, I dont even REMEMBER texting anything and I havent even seen the messages??? But then they arrest random people for smoking a bit of green I don't get it. They're letting a monster free without even at least giving him a talk abt consent. He has had NO consequences btw. Every adult that has a say in things has sided with him bc I shouldve 'dressed less revealing' , 'told someone whilst it was happening' , 'pushed him away and broke up w him' like as if its that easy. But its ok one day he will be caught doing this stuff and he will finally have consequences.

Mar 15 2026, 11:55 PM

So I am doing this Jack Petchey comp n previously it was that I could take flashcards n perform the speech tmr but now its changed that its next week monday n I cant have flashcards, js memorise the whole thing?? 

I mean good thing I'm an actress so I can memorise monologues fairly quickly, n I'm also good at improv but like doing that in front of the shits that u call the ppl in my year I will probably forget the whole thing from nervousness. I mean Im happy I dont have 2 perform it tmr tho bc i was NOT ready lmao. 

But yeah hopefully it goes well in the sense that I dont get jeered off the stage, or made fun of afterwards like my bsf had after she sang Hallelujah on stage 2 my year in celebration assembly even tho she sang so beautifully :/ (the ppl making fun of her were js jealous tho) 

My speech is abt bullying n standing up against bullying bc thats like a huge issue in my year group even tho teachers like 2 say thats not the case but its like u js dont care >.< tho I did speak 2 this guy who ended up kinda? standing up 4 himself but not rlly but he did take my advice of talking 2 a trusted adult n now hes in a diff class :3 Im rlly happy 4 him 4 doing smth abt what I can sympathise was a torturous experience (he was practically like a servant 2 the popular kids n us unpopular kids didnt rlly accept him 2 our spaces bc we didnt c the servant part we js saw him being w popular kids - makes me feel bad abt how once this gal hit me w his football n I js threw it opposite direction when he wanted 2 retrieve it bc I thought he was in on it n then the teacher took it away from him bc ur only allowed footballs if u keep them under control - but dw he did get it back at the end of lesson) so yea I feel quite strongly on this subject

Geez the sleep deprivation is kicking in everythings spinning Imma go 2 sleep now XD

Mar 11 2026, 07:54 PM

fuck overstimulated I feel so understimulated now n I feel like sleeping, scrolling through some short content, eat a bunch n idk but Ik i shouldnt do any of those (other than sleep) but the funny thing is I have loads to do Im js feeling too mleh to acc do any of them :/

Mar 03 2026, 09:18 PM

aaaa it was my last ever performance in my skool drama club (Yr11 rnt allowed 2 b part so they focus on gcse x_x) I lowk was holding back my tears in the end part but I saw my friend bawl her eyes out so I lowk couldn't hold it in Q_Q ESPECIALLY WHEN MY DRAMA TEACHER (the director of the play) WAS SAYING 2 THE AUDIENCE THAT EVERYONE HAS MADE MEMORIES THAT WILL LAST 4 REST OF LIFE LIKE BRO ITS LIKE U WANT ME 2 CRY

But yea the play was shrek n I was mama ogre n a knight (the ppl who do the welcome 2 duloc goofy song from the movie n then also old men in the dragon scene)  n it was so fun lowk but I'm so sad I wont b able 2 b part next year bc stupid revision but my drama teacher said if I wanna b one of the dancers its rlly difficult 2 get a yr11 in but we can work on it :3

Feb 26 2026, 07:48 PM

bro Imma crash out so skl took away my accomodations 4 being autistic bc apparently theres nothing in my files??? but thats js not true n my teacher yelled into my face like centimetres away bc she told me 2 put my blazer on which like I did but then I took it off but like thats why I had accommodations 4 not having 2 wear my blazer :/

but yeah I had 2 have lunch detention 4 being reported 4 wearing 2 much vibrant makeup "this week" by my tutor even tho I wasnt even in skl on mon-tues n then yea=sterday she wasnt there morning tut n I wasnt there in aftrnoon tut?

Also apparently I'm in trouble 4 saying 2 cover yesterday morning "I don't have 2 bc I got sensory issues" when she told me 2 put on blazer even tho like I never said my ssl said that don't put words in my mouth but yeah not my fault my body physically wont let me wear that tight piece of polyester that noone even wears anyway n its like 10min why shld I force myslef 2 do smth I dont wanna do????

English secondary is shit I can't wait 2 finish GCSEs alr ;-;

Feb 16 2026, 09:22 PM

Bleached my hair td!!! 

Also got new glasses perscription n getting my frames on wednesday :3 ( I alr wear glasses but they suck ass bc theyre clear, ugly n wrong perscription >:C)

Feb 15 2026, 12:24 AM

MAKING A VLOG OF MY TIME IN POLAND!!

Imma probs only finish it in over 2 weeks tho... but I will post other stuff in the meantime :P