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I'm in the business of misery, let's take it from the top When I thought he was mine, she caught him by the mouth I waited eight long months She finally set him free I told him I couldn't lie, he was the only one for me Misery buisness, by Paramore

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soEmo.co.uk - Emo Kids - Tantra_B

Tantra_B

Tantra Bower
31 / Female / Brighton, United Kingdom
Not Sure / In a Relationship
Member since: Feb 04, 2008
Last online: Oct 07, 2011

Current rating: 8.7/10 (3 votes cast)

About Me

About me? I tend to be the weirdest of the bunch. There are a few people who I don't know what I'd do without in my life, I really wouldn't. I like to think I'm a friendly person who gets on well with people. I do speak my mind if someone raises an important issue though, whether they wish to listen to my on-going rant or not. :D
As you can tell, I'm in to a lot of Anime films. There's nothing better then sitting down watching a film with a nice cappuccino :D I do a lot of computer art, always loved anything to do with Media. :D

So go on, say hi! :D

Favourite Music


Blessthefall
Saving Aimee
Go:Audio
Tonight Is Goodbye
Youmeatsix
Red Jumpsuit Apparatus
The Automatic
The Academy Is...
Mystery Jets
Escape The Fate
UnderOATH
All Time Low
Metro Station
Flood Of Red
Inhale Exhale
The Devil Wears Prada
Story Of The Year
Slaves To Gravity
TheAudition
Glamour Of The Kill
Jet Lag Gemini
Billy Talent
The Metric Droid
Late Of The Pier
My Passion
Kill Hannah
I Am Ghost



Favourite Films / TV / Books

Tales From Earthsea
Final Fantasy 7: Advent Children
Spirited Away
The Mighty Boosh
Howl's Moving Castle
Bleach
Deathnote
Fruits Basket
Love Hina
The Grudge
The Butterfly Effect
The Alex Rider Series
Twilight
Harry Potter
Pendragon Series

Education / Occupation

Well, of course I'd like to be able to see the gorgeous Andy in person one day :D. Feel better soon sweetheart. <3
Want to see Evie more! :(

MSN - tantra.whore@hotmail.com
Email - tantra.bower@googlemail.com



soEmo.co.uk - UK Emo Community

soEmo.co.uk - UK Emo Community

Who I'd Like To Meet


miyavi-2008-tour.jpgayabie%20aoi.jpg246w54z.jpg

Comments (Add Comment)

SomeMorbidKid
Apr 22 2008, 02:05 PM
thanks for the add :) im fine thanks, urself? u hav a pretty name, if that doesnt sound weird lol x
Fatalx
Apr 22 2008, 01:09 PM
Haha. My hair was long enough about a week ago. Not anymore though. :P Sorry. But I'd love to smuggle you in my.. uhh.. back pocket? Might be a bit of a squeeze but I'm sure we could manage it. :)
Emo Pictures - OurAndy
OurAndy
Apr 22 2008, 10:07 AM
Hey baby girl, Yeah finally managed to get back to you, no internet is very disturbing, I was having cold sweats and everything :P Hehe, I'm sure you haven't really just been checking every few minutes just to see if I had made new comments ;) Sorry it took a while. Aww don't worry of course I know you care. I suppose I am guilty as well of not seeing how things are going for you, maybe we need to start future conversations with that. What do you think "Hi how r u?", "wubu2?" hehehe :P Anyway I am pretty good thanks, work is boring me senseless as always, had a bit of an emotional day yesterday, one of my little baby girls (Lydia) left for Manchester to go live with her mum for a bit. She has been having a tough time and I think it's probably for the best but going to miss her so so much :( Seeing her off at the train station was awful, me and my baby boy Henry were in a bit of state over it all, but we both agreed that Lydia needs to get away for a bit. Ahem "bugger!" I'm sure I have no idea what you mean ;) Okay no worries, take your time and I look forward to your reply :) x x x
Emo Pictures - OurAndy
OurAndy
Apr 22 2008, 09:44 AM
Hey honey, Loosing an arm (well my internet connection anyway) and Sensory overload: Sorry for not replying any sooner, my internet died on Fri night Sat morning and only just got it back properly. That combined with a weekend where I didnt if I was coming or going, people trying to overload whats left of my mind and play with my emotions, Im almost glad to be back in work today (almost :P). The curse of Windows Live Messenger: Hehe, I think Ive learnt that lesson also, in fact I am finding myself actually signing into Windows Live Messenger less and less these days. Theres only so many Hi how r u?, wubu2? and one word responses that I can take. :s
Emo Pictures - OurAndy
OurAndy
Apr 22 2008, 09:43 AM
Stimulating conversation, not enough hours in the day: I am, loving our conversations, I positively look forward to them :D. Aww our conversations arent just something to do when Im bored, I would rather spend the time conversing with you than do some of the mind numbing tasks that normally make up my day. I am finding it refreshing that I dont have to switch my brain off when I arrive at work and then it switch it back on when I leave. :D Likewise, wish we had met oh so long ago, but we have now, and it appears we are catching up on potential conversations we may have had. :D. Never stand still weekends and Andys self-guidelines part (lost count now :P): You dont give yourself enough credit and you dont sound boring or un-eventful at all. I always believe in taking life at whatever pace you want to, no-one should feel they should be doing more, or should be doing less. I just happen to be someone who thrives on burning the candle at both ends and keeping things at a fast pace, a lot of that is probably down to ADHD but I think I would be like that anyway without it. My weekends usually end up busy and this one was no exception. However it wasnt my most fun weekend I will admit. A few arguments with friends over silly things, a few ghosts from the past coming back to haunt me, a so called friend thinking it would be fun to spike me (which really doesnt help with ADHD) and a boy who Ive had an on again/off again relationship with for months giving me serious mental overload, just made the weekend one that I am happy is now over. As I mentioned earlier, I almost glad to be back at work and you know how much I loathe work so you can get an idea of how wrong my weekend went. :s Im glad you have a high interest in and care what I get up to, and I love sharing with you what Ive been doing. Likewise I love hearing about what youve been doing :). Your weekend sounds just as eventful as mine and loads of fun too. Hehe Then I realized I left my Serpico hoodie, that did make me chuckle. :D. I can relate with the travel sickness, I used to suffer terribly when I was younger but does seem to have levelled out a lot now. I wouldnt worry too much about not remembering uneventful days, I often find myself confused and puzzled if I get asked what I did on an uneventful day, and end up saying to be honest, Im not really too sure. Hehe, it is said its a fine line between insanity and genius. :P No I really dont sleep at all and perhaps I did ought to try and sleep more, I have even attempted medication to help me sleep but I dont think my mind ever settles down enough to allow me to sleep more than a few hours. I am very much the same, on the odd occasions when I do sleep more than about 3-4 hours I feel like death for all of the next day. Hmmm your neighbours sound somewhat like mine, the father hasnt worked in 20 years, the children are out of control, why they feel the need to begin playing music at 3 oclock in the morning I have no idea (and then they sleep all day). Very much chavs, we often have so enlightening exchanges along the lines of oi gay boy!, queer, blah, blah, blah. I have yet to work out if its meant as some sort of insult or if they are attempting to be helpful by perhaps informing me I am gay, just in case I didnt already know. :s I could go into a rather lengthy rant about chavs, their arrogance, lack of respect for anything and the general homophobic attitudes adopted by such people, but to be honest making the effort to rant about such an embarrassing part of society seems a very big waste of time and thought that could be put to far better use on something far more meaningful. :P Alcohol: Ahem yes, I do perhaps look forward to alcohol maybe a little bit too much these days, I really should cut down, but doubt I will. I do often find alcohol is quite a good suppressant/ relaxant for my chaotic mind. I wouldnt say I was dependant or anything as I dont need to drink; I just make the choice to do so. I have been dependant on things in the past, got myself into something of a bad situation with drug abuse, but got myself out of it and have no wish to return. Hmmm I suppose no-one should really drink, smoke, consume e numbers in foods, dont eat too much salt, dont eat too much fat, unless its good fat :s, according to various conflicting opinions and studies, but I believe as long as its not a dependency/abuse of alcohol then you make your own choices and people should respect that. Titles, headings etc: Hehe I dont think Im that great at coming up with titles, headings etc but thanks for suggesting I am :D. Haha Ill bet you could come up with some great ones, but you are welcome to thieve mine :P
Emo Pictures - OurAndy
OurAndy
Apr 22 2008, 09:43 AM
Insomnia, half nocturnal rodent: In a strange way it amazes me as well, Im sure its not recommended. I definitely dont eat a well balanced diet so I can only assume I have a high tolerance. I do often get that I feel lonely, and although I look forward to me time, I can only go so long without some interaction with someone (again I think ADHD perhaps plays some part in this). Haha, yes I have had some entertaining experiences on lack of sleep and A giggly gay dude is a very good description. :D. I believe my most interesting and perhaps mentally damaging time was once when I had an ill conceived idea to conduct an experiment of just how long I could stay awake. I reached 9 days without any sleep at all; made sure I didnt have any kind of stimulant to stay awake, e.g. caffeine, pro-plus, red bull, all that sort of thing. I just didnt become tired, by the end of it I was giggling for an hour about the different spectrums of colours that I could see coming from the light bulb in my friends living room and then had a discussion with my now very disturbed friend for 30 minutes about light bulbs. I decided that perhaps it was best to go and try to sleep for a while, and even then I think I slept for about 5 hours and then woke up and felt perfectly fine. However I wont be doing that again! :P I quite like the term gay dudes and I dont think it sounds like a stereotype. I had a look through your Myspace profile, and I see what you mean! Hehe I feel exceptionally honoured to be featured in both (I got your add request on Myspace by the way and have added you, I cant say I visit Myspace too often now though). Honesty, truth and intelligent conversation: Hehe yeah, yeah, yeah you carry on with you *looks all smug* :P When I did get my act together I did wander, why did I want to fit in with anyone, I just want to be me. I dont really make an effort to fit in with anyone now, if I get on with someone, great, if I dont, I dont really much of it. Yeah, it really wasnt a good time, most of my friends adopted a dont get involved attitude, but they had obviously been discussing the situation with my ex so they were already involved. Personally I would have taken the stance of saying to my ex well you need to talk to your boyfriend (which would have been me in this case), dont you first rather than discussing it with me, but I guess everyone thinks differently. Which is as you say is basically just to be honest and not keep someone hanging. Its no problem and I am always happy to lend an ear :D. Aww glad you feel comfortable being able to discuss things with me, and I feel the same. I understand what you mean about bringing up depressing subjects, sometimes I just get to the place where Ive got it sorted out in my own mind and you either want to bring it up again, or you are just happy to leave it. Im sure for both of us, past relationships will either come up again, or they wont. Incomplete, unfilled and poorly thought out profiles: Im honoured you find my profile so interesting :P I know what you mean though with re-reading things, I always work from the assumption that I may have missed something the first time around so must re-read to make sure I didnt and then yes, I do like things to stick once Ive read something. Hehe, I sometimes am a little over enthusiastic at noticing when things have been updated and changed :P Hmmm yes, I do freely acknowledge I am pretty strange :P and often people can find it a little unsettling, but again, Im just me. Yet another one of my beliefs is that strangeness is an expression of ones individuality, which must mean I am very individual. :D
Emo Pictures - OurAndy
OurAndy
Apr 22 2008, 09:41 AM
Beliefs and religion: Hehe, I do have my moments :P No worries about being able to offer views in response, I always think we base our views on our own experiences, if youve been fortunate enough to not have had many experiences with religion then its only going to be a stretch of a few thoughts you have on the subject and I respect you for not trying to do that. :P I get very uncomfortable around churches or anything associated with religion, it does as you said freak me out. I understand in some way that for some people they perhaps need something in their lives to believe in, but I find it very disturbing how so many people can believe so strongly and often fanatically in something that they have never seen, heard or there is any evidence to support in anyway shape or form. My view is that I dont see how popular and recognised religions are any different to the cults that get people in such a fuss about, just because some who is defined as being in a cult has a different belief system to say a Christian why is it any different just because its a belief that has a small following? I could go into an extensive rant about religion but I would just get myself very wound up and annoyed and I am happy not too. :D I dont really have any problem with anyones personal choice of following a religion or not, I just object to when they try to make you believe in what they believe. I do have something of a big issue though with religious institutions, I believe they are very exploitative, manipulative and I think they give people who perhaps need a something in their lives or dont want to take responsibility for making their own choices a very false sense that there is some all powerful being who will make everything ok and that they dont need to decide for themselves or take responsibility as its all being guided by this powerful being! To quote the Grandma character from Catherine Tate What a load of old shit!. Ramblings of a madman: Hehe I was hoping that would bring a smile and it worked. :D Quotes: I sometimes get a little over zealous with quotes, you will have to say so if I do. :D Hmmm, one I quite like is by Arthur Schopenhaur A man's delight in looking forward to and hoping for some particular satisfaction is a part of the pleasure flowing out of it, enjoyed in advance. But this is afterward deducted, for the more we look forward to anything the less we enjoy it when it comes.. I like it as it fits very much in with my live for the moment outlook. Painted nails and such a gay night: Ahem, well funny you should mention about painted nails, Friday night was a monthly LGBT night in Sheffield called Climax, it was an official South Yorkshire Pride warm up event and as I am part of the crew for Pride I decided to make a little bit of extra effort, so my friend (Lydia) decided to give me the full works, black painted nails, eyeliner, mascara, dark eye shadow around my eyes then a big band of red eye shadow across both eyes, tsunami hair, incredibly skinny jeans, and Lydia even managed to attach so stud heads to look like snakebites (which now Ive seen what they may look like, it has brought me one step closer to getting them done). I was very happy with the final look, got loads of compliments and it went down very well with the boys if you get my meaning ;-) There are some pictures of me when Lydia gets round to sending them me.
Emo Pictures - OurAndy
OurAndy
Apr 22 2008, 09:41 AM
Acquiring words & phrases from friends: I find I do that as well, I end up adopting words and phrases used by friends, its quite an annoying habit. :s Up north coolies is used quite a lot, but its an extension of cool, great those sort of words if you get my meaning. However I shall take note and refrain from its use when talking to yourself. I had already begun amending it to cool beans (dont ask) as when I realize I am being a bit of sheep, I always resist against it and change my behaviour. :D Pain, queuing and desktop computer hunchback syndrome: I am really not good with queuing for anything, I can last about 10 minutes and then I start getting twitchy and irritable, then I just end up leaving :P I start getting pain too if I stand around for too long, for me though I get aches and pains in my lower back and then that almost always eventually turns into a headache. I hate sitting at a desktop computer on a desk chair, I always start out sat up straight but then just slowly lean forward until I am in full hunchback position, end up with stiff neck, pain down my spine etc. This is probably why I love my laptop so much. Damn! Youve found me out; I am in fact a teddy bear really! :P Ive never really been stuck up, I sometimes perhaps show off a little if thats the right phrase if Im having a discussion with someone who is trying to be intelligent, but just really isnt. I dont expect anyone to try and be more intelligent than they are, but trying to be something you arent just ends up embarrassing. :D Hehe, I shall limit my laughing to once in a while, although I think thats going to be difficult not to smile and laugh during our conversations. :D So it looks like I shall have to seek some help from my friend who does botox treatments. :P Stereotypes: Hehe, well I shall tell you the story of my coming out at a church garden party event. This was all whilst I was still pandering to the wishes of parents, still trying to be straight and was attending church events etc to try make them happy. For several weeks mother had been mentioning about this single girl who was a student teacher, got her own house, shes really nice blah, blah, blah. Apart from the fact I knew in myself I was gay and was working myself up to coming out, I had serious objections to my mother trying to play matchmaker, I was perfectly capable of find someone myself. Anyway there was this church garden party at the vicarage that they had a few times a year, most of the church regulars attended. There was free alcohol so after about an hour or so I had, had a few drinks or was feeling quite merry but not drunk. I was doing quite well at avoiding talking to the god squad and their annoying clichChristian children, but then my mother tracked me down, along with the vicars wife and this girl who mother introduced as This is Alison, the one I told you about!, I simply said right, and then the vicars wife started with oh I think you two would get on really well, blah, blah, blah. This went on for about 10 minutes and I was getting more and more uncomfortable and annoyed. I had, had a few more gulps of wine and suddenly said Look Alison, Im sure youre really nice and everything, but Im sorry I only have sex with men, so unless youve got a cock under your dress, I kind of doubt anythings going to happen! my mother and the vicars wife had a look of horror and were utterly speechless, Alison actually started laughing. At this point I just grabbed my coat and left the garden party, my father was ranting away behind me, but I just kept walking and I have never returned to anything to do with the church again. :D I think this was about the time when my relationship with the parents completely broke down. I must admit I felt so free and liberated for having done it and it still makes me chuckle when I think about it to this day.
Emo Pictures - OurAndy
OurAndy
Apr 22 2008, 09:40 AM
Fun, fun, fun: Yeah I get bored so easily, doesnt take much. If Im not being challenged or stimulated in some way then thats when I start doing the random things like going and waking friends up at stupid oclock in the morning. :D Like you say it is well documented that intelligent people get bored easier, so you are quite justified in being all smug. :P We had many a strange night and even strange random missions and after club ideas. There are literally hundreds of photos from the Gatecrasher days of us all cybered up. They are all printouts though. We have all handed them to a friend who is going to get them all scanned in, so when he gets round to it I shall be sure to send you some. You can have a good giggle at them. :P Music: Yeah Im into most genres of dance music with the exception of drum and bass sort of thing. Hmmm well if it was true Techno then a good place to start is with something like Schmange, also Deathbyartschool, theyre a little more Techno Rock. Techno does have quite a large range of flavours compared to other dance music genres. So have a glance over their websites, they usual have streams of their tracks on there and see what you think. :D Gay bars: Hehe, Im always happy to make you laugh. :P I did work for a monthly gay night for a very long time called Fairy Likuid, those were very disturbing times. I think there are a few of the photos still up on a website - http://photos.fairylikuid.co.uk/main.php. Fortunately there arent many if any of me on there as they are just mainly extra photos that the photographer uploaded some years later, all the main ones got lost when the main website went down, phew!. :D Glad you liked the Chav comment, I was actually a little proud of that one and have even added it to my new Quotes section on my profile. :D Hmmm Steps, best they are left in the history books. :D
Emo Pictures - OurAndy
OurAndy
Apr 22 2008, 09:40 AM
Vegetarianism: Kind of sounds similar to me, I saw a few films on how animals are slaughtered and processed etc, I just couldnt face eating meat. I was vegetarian for 9 years then ended up getting more and more ill, again serious iron deficiency, ended up in hospital for 3 weeks and basically they told me I had to start eating meat as I have something that means I cant get enough iron, vitamins etc from tablets and injections (I forget what they called it), so I had to go back to eating meat. Hardest thing I have ever had to do, I literally cried everyday for 2 weeks at the thought of eating meat again :-( When I did finally start trying it, it would just make me vomit. Took me a good 2 months before I could actually eat any meat, I had to train myself by eat chicken flavoured quorn steaks, meat flavoured vegetarian products (which I really dont get the point of!), just to get used to the taste again. Awww hun, that sounds awful :-( . I have an idea what it must have been like though, my mother has had a few suicide attempts, when she wasnt depressed she used to just beat me for the slightest little thing. My Dad is something of a mean drunk and used to give me regular beatings as well, he used to try it with my sister but as a protective big brother I always used to have a go at him/attack him so he would turn on me and leave my sister alone. I used to find it almost amusing listening to my mother explaining away my broken ribs, broken arms, fractured skull etc with the most outrageous accidents. :s All of this was way before I told them I was gay as well. I cant say it particularly bothers me what happened to me, Ive got it sorted in my own mind, but it does upset me when I remember my sister getting slapped etc. Anyway, enough on that subject. Well glad I cheered you up at the end. :D Hehe, the love will always flow your way sweetie, Ill just make sure to remind you every now and then :D Sorry its took so long to reply, hopefully wont have internet problems again now. Well heres another XxMwahxX for your collection :P
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