Theres always somethin different goin wrong, the path I walked is in the wrong direction, Theres always someone fuckin hangin on, can anybody help me make things better Tears Don't Fall, by Bullet For My Valentine
Alanor Rexia; Al Norexic
Alanor Rexia
Was fat as could be
She ate and ate all in her sight
Until she was year 18 minus 3
Alanor Rexia
Was troubled you could see
But she didn't like the mirror
A monster is what she'd be
Alanor Rexia
Wanted to change her ways
Changed her gender and sexuality
And was a little bit happy in a few days
Al Norexic
Was just almost there
When he was confused that day
On what he should wear
Al Norexic
Knew they all looked bad
Because his body looked giant
And it only made him sad
Al Norexic
Started eating less, working more
Only wanted to look skinnier
And ended up losing control
Al Norexic
Almost satisfied
One day stopped eating completely
And almost sat and died
Al Norexic
Wasn't proud of being fat still
But little did he see
That his bones are very visible
Al Norexic
Skinny as could be
Still wasn't happy
And still wouldn't eat
So I guess I'm just stuck now. Though I can get help, I just am restricted. I feel as though I'm locked in a room without oxygen, windows, light, warmth or air filtration. I'm just here, suffocating. I try to walk out of the room but I can't see, I can't even breathe properly. I don't know when my last breathe can even come out, I can wait for it to happen or just cause it to happen quicker than expected.
What I can't even bother to realize is that I put myself into this position. I've tried gaining the key master's trust, but it was lost and I'm trapped. There's no one to call or try to contact. I'm just here, slowly dying.
Alone.
* XxXKingForADayXxX joins Help and Advice
‹XxXKingForADayXxX› And this is when I sit alone in a chat and sulk for the rest of my night
‹XxXKingForADayXxX› Not like anyone cares anymore
‹XxXKingForADayXxX› No one did in the first place...
‹XxXKingForADayXxX› What were you even thinking? Someone actually caring about you? That's pathetic. You know you'll never be cared about or loved. You're just a disappointment to the world
‹XxXKingForADayXxX› Disappointment to the human race, female and male kind. You're just disgusting Elijah. You're disgusting Serena. Your name isn't even Elijah, and you're not even pan***ual or transgender. You're a lie
‹XxXKingForADayXxX› You're just a disgrace period. Fuck you and go jump off a cliff, slit your wrists, close your eyes, cry until you go blind, hang yourself, jump off the bridge, drown yourself, overdose.
‹XxXKingForADayXxX› No one cares you fucking loser. You're just a waste of oxygen and space. No one needs, wants, cares, or loves you. You're better off dead and gone
‹XxXKingForADayXxX› No one would miss you.
‹XxXKingForADayXxX› You fucking loser.
‹XxXKingForADayXxX› You'll never be known for anything
‹XxXKingForADayXxX› You'll never even make it anywhere because of your grades. You're stupid and so fucking dumb. I've seen a llama get better grades than you
‹XxXKingForADayXxX› You can't sing, dance, write, draw, socialise. You can't even get out of your bed without complaining you're tired or you're in pain.
‹XxXKingForADayXxX› You're such a fucking fatass. No one wants to be with you. You're always complaining and sitting in a corner. How fucking stupidly emotional can you get?
‹XxXKingForADayXxX› Face it Elijah/Serena. You're never gonna be anything because of who you are.
I'm done with him... It hurts too much to see him walk around so happy with another girl.... So I really hope you're happy, because I'm not. It's hard to get over you when you're constantly contacting me. Just leave me alone already.... You're the reason why I want to just jump in front of a train and die.... I loved you a lot but apparently you didn't feel the same way and just left me for her. I gave up our relationship to make sure you were happy... Because that's what I thought people who love each other do. I guess I was wrong. You're not the one for me, and I'm sick of the heartbreak. Good bye. You've hurt me too much
To be honest, I actually feel really happy to have people like me... Didn't know until now.
Thanks guys for showing me that I can actually mean something to some people
I've been depressed lately because it seems as though I try to do things to peoples' liking, and I end up failing. I try to create a good story for people to enjoy, but as it's obvious, no one likes my story. I've tried growling and screaming to my favourite music, and I ended up messing my voice up almost for good. I try to be good at being a friend, and I end up driving people away. I try to pass classes and I still end up failing the most important one. I try to play one song on the guitar and I screw up and constantly break strings and things. I try to be nice and friendly, but everyone just makes fun of me. They point out the negatives in me and they never can see the little things that are supposed to matter.
I've been told to forget the people who dislike me, but it's so hard to when they're always surrounding you and you are forced to be in that surrounding. I can't get out of certain places because I'm forced to be there. I don't want to be there and if I leave, then I miss a whole entire lecture that was important. It's so hard to block people out because the people who are generally nice to me are friends with the ones who pick on me constantly. I can't ever be friends with that person because the people who pick on me forbid me from talking to the nice people. I'm always excluded in so many things, even on the internet in public chat rooms, I'm excluded in so many conversations. I end up leaving and being alone, constantly checking my phone to see if anyone has even bothered to message me. But there's no use.
I was meant to be gone over 7 years ago because I have told myself that I'm going to just run away and live with the animals or in the woods where no one could find me. I never did it because I've tried finding friends and people to talk to. I only end up talking to the people who don't see this side of me and the guidance counselor. I have tried so hard to make friends, but it's impossible because no one wants to be my friend. No one bothers to even see the good side of me. I try to be unique but I end up just being a copy-cat.
I plan on just leaving the internet and taking every single little thing with me that's there....
I know I cry a lot, and I'm childish, but I have no clue how to stop. It just feels too hard to try to stop crying. To stop thinking about my faults. To stop thinking about how I want to just disappear. To stop thinking how if I were gone, everyone would love it.
It's just never anyone else's fault for anything because I'm just completely fake and a problem to everyone I meet.
No one kik's me anymore. I only snapchat 2 people like a few days every 3 weeks. I don't even need my skype. I have unlimited texting, but I only text one person who really seems to care. My instagram is just as dead. My Tumblr is only going because of the ones I follow. Everything I have of social media sucks.
I can't even write one story correctly and make it make sense.
Why am I always so goddamned stupid and worthless? Why do I even exist anymore? I was supposed to be dead over 7 years ago, when I promised I would take a knife through the heart or a slam from a car.Why am I even here?
I have not the slightest clue what to do right now. I'm upset and I don't know why. I'm not sure what to think and why I think that.
No. I know why
I'm alone. No one is there for me anymore because everyone decided to just run off and tend to a new friend. I'm no longer necessary, no longer wanted. No longer recognized or acknowledged. It disappoints me that all the people I called best friends or even slight friends, here and at school, just don't even realize I exist.
I guess I'll hide for the time being because I have no use in being in a place that I'm not wanted in......
Happy
Sad
Tired
Glad
Dr. Seuss moment.
Soooooo tbh I ish happy because I will be uploading one or two covers of songs onto YouTube for my first time ever. I have only exposed my voice to SoundCloud, a few friends, and a talent show of people. But YouTube feels like a major step for me. So wish me luck for my first time c: and thanks to all the people who support me
