Apr 03 2013, 05:30 PM

All i want out of like is fucking cigarettes that have rainbow smoke. Do you know how fucking amazing that would be!?!? but no we can create internet and rocketships but no no rainbow smoking cigarettes D": i just want my smoke to be rainbow and purdy

Mar 27 2013, 11:01 AM

They were right. So, I guess this is goodbye.

Mar 19 2013, 02:48 PM

Question. Have you ever sat back apart of the crowd of people and seen the perfect group of friends, those people that have the perfect face and body with friends that are just as perfect, with boys that enjoy their presence. Have you ever listened to them talking about going shopping and driving and having a party. See them with their best friend that is a boy, seen how well they could trust and confine in people, see clear scar free skin and a face that shows perfect sleep with dry eyes and a whole home. And then do you wonder why you were damned? Why you don't look anywhere near as good and your body is ugly and fat, your friends look better and have real relationships. Wondered why you can't trust and when you finally do they leave, they always leave. Ever wondered why you bear scars and tear streaked faces... being perfect seems so amazing .. so much better then what I have now.

Mar 17 2013, 10:10 PM

i thought i had learned my leason. i thouight i was done with trust. i thought he was different isnt it with time that you are supposed to get closer four years and we have seemed to grow apart and i dont understand i dont know why alex cant hold a conversation with me anymore why he promises to do these things and they dont happen. i thought he was different i though that he understood that i dont write for attention that i do these lame as post not because i have to but that i need to to keep myself sane because im so tired im so tired of being here and i can feel it in my skin all of it crawling everything trying to escape because im a bad person. i cant do this anymore every time i try i get slapped in the face and put back down where i belong and its hard its so hard im only 16 and i dont get to be 16 there is so much to do i have to take care of my family but no one takes care of me, always contiplating if i need a more stable job so i can pay their bills if i stop wanting things if that would help if i was a better daughter would that change things if i hadnt been born would he have staid for shayla so she could be happy im there for them but where were they when it happened i went through it all alone i was so little and it hurt and i cant get over it and i joke but it hurts to feel so worthless to be so fucking over looked that i never amounted to anything and i dont want to do this anymore and i can do it its selfish and i know but i just need help but i dont want help i dont want people to know that im me no one needs that stress im tired of crying im tried of feeling im tired of being pathetic im a fucking parent to kids that never even came out of me im a parent to my parents. fuck ... im just sorry. sorry that i am not what you deserve. sorry that i cant fix anything. sorry that i ruin everything. sorry to have bothered anymone. im just sorry for breathing. im sorry

Mar 17 2013, 04:18 PM

I'm just going to drive into another car. Swallow pills with vodka and lay in the middle of the road watch the clouds float by. Wonder what a happy life feels like.

Mar 17 2013, 08:25 AM

Welcome to depression bitch. Try not to make a mess.

Mar 09 2013, 11:14 PM

I'm trying so hard right now. I just miss it so much. The only release I get is with a razor to my skin.. It's like getting to that perfect stage where you can't feel a damn thing. When words don't pierce your mind and physical abuse is like air to skin. I feel out of control like I can't stand still and my fun drunk has passed into the more depressing stage. It has become such a habit to cut for the littlest of things for my quick 1 2 3 instant numbness .. My own nirvana... I miss my faithful friend my little sharp pieces of relaxation .. Ugh and sleep itself has become a burden .. I don't like my scars to fade... I can't let my scars fade, who am I without them?

Feb 25 2013, 08:05 PM

These walls, they are my friends. Four signal walls, colored in grey Four signal walls that never washed away. At night I would whisper to them Whisper all that I could say And they stood still like frozen little daffodils Never once swaying away from me Not once following the wind that cares on the lies No those walls stood still The stood and listened to the song of my tired little voice A voice that never got above a whisper A voice they never asked to repeat or to speak up A voice they never asked to shut up. Oh, how I love those walls Friends that could never leave me Friends that never asked for more Never made me promise a word Oh, my walls The things they hold Like tears from the siren And the blood that runs so carelessly from my wrist Oh, the memories that we have together The long restless nights Nights of deep sods, and even deeper cuts My walls they promised to keep me safe A sturdy home for the broken One I never grew up in Walls that promised never to hurt me Never to shout the silent words Like glass in my eyes Never to say that I am Fat Ugly Worthless Stupid Emo Suicidal Un-loved Freak Never to say That I Deserved to die My walls where my own friends My friends to the end The watched in silence As I wasted away The girl that I was, that still wants to be They watched the demons Watched them steal my light Suffocate me until I was dark again The walls have seen it all From the night in the tent To the night in the church When his hands held my neck And clutched me until the air stopped flowing Watched as I almost died Oh, my walls I appreciate you You never left, never ignored A single plea I sent your way Oh my walls, How I wished I would have staid But frozen in time like the moment I broke that vein You never fell And when I collapsed on the floor And finally couldn’t get up anymore You stood strong Insuring my save journey home Oh, my walls Grey and old Oh, my walls I hope you never fall.

Feb 25 2013, 05:19 PM

Conversation with a stranger them: So whats your deal? me: meaning? them: why are you so .. gross and shit. me: again meaning? them: like i dont understand judging by your scars how you are still alive. arnt you tired of people me: always them: then you should probably kill yourself. me: oh? them: Ya i mean look at you.. obviously you arnt very pretty and you look depressed no one would ever want you. me: i know them: do you even eat? me: no them: couldnt tell me: thanks them: well i hope you keep what i said in mind. i mean honestly you would be happier dead. im doing you a favor by telling you this. me: thank you.

Feb 25 2013, 03:41 PM

"And if you cant see anything beautiful about yourself get a better mirror look a little closer, stare a little longer. Because there is something inside you that made you keep trying despite everyone who told you to quite. You built a cased around your broken heart and signed the inside THEY WERE WRONG because maybe you didnt belong to a group or a cliche, maybe they decided to pick you last for basketball and everything else. Maybe you use to bring bruises and broken teeth to show and tell, but never told because how can you hold your ground if everyone around you wants to bury you beneath it you have to believe that they were wrong. they have to be wrong." :'c