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I can't help but feel this way, I want all the pain to just go away, These scars, they are here to stay, Give me a reason to live through today. Suicidal Tendencies, by Posthuman

Emo Forums » Help And Advice (Reply)

Emo Pictures - MadelineAngel
MadelineAngel
Posts: 52
Really really really wanna die <3 Dec 01 2013, 02:59 AM
I really don't want to sound like an attention seeking cunt but I swear to god I can't take one more little thing. Every morning a wake up in immense pain due to having my back broken a year ago and pushing my self too hard at Ice skating and I'm an insomniac and I'm medicated for that but the side effects make me drowsy. But I always keep my head up, I don't complain, I just push my self to the limit to make it through everyday. Pretty shit past too; I was bashed up everyday for five years and every fortnight for seven years my Farther would hit me too. Now, my Farther lives away and I'm trying to trust him again but all I get from him is "Maddy, everything about you is wrong." or "You should be in a mental ward." And my older Sister is someone I thought I could run to, until she got fucked up by attention seeking whores who would run to her. Now she has no sympathy, at all and all she says is. "Maddy, people treated you badly when you were young because you are a bad person." and "You run to me but you won't let me help you." All she does is spit words at me like I'm the scum in her life. My friends have been talking to people about the scars on my arm. I didn't tell them, I didn't trust anyone with it. They found out and now the whole school knows and I want to run away and die. Also, I fell in love with the most amazing guy and he told me he loved me, just to tell me the next day he was fucking some other girl.

Replies

emooverlode99
Posts: 4
Dec 01 2013, 08:06 AM
dont be glum chum :(
Emo Pictures - screamotaku
screamotaku
Posts: 42
Dec 01 2013, 11:32 AM
Ignore your prick of a father and just don't listen to him, same goes for your sister. I've been suicidal before and all I can say is you should try to focus on the things that are keeping you going, and should know ppl really do care. Also about what you said with "not complaining" etc., maybe you should complain a bit more, might help, just don't complain or listen to selfish people who don't care. That's all the advice i can give, hope it helps.
Emo Pictures - RavenStorm
RavenStorm
Posts: 10
Dec 01 2013, 05:33 PM
I know exactly how you feel, to have to push to keep going, but please, don't ever give up! you know that someone, somewhere cares, and even though most wont know you, I don't know you, but even if its just me, you have at least one person who cares! ive been through this with a really close friend, she had been in hospital before, scars on her wrists and legs, carving hurtful words into her skin, but she stuck it out, we stuck by her, and she is a hell of a lot better now. (Gosh, 13 years old and all this) you just need to think of all the good things in life, things you want to do. any bands you haven't seen in concert that you want to? places you want to visit? you will never get there if you give up! with the name callings, you just need to strengthen your mental barriers, block out any bad things people may say. if you give up, think of all the people who would miss you, who would wish they had gotten closer to you. there are many amazing things in life, sometimes you just have to search further to find them :) hope i've helped, and stay strong!'xo
Emo Pictures - MadelineAngel
MadelineAngel
Posts: 52
Dec 02 2013, 12:17 AM
I've tried to complain. When I can finally move in the mornings and my Mother is yelling at me I yell back "If you only knew how hard it is to fucking move for me right now you'd be proud that I'm half way out of bed!" I'm only alive because my friend has lost five people this year and she keeps saying "Maddy, cheer up." and I keep telling her I'll be fine because I'm so used to hoping and looking up and being strong for everyone but this time I don't know if I can do it. Now my Farther lives in Sydney and I haven't spoken to him in months and I'm not telling my Sister anything anymore and I've never spoken about anything to my Mother. I've always delt by myself and even when I was little and was being dragged by my hair for a kilometer, I always thought that someone might care and maybe they do but it's not the same as being loved so when anyone tells me they love me now I feel sick because it's not true.
Emo Pictures - -FiFi-
-FiFi-
Posts: 212
Dec 02 2013, 05:03 PM
well.. with the love thing.. you will get over it all eventually and it isn't the end of the world.. enjoy life while your still young and free and just focus on yourself. :) With your farther and sister... if it gets really to the point where there's nothing you can do.. you may be better off without them... if they're dragging you down maybe it's time to let go and go on your way.. towards your own path. Friends may of said something maybe because they were worried.. have you tried asking them why they said and how they found out? if you ask in a kind way and just stay calm about it.. there is probably a reasonable explanation for it. And is a way.. its good that you do get on with your back pain and stuff.. for even though it can be seen as a disability, it shouldn't get you down... in a way you should become stronger and do what the hell you want to do :D
Emo Pictures - MadelineAngel
MadelineAngel
Posts: 52
Dec 03 2013, 03:21 AM
I can't do this anymore. I've always pushed myself to the limit and not for my own sake, for others and I am proud of it, I like that I care but sometimes I hate it because it just gets me hurt. I've focused on the good this for fifteen years, smiled, giggled, joked, loved but all I get is a slap in the face and the more enduring I do, the bigger the slap I get. I can only wish for someone just to say "I'm so proud of you, Maddy." and fucking mean it or "I love you." And fucking mean it. Not one person has ever told me that and meant it, ever. I want someone to look at me and mean it when they say that. So if no one does love me what's the point? Why should I be here if I'm just another girl?

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